Too many new things

[Debbie]

Hi, I tried to prepare for both of my daughters leaving for college and beyond. I've been divorced for 10+ years. I dated someone and became engaged after two years. We've been together for 4 years. We lived in different cities, so I moved to his city. I have a job, but I just can't adjust. I'm finding it so hard to meet people and have my own life apart from him. I kept my house in my home town, and now I just want to move back to the familiar. I miss my girls so much, and I just want my old house. My job causes me a lot of anxiety, actually I feel anxious almost all the time. Has anyone out there changed too many things after your kids have left, and now feel totally lost? thanks for reading.

[Elizabeth]

Hi Debbie, welcome to ENMoms. Sorry to hear how you are feeling, it must be very hard on you. Have you tried talking to your boyfriend about how you are feeling? Is it possible he could move to your city?


How long have you lived with him where you are now? Could it be that you need more time? Not sure what kind of work you do but is there something else available that you could apply for, just taking the stress away from that might help you adjust more. Not sure how far away your girls are but can they come visit you there?


I know, a lot of things to think about! But maybe working on one thing at a time can help.


Please keep us posted on how you are doing and feel free to come here to 'talk' anytime.


 

[Debbie]

Hi Elizabeth, Thanks for your post. I do think my job is a big part of it. I will probably look for another job that's not so stressful. I've lived here for two years, and it has been easier for me just to hang out with my fiancé's friends, and not put myself out there to make my own friends. I'm shy, but that's not an excuse. I know people are friendly if I just make an effort. My one daughter just lives a few hours away, but my oldest lives about 1200 miles away. We do text and talk often though. I'm glad I found this forum. I do find that missing my daughters comes in waves, if I'm busy, it's easier.

[Jeanine]

Hi Debbie, another welcome to ENMoms.


It does sound like finding a less stressful job might help in your situation so hope  you find a new one soon. At least you are staying in touch with your daughters, so that is a good thing. I know it isn't the same as 'seeing' them in person all the time but it does help.


Just take baby steps and try to make yourself get out there to make some new friends. If you have time maybe you could join a club or class of some sort? Something that you could have fun doing and meet other people.


Looks like  you have a good handle on things and heading in the right direction so keep at it!


Keep us posted.......

[cherie]

Glad to see you here Debbie; feel at home. Well, that is a tough place to find yourself in and I'm thinking now that you kept the old house, it may be a good idea to visit the place from time-to-time. If it's agreeable to your boyfriend, you can ask if you can both go and stay there for a while.

I am not so good at making new friends and it takes me a while to get used to new acquaintances. There's completely nothing wrong with that because we all have different personalities. Just take a day at a time and eventually, everything will fall into place.

[adanna]

I can understand the feeling when our children have all grown up, it seems that we have a need to start another life. There are a few changes for me as well and I'm still trying to get used to the changes. Maybe it's what life is. I hope you will get used to the new city and have fun!