Empty Nest Moms
Empty Nest Moms AND Dads! => Empty Nest.."What's Next" for you?? => Topic started by: FeelingAlone on January 31, 2018, 02:09:26 PM
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New here and so glad I found this site! My one an only daughter left for college a few months ago and I am feeling soooo lonely. I'm trying real hard to move on with my life but it's not easy. She is several hours away and we do talk often. She was home a few days for Christmas and that was nice but hard again when she left. She's doing great and really loves her school and life right now so don' want to be a downer to her so keep my 'loneliness' to myself.
I am trying to stay busy and while I do work it's not that fantastic of a job. Really need to start looking around for something that I can be really happy with. I'm also single (divorced several years) but not really interested in finding someone now. I know I should try to get back 'out there' in the dating scene but not ready yet.
I hate to sound like a broken record but what did some of you do (especially any singles) when your children started leaving home? How long did it take you to 'get a life'?
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Hang in there FeelingAlone, sounds like you are trying to do all the right things and I know it must be hard, especially with her being so far away.
Just try to keep yourself busy as you can (keeps the mind from thinking so much!) Thinking about looking for a new job sounds like a good idea. Any reason why you can't start now? Do you have any interest that would help you in your job search? Might be something that will keep your mind occupied.
Good luck to you and keep us posted!
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What you are going thru is so so normal, but I know it does not make it any easier. Just know you will adjust and it will get easier.
:big hug smiley sign:
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Hi FeelingAlone, well you are normal and what you are feeling is not unusual. Giving yourself time you should come through it all ok. It might take time but looks like you are giving a good try, so keep it up. You might just look around and see if there are any groups you could join? Book Club, crafts anything that might interest you.
Hang in there! It will get better if you let it. :039:
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Just wanted to jump in here and say it will get better! May not seem like it at first but it does. Relationships change with our kids as they (and us!) age over the years. You just need to grow with it and accept the changes. They can become even better as they grow into adults. As was mentioned, find things to keep you (mostly your mind from wandering) busy. Might be hard at first but sounds like you are giving it a good try so stay with it.
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Thank you ladies for your replies, they are sooo appreciated! I have decided to start looking around for a different job so wish me luck. Just going to take my time and make sure I have something lined up before I quit this one. I'm also looking into seeing what kind of social clubs that around my area. Maybe a book club since I do like to read. So we will see what comes up.
Thanks again for your input.
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Hello @FeelingAlone - I relate to everything you say. The second of my two sons left home this week - just after a huge family reunion. All of a sudden the house is very empty. We won't see him until the summer as he's gone traveling prior to starting college in September. He's going to visit us for a week before he goes off again.
My husband and I have had only 4 days of this. That sounds pathetic because my son has been away for 2 weeks at a time in the past on holidays etc. But there is this heavy feeling about the place that he won't be coming back except as a visitor.
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Hi, My last child moved out on August 1st. I'm divorced. This is hard. There are times when it's ok but other times it's lonely. Sara
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Pat, I am so glad you have a partner, even at that it is difficult.. but Sara, you being alone really pulls at my heart. I hope you have a mom or sister or best friend to talk to. This can overtake you if you let it. You cant be idle, you have to keep moving and keep your mind active.
Good luck to you, dear... and welcome to the family! :big hug smiley sign:
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Thank you so much, Mary B. I feel like you really get it. You're so right about not being idle, not letting it drag me down. It's kind of scary. Deep breath. I do have a Mom who is amazing. I have a sister, but sadly she and I are not quite on the same page and she frustrates me more than she supports or helps. My daughter is amazing. We are very close and can talk about anything. I also have 2 boys who are great. They invite me to things...like their baseball games or just for a meal. But, I feel so alone and lost, to be honest.
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You will adjust. I remember the thought of going to the store alone petrified me in the beginning. Now I savor going alone. If I could suggest something to you, I would suggest you go and get involved in the kids, with whatever they are wanting you in. I know they do want you in their life! That in itself is fantastic! Then give yourself time, dear friend. You will adjust. It's like watching young mother's trying to potty train their child.. they panic that it does not happen when they think it should, but look around.. we all learned! You will adjust all in time.
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Hi Mary B., I take every opportunity to hang out with the kids. I love it. They're quite often here for big family meals....for birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter etc. I feel very fortunate that they all, for now, live fairly close and that we are all close emotionally. But, I'm having a REALLY rough week. Too much time on my hands, and it's the first time I've had time like this with an empty nest. Usually I'm busy working. I've also had a painful shoulder this summer and it's not better. I thought it would be. I don't sleep through the night. Last night I was awake from 12:40 to 4:30. Ugh! The night before I was awake every hour. The other piece of the puzzle is that I have a wonderful connection/friendship with a man who lives 6 hours away (by car). I haven't seen him since March. And yet we email back and forth every single day. We share so much with each other and I know we both enjoy it a lot. Sara
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Sara, I sure understand.. even when we are busy that ache is sure in the forefront! I do understand. I wish we were close that I could be with you. :dunno: Sometimes just having an ear to 'get it out' helps, for a bit anyway. To not even get good rest at nite just makes the agony go on and on. What is it at nite that seems to go on forever when we cant sleep..
My heart really is with you. :big hug smiley sign:
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Pat...glad you have someone.Feeling Alone...it's really hard and weird, isn't it? I'm lucky that my job (although it's really hard work) lets me nurture people (ESL students) and gives me a lot of interaction with people. Also, it's a very meaningful job and it's mentally stimulating and challenging. It keeps me on my toes.
Mary B - thanks for your kind words.
I just want to feel better. :-(
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I want you to too.. :'(
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Hi SaraGreenTea and Feeling Alone....a belated welcome to the forum. Hope you are both doing better now? This empty nest thing can really get some of us down at times but as was mentioned, just try and keep busy and keep moving on. Sooner or later you will find yourself adjusting.
Would love to hear and update from both of you when/if you have the time.
Take care! :tinypinkflowers:
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Jeanine, it's so good to hear from you. One of the things I'm really not liking about empty nest is just that weird, new feeling of no one to talk to. No one walking in the door to stay. No one else using the kitchen (my daughter loved cleaning up) etc. etc. I started work today. I'm an ESL teacher (instructor). Today I didn't have students but they'll start tomorrow. I'm not ready even though I know that I'd probably go insane if I didn't have work. :-( Sara
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p.s. I hate the way I feel right now. Like there's a fog on my brain, no motivation. I burst into tears now and then. Little things trigger...like coming in the house and closing the door. Locking it because you know no one else is coming home. I'm so very very tired, partly because I've had a shoulder issue all summer and have slept through the night twice in the past 4 months. Sigh. Yes, I'm trying to keep busy and have had some lovely social events, including all 3 of my kids coming home for dinner and cards on Sunday. It's only been a month. I'm telling myself to take it one day at a time. 7:33 and all I want to do is go to bed. :-( Sorry...
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Awww Sara, I know the 'visits' arent they same as them staying. I really sympathize with you. One thing about our women brains is we can still be thinking of them, no matter how busy we are. It's a challenge, but one day at a time dear friend...
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Hi Sara thanks for checking in and don't be sorry, those emotions just seem to come in waves sometimes. Just keep telling yourself to take it one day at a time and sooner or later you'll start having more 'good' days then bad. (sorry about your shoulder, hope it gets better soon so you can get some sleep)
Sounds like you have a great job that should keep you busy but what exactly is an ESL teacher?
Hang in there and don't be sorry about coming here to 'talk', we'll listen. :grouphugsign: