Empty Nest Moms
Empty Nest "Our Everyday Lives" => Every Day Conversations => Topic started by: CharleneS on February 22, 2019, 02:00:31 PM
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My 2 older kids moved out in April of last year. It's been tough adjusting to them being gone. But now I've graduated my master's and am working on my phd and find myself having to look for work for the first time in years. I want to be close to my kids but they are going in different directions! I don't know what to do. I know there are plenty of people out there with this problem. What do you do? I've always wanted to be a "hands on" grand mother. I can't do that if they are so far away. LOL Help please!
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Hello CharleneS :cute group hug: and welcome to the family!
I'm so proud of you for all you've accomplished! Wow I am in awe!
I understand and completely agree with you wanting to be close to the kids. I say move closer to the daughter.. That's my opinion. Seems the daughters seem to want the mom's more.. maybe I am wrong, but that's my 2 cents.. haha you can give me change! :big hug smiley sign:
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MaryB,
Thank you for your input! I never expected the house to be so lonely without the kids. LOL To be honest I never really thought about them leaving, other than to go to college. How crazy is that?
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@MaryB, interesting what you said about moving closer to the daughter. Compared to our brother, my sister and I make a bigger effort to get together with our mom. Is it an in-law thing, maybe?
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MaryB,
Thank you for your input! I never expected the house to be so lonely without the kids. LOL To be honest I never really thought about them leaving, other than to go to college. How crazy is that?
Not crazy at all Charlene! I have said it many times how we are like blinded when we have children, or we wouldnt have any if we knew the heartaches that come with them leaving us. We all think those babies are ours forever, right? I did. I always thought I'd be in my son's life, but boy he doesnt feel that way.
I'm glad you are here Charlene.. :cute group hug:
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@MaryB, interesting what you said about moving closer to the daughter. Compared to our brother, my sister and I make a bigger effort to get together with our mom. Is it an in-law thing, maybe?
I surely dont know noodle, but all I've heard is a son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all your life.. and as much as I hate that saying, by george, it seems to hit home from what I see anyway! :(
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MaryB,
It's that way for me as well, with my son. When he was at home we would stay up till early morning just talking. We would discuss everything. Now that he has moved in with his fiance I hardly ever hear from him. I pay for his PHONE and I don't hear from him! LOL When my daughter moved out she made sure that we played words with friends every Tuesday night until other obligations got in the way for both of us. I know it sounds funny and unrealistic, but I always dreamed about building a big "compound" and housing all of us along with significant others and any children that came along.
I'm glad I found this site. It's good to be able to talk to others that know I feel. :13:
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You know I think that when family did live near each other it was better.. they took care of the elderly as needed and each generation looked out for the sick or needy .. That's how I thought too, Charlene! I always thought my son would marry but stay close by..
I would have never thought my son would turn on us but a girl has that power I've come to find out.. she can be your new daughter or the one that took your son away. We dont have a say. The power is in that girls hands.. At least this is how my life has been. My son turned on us like a snake for that one he married.. now divorced. But he is not the same. I would not trust him now. I hope you have better luck than I did.
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I really really need this board as I am getting so depressed. I am in Australia one son is in Canberra, one in Perth, one daughter Melbourne, these are all long flights from me, one son South Korea and one daughter an hours drive. I have two at home with autism which is lovely but I too thought that they would all live around where we live. I am happy to be on the board and hope I can help and be helped :grouphugsign:
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Apmumof7,
I'm glad you found this site and my thread. I have a child with autism as well. Well she's actually 23 years old now. I know how challenging it can be to raise a child with disabilities. You must have an extreme amount of patience and love to be raising 2! Both of my older 2 moved out at about the same time which was the beginning of last April. I was so incredibly depressed. I had my doubts that I it would get any better. It did get better though! I have 3 adorable little dogs and I have started giving them baths once a week. This gives me something to do other think about what bothers me.
