Empty Nest Moms

Empty Nest Moms AND Dads! => A "Different" kind of Empty Nest => Topic started by: Bewitched on October 08, 2018, 04:27:43 PM

Title: Teaching responsibility
Post by: Bewitched on October 08, 2018, 04:27:43 PM
I've mentioned in other posts that my eldest son has been battling addiction for over a decade. He seems to be in a good place these days but he has such a hard time being happy. It's almost like he wants to be miserable. I know that's not the case. He just thinks that happiness is something that should come instantaneously. How can we teach our adult children that they are responsible for their happiness? How can we teach them that it takes work and it doesn't always feel like sunshine and daisies?
Title: Re: Teaching responsibility
Post by: David on October 08, 2018, 05:08:28 PM
Is there anyway all those drugs might have changed his brain chemistry?  He might be legitimately depressed and need treatment for it.  Has he seen a therapist and doctor lately?  I've read some of your old posts, Bewitched, and my goodness you've been through the wringer with this.  You've been one heck of a mother!  I sincerely hope your son continues to remain sober.  My wife and I will be praying for him.
Title: Re: Teaching responsibility
Post by: Bewitched on October 09, 2018, 03:21:49 PM
Oh, I'm sure they have. I do think that he's legitimately depressed but he's also refusing to go to treatment. He's gone a few times but refuses to take it seriously. I can continue trying to force him to go, but I don't know how much he'll get out of it unless he opens up a little bit more and wants the help. Thank you so much! We need all the prayers we can get. Thankfully, church does seem to help him out. He's going on a religious retreat with other men in our church so I'm hoping that this will continue to steer him in the right direction. Honestly, I think that his depression and sadness is mainly due to feeling isolated. So I hope that this will help him out in that department. Loneliness is a vicious cycle since it usually brings along apathy and/or social anxiety.
Title: Re: Teaching responsibility
Post by: MaryB on October 14, 2018, 10:07:28 PM
I dont know how long your son has been straight, or sober, but I know how being addicted to cigarettes effected me.   I remember it being months and I was not myself, still living hour by hour.  I remember asking someone when does the cravings go away, because I still fought the urge to light up.  I figure addiction to other things would be even worse so maybe his depression is not knowing how to live without the crutch... maybe it takes time to learn how to live without it. Does that makes sense to you?
Title: Re: Teaching responsibility
Post by: Layla on October 22, 2018, 06:10:50 AM
Bewitched, if church helps him, maybe you two could check out a program called Celebrate Recovery. It is a 12-step program that is Christian-based for all kinds of issues from co-dependency to PTSD to substance abuse to anger. He can go at his own pace. He could connect with other men who are struggling. Who knows, it might help him and encourage him to get further help. You are in my thought sand prayers.
Title: Re: Teaching responsibility
Post by: EllieM on October 22, 2018, 08:09:18 AM
I'm sorry you're going through this with your dear child. I can imagine that you feel a little helpless and feel him slipping. I think addiction is something we as parents don't have a grip on. Is he seeing professionals for this? I am sure you've done everything you can to teach him the right things. Sometimes life overwhelms us and we need to rely on the help we can get. Good luck and much love to you!
Title: Re: Teaching responsibility
Post by: 4am coffee on January 16, 2019, 10:38:48 PM
@Bewitched......I hope this finds you....its been a few months, but

I always felt like sorrow was a lesson[/size]I always felt I needed to feel the painI thought happiness was a transgressionAnd I just took it as it came

It's from a John Mellencamp tune, but that sounds like your son. Tell him it doesn't have to be that way. Happiness doesn't mean you're weak. It just means you're happy.

Be well.