Empty Nest Moms

Empty Nest Moms AND Dads! => Our Empty Nest => Topic started by: snowflake on February 19, 2020, 07:19:53 PM

Title: broke down while i was working
Post by: snowflake on February 19, 2020, 07:19:53 PM
February 19, 2020 - I am a newbie here. I am a "To-Be" empty nest mom this upcoming May 2020.

I broke down (by crying) while I was working at my desk which I had to leave asap after my boss approved. As an employee I have to act professional. I am an office tech.

I am 44 years old, married. My 3 kids are ages daughter age 23,  daughter age 18, and son age 17. My last child has a learning disability. Autism. He will be joining with a new young adult program specialized in managing autistic people on independent living.

You see, my other kids - a daughter, 23 is fully independent on her own, and other daughter, 18 are already "on their own". The 18 year old daughter is still at home busy with her job and schooling, but the 17 year old son is my last baby. Both daughters are not autistic. My son is.

The two older kids are somewhat more independent of themselves and I often did not have to deal much with them so my strength of relationship status is lesser with them. As for my youngest who is 17 (to be 18) this May 2020. I have had more bonding time with my last baby. I was able to spend more time with my last baby on many things such as playing games, biking together, going shopping, watching movies etc. I was able to relax more with this child rather than with two other older children.

My last baby never really asked for stuff. He would ask for things like candy, chips, drinks but I did buy on what he needed such as clothes, socks, and whenever I would request my last baby to do his chore which was doing the dishwashing in the kitchen. My son would just do it without complaint. He often does his chore without me asking him. I would just surprise him with a dollar bill or a candy bar. I loved seeing the light in his surprised face and his gratitude.

My son is a loner. He does not have any friends. My son is into Pokemon, video games and robot building. He also enjoyed doing gardening. When he was younger he had this habit of running to me and hugging me saying Hello every time I came home from work.

Now you see, I have no friends, no family, no support to share my grief. My parents are deceased. My siblings are distant. I really could not share this with my spouse because it hurts too much to really talk with my spouse.

I felt that my son (my last baby) is one of those people who really "bonded" with me regardless how his learning disability is, it is the character, the person, the personality. I don't know how I will be when he turns 18 this May 2020. I probably will be a wreck. I probably will be a brave mom. That is what I hope for. Courage. Yet I couldnt stop my own tears.

So that is why I decided to join here at the emptynestmoms forum founded by Jeanine.
Title: Re: broke down while i was working
Post by: JoanK on March 02, 2020, 07:26:14 PM
Hi, snowflake.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time anticipating your son's leaving home in a couple of months.  I know that feeling so well, especially being unable to stop the tears from flowing around others.  You've painted such a sweet picture with your words of the loving relationship you have with your son.  I wish him well in his new surroundings.  Maybe he won't be as much of a loner once he begins interacting with others.  As much as we enjoy having our kids home and doing things for them, it's also a good feeling when we see them facing the world themselves and learning how to do all those things we did for them throughout their lives.  I think I felt worse anticipating my sons' moves late last summer (the younger one starting college and the older one moving to another state) than when they were actually gone.  I do think about them throughout the day and worry about them a lot, but I am better than I was when I knew it was coming.  It's hard when they're home for holidays and special occasions and then leave, and it does take a few days for the sadness to pass, but it eventually eases up.  Is your son moving far from home?  How often will you be able to see him?  I'm also sorry you have no one in your life to talk to about your feelings, not even your spouse. 
Title: Re: broke down while i was working
Post by: SadMommy on April 10, 2020, 12:15:31 AM
Hello Snowflake,

I'm sorry that I haven't been on the site lately since there isn't much activity.  I'm so sorry that you are going though this and hope you are feeling better today. 

I understand how hard this process is to go through!  If you need still need someone to talk to, I'm here for you!

Title: Re: broke down while i was working
Post by: Elizabeth on June 17, 2020, 05:08:28 PM
Hi Snowflake, I'm getting in on this conversation late but hope you are doing better? Sounds like you have some great kids. Is your son still at home now since he turned 18? Does he have plans to go on to college? It does sound like ya'll are really close.

Hope you are feeling better and if you need to 'talk' this is a good place to come to for that. Kinda helps sometimes to just let thngs out.

Take care and hope to hear back from you soon :big hug smiley sign: