A nagging friend

[cherie]

There are people I consider close friends whereas there are those that I like to keep at bay. This friend of mine that I schooled with has recently set up his business in the city. As much as he isn't a bad person, I feel that him trying to be close to me isn't happening naturally at all. As much as I don't like ignoring people, at times I am forced to avoid my friend. That's a loner for you folks.

[MaryB]

Good luck with that.  He sounds like he has thick skin (doesnt take a hint).  I hope you can put up boundaries without hurt feelings.  That's something I have not learned to do myself. 

[cherie]

Good luck with that.  He sounds like he has thick skin (doesnt take a hint).  I hope you can put up boundaries without hurt feelings.  That's something I have not learned to do myself. 

Truth be told, he isn't a bad person after all but he insists on talking to me even when all I need is to just sit at home and read a book. I've hurt people's feelings before when everything else had failed and I see myself going down that route really soon. Boundaries are very important.

[MaryB]

When it's happened that you had to hurt someone to secure your boundaries, tell me please, did they still talk to you afterward or hate you?  People seem to turn on me when I try to stick up for myself, and I dont do it harshly (dont have a mean bone in my body)...   

[SpotOn]

I like my privacy, too, Cherie, and no, you don't have to feel badly about setting boundaries when you want some alone time. Being a little bit on the "loner side" myself, I need plenty of space, too much socialization bores me and tires me out, I guess I'm introverted. Someone who pushes the envelope in this regard that you mention is being selfish and ignorant, "not a bad person", or not. Tell him this, "Look, my alone time is valuable to me, I need space to reflect and recharge, so maybe next time, etc." If he doesn't take the hint then, just wean yourself gradually from this acquaintance. Now, not before however, I'm too old to worry about what people think of me. True friends will try to understand your view of the world and your role in it. Remember, you're a valuable person, too!

[Natasha]

As someone who also prefers to be alone, I'd say to follow your instincts. If the guys is really making you uncomfortable and you don't like hanging out with him, then don't. But if you just feel that you're not all that good at interacting with others, then I suggest that you try to push yourself out of your comfort zone.