I have degrees in psychology and sometimes overcoming depression can start with something as simple as putting your favorite chair in a different spot. I know it sounds crazy, but it gives you different vantage point. Joining this site was a great start as well! Find things that will keep you busy and that are fun. Try creating a weekly date with yourself, or with your kids at home and plan on it every week so you have something to look forward to. Start a blog and talk about your day. Or start a journal. I don't know how bad your depression is, but you may want to think about seeing a therapist. We really do help.
I hope things get better for you.
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I really really need this board as I am getting so depressed. I am in Australia one son is in Canberra, one in Perth, one daughter Melbourne, these are all long flights from me, one son South Korea and one daughter an hours drive. I have two at home with autism which is lovely but I too thought that they would all live around where we live. I am happy to be on the board and hope I can help and be helped :grouphugsign:
apmumof7, welcome to the family! :cute group hug: You have helped already, sharing your life and making contacts. Thank you. It sounds to me like you need to refill your well because giving as much as you do, you are running low.
Our Charlene knows just where you are and has so much good wisdom to share and a friendship, along with the rest of us, is yours. I hope you can take baby steps to do something for yourself today. Sending you love long distance! :039:
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Apmumof7,
I'm glad you found this site and my thread. I have a child with autism as well. Well she's actually 23 years old now. I know how challenging it can be to raise a child with disabilities. You must have an extreme amount of patience and love to be raising 2! Both of my older 2 moved out at about the same time which was the beginning of last April. I was so incredibly depressed. I had my doubts that I it would get any better. It did get better though! I have 3 adorable little dogs and I have started giving them baths once a week. This gives me something to do other think about what bothers me.
I have degrees in psychology and sometimes overcoming depression can start with something as simple as putting your favorite chair in a different spot. I know it sounds crazy, but it gives you different vantage point. Joining this site was a great start as well! Find things that will keep you busy and that are fun. Try creating a weekly date with yourself, or with your kids at home and plan on it every week so you have something to look forward to. Start a blog and talk about your day. Or start a journal. I don't know how bad your depression is, but you may want to think about seeing a therapist. We really do help.
I hope things get better for you.
Love you honey! :huggingsmiley:
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Hi CharleneS, just checking on you to see how you are doing? It's been a couple of months and hope things are going well? Are you still giving those furbabies baths every week? :) They can really help make us feel better sometimes. Do you happen to have any pics of your doggies? We'd love to see them. I do believe most of us here are pet lovers. :)
Take care and check back in with us when you can. :039:
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apmumof7, how are you doing? I hope you are feeling better, you sounded really down in your post. Looks like charleneS gave you some good ideas on how to help make yourself feel a little better and to seek a therapist if need be. We would love to hear from you and how you are doing. Sometimes just having a place to come 'talk' with others that may be going through some of the things you are helps. Do pop back in when you can and let us know how things are going.
:big hug smiley sign: :big hug smiley sign: :big hug smiley sign:
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Jeanine,
I have had ups and downs. I started my PhD in Psychology, so that is keeping me busy now. And yes, I have plenty of pictures of my babies!Chunk is truly my emotional support baby. He knows when I start to feel depressed. He just senses it and comes running. Fluffy is my needy baby. He is a nervous baby. The bumble bee outside scared him! He is so cute! Beatrice runs the house and is the mother of the other 2.The picture I attached shows all 4 of my babies. The poodle on top of the sofa is Smoochie. He is the father of Chunk and Fluffy. The baby I am kissing is Chunk. The little white 1 is Beatrice, and the other black 1 is Fluffy. My daughter took Smoochie with her when she moved to Kentucky. Letting him go was so hard.
I hope things have been well for you and yours?
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Oh my, they are soooo cute Charlene! I bet you do miss Smoochie. How is he doing with your daughter and does she bring him home from time to time?
