When your kids don't need you anymore

[adanna]

When your kids have all grown up, moved out... do you have a feeling that you are not needed anymore? I constantly have this feeling. Even though I know my kids still care about me, but they are already very independent and not living with me anymore. Although I know it's pretty normal and I have found some new hobbies, sometimes I just feel lonely because so many things have changed.

[Cheers]

Hi dear! Same with me. But it’s a reality that we have to face. Our kids are now independent and we should be happy with that. It’s good to hear your kids still care about you!

[Elise]

My son is starting college in a few weeks, and I'm definitely afraid that I'll feel like he no longer needs me. I mean, I know he will, but it will be such a huge change. He won't be relying on me near as much as he does now. I'm hoping to find something else to give me a purpose.

[adanna]

My son is starting college in a few weeks, and I'm definitely afraid that I'll feel like he no longer needs me. I mean, I know he will, but it will be such a huge change. He won't be relying on me near as much as he does now. I'm hoping to find something else to give me a purpose.

Yes, a purpose... I think this is what we all seek in our life. When the kids were small, taking care of them was my purpose of life. Now that this purpose is no longer here, it feels more important now than ever to get ourselves some new purposes.

[SadMommy]

When your kids have all grown up, moved out... do you have a feeling that you are not needed anymore? I constantly have this feeling. Even though I know my kids still care about me, but they are already very independent and not living with me anymore. Although I know it's pretty normal and I have found some new hobbies, sometimes I just feel lonely because so many things have changed.

I totally feel this way!  It's all those little things.  Like my youngest was sick about a month ago and I didn't know until she was well on the mend.  I was even sad the other day.  When she texted that she had to get a new car battery.  In the past she would have called my husband and myself with car problems, but she called her boyfriend who jumped her car and etc... I kind of don't feel my purpose now.  I know the goal was to raise independent children, but it would be nice to be the one they turn to when in need.

[JoanK]

I don't mind that I'm not needed as much.  I just miss seeing my sons every day.  I do miss their clothes in the laundry basket and cooking for them, but since my husband and I aren't going to live forever, I'm glad they're getting to be self--sufficient (well, the younger son has a longer way to go but he'll get there). 

[SadMommy]

I don't mind that I'm not needed as much.  I just miss seeing my sons every day... I'm glad they're getting to be self--sufficient (well, the younger son has a longer way to go but he'll get there). 

Agreed, I just miss my daughters presence! I miss them just being in the same house or seeing them everyday.

[ava]

As much as this is true, I love to look at it as them maturing and learning to handle and do things their way. I would be afraid if they maintained complete silence. What do you do when loneliness sets in? Is it a good thing to talk to them at such times and express how you feel?

[JoanK]

As much as this is true, I love to look at it as them maturing and learning to handle and do things their way. I would be afraid if they maintained complete silence. What do you do when loneliness sets in? Is it a good thing to talk to them at such times and express how you feel?

I don't feel lonely because I have my husband and he's a good, patient listener (poor guy!).  I just feel sad and miss my sons terribly. I'm sorry to say, I have cried in front of them as the summer progressed (not hysterically) and shared how much I was going to miss them and in what ways.  Have you ever expressed how you feel to your kids before, and if so, how did they react?  I think the answer depends on the type of relationship you have with your kids.  I know I get too deep at times, but I think it'd be ok if you tell them how you're feeling on those days when you're especially missing them. 

[SadMommy]

Is it a good thing to talk to them at such times and express how you feel?

I don't feel lonely because I have my husband and he's a good, patient listener (poor guy!).

I try not to cry in front of them much, because I don't want them to feel guilty for the natural progression of their lives.  Once or twice I've texted them that I just really missed them and that I love them. 


I do feel lonely even though I have a husband who has been fabulous to me! I think it's because my daughters were always around me..especially my oldest.  Since she was little she would follow me around and do whatever she was doing in the same room as me.

[JoanK]

Is it a good thing to talk to them at such times and express how you feel?

I don't feel lonely because I have my husband and he's a good, patient listener (poor guy!).

I try not to cry in front of them much, because I don't want them to feel guilty for the natural progression of their lives.  Once or twice I've texted them that I just really missed them and that I love them. 


I do feel lonely even though I have a husband who has been fabulous to me! I think it's because my daughters were always around me..especially my oldest.  Since she was little she would follow me around and do whatever she was doing in the same room as me.

I agree crying might make them feel guilty or worried.  Even though I've said all the right things to my older son before he moved (ignore me when I cry, this is what you're supposed to do, it's my problem, not yours, I'm proud of you, etc.), I'm sure inside he felt bad. 

Do you feel lonely even when you're out of the house?  I find I miss them most when I wake up and then again at night.

[SadMommy]

Do you feel lonely even when you're out of the house?  I find I miss them most when I wake up and then again at night.



I actually do.  I think it's because at least one or both of my girls would ALWAYS want to go shopping and such with me! 


Usually morning and nights are the hardest for me too.  But it's a roller coaster of emotions through the day.  That's getting a bit better as long as I don't think about them being gone.

[JoanK]

Do you feel lonely even when you're out of the house?  I find I miss them most when I wake up and then again at night.



I actually do.  I think it's because at least one or both of my girls would ALWAYS want to go shopping and such with me! 


Usually morning and nights are the hardest for me too.  But it's a roller coaster of emotions through the day.  That's getting a bit better as long as I don't think about them being gone.

How sweet they still enjoy doing things with you!  I'm not sure how long they've been on their own (sorry if I missed it), but I'm thinking once they're settled into their lives, maybe they'll start missing doing those things and will come around more often. 

[SadMommy]

I'm not sure how long they've been on their own (sorry if I missed it), but I'm thinking once they're settled into their lives, maybe they'll start missing doing those things and will come around more often. 

They both moved out in June.  Bad timing for me.  My eldest got married.  Then my younger daughter moved in with two roommates and the 3 bedroom lease just happened to become available the week after her older sister's wedding.

I'm hoping that will happen!

[nvgt16]

I've felt that for quite a few years now. My daughter moved to Europe in 2012 and my son head out west in 2015 for a few years so then I headed south to Florida for a better paying job and lower living costs, back in 2017. It all happened way too quickly, everyone leaving the family home that they grew up in. My ex left in 2005. It was crazy for me to make such a leap of faith but I couldn't afford to stay where I was and the memories of staying in the empty family home were too stressful. I've now been in my current house for a year and a half and I've never been able to call it home so now I'm looking for a new home and I actually mean a new home, one that was built at least in 2000. When I arrived in Florida, my house back home hadn't sold yet and I was living at a friend's home. I had to quickly choose a house here to purchase but have never loved this house even though I've put a lot of time and money into it. When I was finally able to tell my kids my plans of buying a new home in the same area they thought that I was crazy until they realized that I'm planning on getting a newer home that will be safer for me and won't have the problems that old houses have. My daughter's only concern now is that wherever I live, there needs to be things for me to do when I retire, about 10 years. I've already started packing, have a realtor and lender ready. Next month we're going to start looking at houses and townhouses/condos. Hopefully I should have my house up for sale by the end of November and be in my new home by very early February. I guess sometime I feel that I'm forgotten by my kids while I'm in the process of another move.