Empty Nest Moms
Empty Nest Moms AND Dads! => Our Empty Nest => Topic started by: momof3boys on April 19, 2015, 07:16:47 PM
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Dear members,
I'm hoping someone can relate and if not at least I can get this off my chest. Does anyone wish they could of given their child/children more while they were still at home? I wish I could of done more financially for them or given them more individual attention, gone on more family trips, etc. I had mostly been a stay at home mom to my boys. I wish I could of done more financially for them. I never planned on having children with a.d.h.d. or stomach issues. It seems some of my memories are for when I felt I was doing more than humanly possible and on a very limited budget.
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I think everyone wishes they could do more even if you did all you could at the time. That's human nature. Sometimes I think we just love our kids too much! With four kids, they didn't always get all the individual attention they would have liked, but I did my best and mostly I think they knew that. If not, they realize it now that they're grown. There are plenty of things I would change if I could go back, but there's no point in beating yourself up since you can't change it! Just know that you did the best you could.
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Ohmigosh I can relate to this so much. :(
All the times I was too tired to do something because my job drained me so much. Later, I told myself. We'll do it 'sometime' I'd tell them. I do what I can monetarily for them but now don't have the chance to simply take in a movie or go for a walk. I know we shouldn't beat ourselves up over it but how do we stop that downward spiral.
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We all have regrets about things we wish we had done. But I certainly don't think you should beat yourself up about not giving enough financially. Even if the kids didn't realize it at the time, they will realize it soon, that the real things they needed as children were not to be bought anyway. Material things come and go, but if you gave in other ways, it will stick with them forever.
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I agree with everything above. Money was tight when they were young and I couldn't always do for them what I wanted to do. You can't go back and change it. My children turned out to be loving, kind and smart young adults, so I must have done something right along the way. I wanted them to go on to college or university and at first couldn't figure out how to pay for it. I went out and got a job at a university to get them free tuition. This is something they both appreciated because it meant less loans to pay off later. You do what you can and hope for the best.
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Having lost my oldest son at 29 yrs. old, I can't tell you the number of times I wish I could go back and just be with him. We always had enough. Not lavishly so but enough. If I could just hold him and tell him one more time that I love him, what a priceless thing this would be.
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I'm with everyone else. You always have a regret or two, just human nature but at the time you just do what you can and hope that it is enough. As they grow up I also think they begin to realize how hard it just might have been (for some), especially as they start to have kids of their own.
Kidless, so sorry for your loss. It must still be really hard for you. :tinypinkflowers:
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I agree with the others. I think that no matter how much we did or gave to our kids, we always wish we could have done more. I don't think it really matters what we give our children though. What matters is that we gave them love.
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The only way I know to handle my personal regrets with my kids is to give them every bit of advice that I can and remind them that just because they're grown now, that doesn't mean they can't ask for or won't need help. I really think it's weird how society expects young adults to act like experienced adults, and then get upset when they don't. People need mentoring at any age, I say!
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I'm getting from the comments above that this is a common issue all parents think about. There will always be that I should have done or wish I did do when it comes to our children. It applies to almost everything in life. Even I've said I wish I could have gotten a degree. You just can't go back and need to trust that you did the right things.
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I think most parents regret something they did or did not do for their children. I regret not going out with my daughter more and exploring the world around us when she was young. We spent most of our days at home or in our yard.
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I have done enough for my kids and they know I have. With a spouse who was mostly unemployed(but a good help at home) I worked hard to get them what they wanted and most importantly, a good education. With the education and qualifications, they have been able to get good jobs and they are happy.
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Again I think that most of our kids know that we did all we could for them. I tried to give my daughter everything that I could. There was no one more important to me than my daughter as she was growing up, and I still feel the same way.
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Dear members,
I'm hoping someone can relate and if not at least I can get this off my chest. Does anyone wish they could of given their child/children more while they were still at home? I wish I could of done more financially for them or given them more individual attention, gone on more family trips, etc. I had mostly been a stay at home mom to my boys. I wish I could of done more financially for them. I never planned on having children with a.d.h.d. or stomach issues. It seems some of my memories are for when I felt I was doing more than humanly possible and on a very limited budget.
I so feel for you, as our Kiddo was diagnosed with attention deficit, depression and anxiety in junior high. I think it's the nature of the job to reflect on how you raised your kids and second-guess all the choices you made or didn't make. I know I made mistakes. I did things I shouldn't have done, and I neglected to do things I should have done. There were many times when I felt I had failed, and days when Kiddo was at school when I closed the bedroom door and just bawled.
Nobody is a perfect parent. We do the best we can with what we have -- which includes not just money but time, education, patience, and the personalities our kids have when they come to us. Don't beat yourself up over coulda-shoulda-wouldas -- I'm willing to bet that you were a far better mom than you give yourself credit for, simply because you're the kind of mom who says, "I wish I could have done more."