We've had a lot of dogs over the years (married 54 years so you can imagine) and two or three stick out the most in our memories and they were 'cacapoos' (sp?) :017: All gray/white and so sweet. We lost our last dog about two years ago and haven't gotten another since. Think is has something to do with having so many cats!! Got roped into helping feed several ferals then the lady that got me started moved and guess who inherited the task after that? Had a mama that I couldn't catch to get fixed so she ended up having a few litters before I finally managed to catch and get spayed, thank goodness so no new kittens the past two years. Well except for on big manx male that started showing up several months ago.
Things are starting to settle down around here. As I mentioned in another post, hubby had a heart attack right after Christmas then had to have open heart surgery the 28th of Jan. but is doing great now. Still on a few restrictions but they were amazed at how well he recovered.
Good luck on your PhD! Sounds like you will do very well.
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You look like you have a lap full there! They really are cute and I can see how you would miss Smoochie, he's adorable. Thanks for sharing the pics Charlene.
Sounds like your life is pretty full right now, good luck with your Phd!
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Hi Charlene, do you have grandchildren now or just anticipating them in the future? Hopefully by then they will all be settled somewhere close and you will be able to visit often? Do you hear from them often now?
Love your doggies! I'm a big dog lover myself and they all look so adorable.
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I do have grandchildren by my adopted children. I have 2 of the most beautiful grand daughters. They do keep me busy when they come to visit. They live about half an hour away and their mother stays very busy. She is a single mother, and we all know how much work that takes. My daughter, Chara, who took Smoochie lives in Kentucky and this is 7 hours away. She sends me pictures of him all the time. He is being spoiled rotten. She has found him an awesome groomer, a dog park, and a dentist!I am hoping to see him next month. The last time was at Thanksgiving.
As for being close to all of them, I'm not sure yet where I will end up. As a friend said to me to the other day, I am learning to reinvent myself. I may end up all the way in Massachusetts, as that is where my degree is centered for. I am applying for jobs close by, but we will see what happens. I am 48 and can move around (geographically) pretty well. My husband is 70 and is not in good health. My youngest daughter, Rose, is autistic and has a boyfriend here close by, so........ Never a dull moment LOL. I would love to see pictures of everyone's babies!
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OOOHhhh Charlene, I LOVE all your furbabies AND your red hair!!! You are so beautiful! Your babies are too! I dont know how you let go of one. That had to be so hard. Was that the other's momma?
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Thank you! Smoochie is the father of the 2 black ones, Fluffy and Chunk. The little white one is Lady Beatrice and she is the mother of the Fluffy and Chunk. It was very hard letting Smoochie go, but he is living in the lap of luxury with my daughter. LOL
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Hi CharleneS, how are you doing? Looks like you have a full life going on. How's school going? Are you hearing from your two latest that have left home? Hope things aren't to hectic for you. Looks like you will have some big decisions to make as to finding a job and where, hope it isn't to hard for you. I'm sure when the time comes for those decisions you will make the right ones for you.
Those furbabies are so cute! Even with the ones still with you I know you miss the other one.
Take care now.
:big hug smiley sign:
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Hello Enjoying Life!
I actually started work yesterday. I'm so excited. I work for a company called Strategic Therapy. I am an intensive in home counselor. School is going fine, though it will be an adjustment now that I am working. My babies missed me so much yesterday. They wouldn't let me off the couch! All 3 of them gathered up on top of me. LOL Hope things are going well for everyone here! Have a great day.
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Oh wow, that does sound exciting Charlene! You're off on a new adventure in life. :) I can only imagine just how exciting your 'babies' were to see you. They probably thought you had deserted them. Good to hear things are going in the job area.
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That sounds like a very interesting job Charlene. What exactly is "Strategic Therapy"? Does the company deal only in In-Home therapy? I guess you are going to be juggling a bit until you finish school, hopefully it won't be to long?
Sounds like those furbabies and going to have to do some adjusting to 'mommy' being gone more.