Empty Nest Moms

Empty Nest "Our Everyday Lives" => Every Day Conversations => Topic started by: MaryB on June 14, 2019, 08:40:17 PM

Title: Adult Children that have Moved back IN?
Post by: MaryB on June 14, 2019, 08:40:17 PM
I am curious if any of you have had your adult child move back in, and how it went.  A lot goes like this,  maybe a divorce, or a move or some reason they move in temporary because of hard ship, so you say you wont charge rent to help them get on their feet, but then before you know it a year has passed, and every one of your bills has doubled and they are still there, and no signs of moving on.....
The biggest thing is they've changed after picking up their mates traits and they are harder to get along with now. 
Anybody know this kind of story?  I'm curious how long you've went thru it and how it ended.
Title: Re: Adult Children that have Moved back IN?
Post by: Elizabeth on June 15, 2019, 06:26:05 PM
Hi Mary, I take it your son is still staying with you? Although I haven't had to deal with this directly I did have a good friend a few years ago have something similar happen.

Her son moved back home but was only supposed to be for about 6 months so they told him he didn't have to pay any rent, just get back on his feet till he found a new job and place of his own. Well 6 months came and went and he was still there and working a nice job but not helping out in any way. They finally had a talk with him and told him he was welcomed to stay on but he was going to have to start chimping in by paying some rent to help towards paying the bills that were a lot higher now.

I remember her telling me that he didn't seem to happy with it at first but they stood their ground. He ended up paying rent and then found a place of his own a few months later.

Guess it's really going to be up to you and your husband. Is he standing with you on this one? If so then you should come up with a figure and discuss it with him. You shouldn't be going into debt to support him when he is working and making his own money now. At some point he needs to stand on his own, especially if you are having trouble getting along? He needs to stand on his own two feet sooner or later.

Who knows how it will go but won't know until you try. Just have to be prepared for the outcome.

Good luck!
Title: Re: Adult Children that have Moved back IN?
Post by: MaryB on June 15, 2019, 06:56:39 PM
Hi Elizabeth!  :039:
Yes I am having issues here,  and yes I am addressing them.   I cant be the only one that faced the changes in the adult children.  They leave one way and come back a complete other!  I keep thinking the child I raised is in there down deep somewhere!  I keep waiting for him to surface! 
My situation is a bit different because my son wants to move out and just cant yet.  He came back in such deep dept and has done great for a year, but is not out of the woods yet. 
Since going thru this I have heard 2 other's that let the child move back in with no cost, and I just think oh ho!!!!!!  lol
Title: Re: Adult Children that have Moved back IN?
Post by: FeelingBetter on June 18, 2019, 09:50:56 AM
Hi Maryb.....sounds like you are a bit unsure of just what to do? Is your son being there putting a big burden on your budget? I know you want to help but at the same time you can't go broke! It's very nice of ya'll to let him stay there to help get himself out of debt but......? Is there anyway he could chip in a little to help with food or other expenses? He has to know that it is costing you a lot more with him living there. Do you have any idea of how much longer it is going to take for him to be able to move out on his own? Can  you handle it till then?

Wish I could help you out more but sounds like you are just going to have to come up with a plan that will be good for all of you (if possible!)

Good luck!  :big hug smiley sign:
Title: Re: Adult Children that have Moved back IN?
Post by: MaryB on June 18, 2019, 10:00:51 PM
Hi FeelingBetter!   :039:
Naw,  I just really wanted to hear other people's experiences with this but I guess I'm the only one here.  I'm handling it...  lol