Empty Nest Moms
Empty Nest Moms AND Dads! => Empty Nest and being Single (again) => Topic started by: Treasure on June 18, 2018, 05:03:41 PM
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I have a couple of friends who have been single for a few years now. I always invite them to come to parties and other events, but they seem to steer away from them. I imagine it's because they tend to be attended by a bunch of couples. Is it insensitive to invite them to events like that? I always ask because it seems ruder to not invite them. I could be reading too much into this but I feel like I'm losing them. We seem to be running in different circles now. Is there something I can do?
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I think it's nice that you invite them. I've been single for awhile, most times it doesn't bother me being single but sometimes it does. Where I moved to in Fl., when I go to the pool, everyone is a part of a couple, but they all are a bit older than I am..sometimes it just feels weird. Sometimes they think that because you're single that you have this wonderful, entertaining lifestyle...just not so in my case. Being in a new house, new town, and new state, I'm not comfortable trying online dating because I'm new here. I only know of 2 people who also live by themselves...not sure if I picked the right place to move to. I'm leaving soon for my daughter's wedding abroad and she wants everyone who's coming from the states to get together for lunch one day, everyone but myself in married...so not looking forward to it.
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Treasure, I think it's nice that you try to include your single friends in your events. Maybe they feel like third wheels because there are a lot of couples at these parties? If you have several single friends, you could invite them to parties and let them know that other singles will be attending. That might make them feel a little more comfortable.
You could also have parties with just your single friends or a, "girls night out." Sometimes it's fun to be away from your significant other for a bit.
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nvgt16, I never thought about how couples might bother you by asking for tales of your adventures. I'm sure they're trying to live vicariously through you. I can see how that could get really annoying though. I'm so sorry that you don't think you've moved to the right place. How long have you been there? Congratulations on your daughter's upcoming wedding! Where is she getting married? I hope you're excited for everything outside of the lunch. Are they couples that you know or are there going to be a lot of new faces?
Krista, That's what I'm worried about. I don't really know how to help them feel less like third wheels. I would love to be able to invite some other single people but I'm at that point in my life where I just don't know all that many. The couple that I do know unfortunately don't get along all that well. I do love a good girls' night out! Would it be better as a one-on-one sort of thing or would it be okay to invite other married women?
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Well, I think this will vary, depending on a person. The circumstances are often different; there are empty nesters who are single by choice while others ended up that way through a break up and so on and so forth. Inviting them is quite in order but just as a precaution, I would ensure that the company at the parties wouldn't be uncomfortable for them.
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If a party is going to have single people, which you can ask the host about in advance, then I don't see a problem. But if the party is going to have nothing but married people and couples in general, I wouldn't ask your single friends to attend. I would think it would be awkward for them.
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I go with 4am coffee (Do you still have some coffee for me?) with knowing who will attend the party. There is no rudeness not to invite friends who are single if we invite lots of couples in the party.
However, you can invite your single friends to that party as long as you inform them that there will be lots couples. You give your friends a choice whether to attend the party or not.
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MerryMe.......there will always be a fresh cup waiting for you.
T
Giving your friends the right of first refusal is always a good rule to by.
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The system cut me off, sorry. What I was saying was that giving your friends the right of first refusal is always a good rule to go by.
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Thanks for all of the help! You all are right, it varies by person. Unfortunately, most of the parties I go to are primarily couples since most of my friends are in relationships. I sort of just want to ask them whether or not they want to be invited to these parties so that I don't have to go through this every single time. Would that be a good idea?
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Hi Treasure, yup it's been awhile since I've been on here. Honestly, I was glad to get back home from my daughter's wedding. It was one of the most uncomfortable situations I've ever been in and yes I believe because I was single and their wedding are so different than ours here. I definitely did not like getting my hair put up along with having to wear makeup and all that stuff. I was not comfortable in what I was wearing including the shoes with heels. I felt quite out of place and pretty much totally alone and couldn't wait to get back home. Sadly I felt more negative memories than positive ones. When she comes next week with her husband, it will be the first time I'll have seen her since her wedding. I'm just having a hard time getting rid of the negative experiences.
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Hi Neale, great to see you checking in. :039: Sounds like the wedding party traditions were a bit different over there then you're use to, sorry it left negative vibes but can understand how. Were you part of the wedding party (other then the brides mother?) I'm surprised they had you wearing makeup and all that if you didn't want to. I'm sure you look perfectly fine without it (you do, I've seen some of your pictures!)
I'm sure you will enjoy your daughter being home and getting to spend extra time with you, especially since it is summer and you have time off.
Thanks for checking back in with us and do let us know how the visit with your daughter goes!
:grouphugsign:
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Hi, nope, as Mother of the Bride, you are treated like the other guests...you walk in with the other guests too. Glad that I won't have to repeat it again. I'm actually starting to get a little more excited about Lauren and her husband coming. I think that because this is the first time that she's coming home and home for me is not in RI anymore, emotionally it's been a little stressful. Perhaps if I felt better about where I live, I wouldn't feel so indifferent. Lauren and I always had a lot of places to revisit together and none of them are down here. I've also basically finished all of my schoolwork for the next school year, so that's good. A friend of mine here is a Disney fanatic so she's been very helpful with planning my trip.
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Hi Neale, I'm sure you will enjoy your daughter and son in law visiting and will have a great time! Sounds like you might be taking a trip to Disney? Hope you have a good time. Looks like by the date you mentioned you daughter should already be here? Catch us up on what all you did!
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Hi nvgt16 :039: nice to see you checking in. Sounds like the wedding didn't go exactly the way you would have liked? Well at least it is over and your daughter and son in law are going to be visiting you, that should be fun. Hope you find lots to do and enjoy their visit. Are you starting to feel more at home now living in Fl.? Hope so, sounds like you have a nice teaching job now.
Keep us posted!
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Hi, we're here in Disney and having a pretty good time! It's an adjustment to be here my daughter and her husband but it's a change and it's a good way to kind of adjust to the idea that she is all grown up..been that way for awhile of course, just a bit bittersweet. It's a bit funny to see that my daughter doesn't have the same amount of energy as when she was younger! It's not just me getting tired!? All good. As adjusting to Florida, that's another thing. It takes time especially after living in my last house for 30 years, married and with a family. I think the hardest part for me is the emotional aspect. I do love my teaching job, but that's just a part of my life...and of course I have my kitties. It's all just a work in progress.
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For me, it is uncomfortable to attend parties alone if I don't know anyone who will be there. If I know there will people there I know, I am more likely to go.
I don't think it's insensitive of you at all to invite your single friends to events and parties. I think it's thoughtful. Maybe you could make sure there are other people there they know? It might make them feel a little more comfortable.