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Author Topic: Failure As A Mother  (Read 93 times)

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Offline Olive

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Failure As A Mother
« on: June 02, 2019, 11:26:02 AM »
Can you help me with how I can help my friend? She told me today that she felt like she failed as a mother because her teenage son doesn't listen to her any longer. What would you advise her if you were in my place?

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Failure As A Mother
« on: June 02, 2019, 11:26:02 AM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #1 on: June 02, 2019, 08:33:30 PM »
Hi Olive.  That is so sad to me because I've been there, blaming myself for my son's estrangement.  Ashamed to hold my head up in public.  It took my loved ones that seen how my son was raised to pull me out of it, reminding me that he was raised right but made bad decisions.  As far as your friend goes, it seems so normal for teens to rebel and she needs reminded of that.  You are a good friend, you remind her. 
Good luck
-hugs

Offline Olive

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2019, 09:13:32 PM »
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, MaryB. She is a good friend, I can vouch for that. I also know that her son's decisions were not because of how she brought him up. His choice of friends was the cause of why he became rebellious.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2019, 09:13:32 PM »

Offline Layla

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2019, 02:47:28 AM »
We all make mistakes as parents, but I'm sure your friend is a good mom. Teenagers are tough. They're trying to assert their independence. They just want to live the way they want to live, and that often doesn't jive with being responsible. She has to remember that she is the parent and she has more experience in life. Remind her that she wants the best for him and that him not listening is part of being a teenager. I hope they get through it okay. The teen years are the worst!

Offline cherie

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2019, 04:28:49 PM »
Teen years are challenging and while your friend has the right to question what could have gone wrong, it is also tine for her to stamp her authority and have a candid conversation with the boy. Could it also be that the teenager needs to speak and open up to someone neutral? Maybe he is just being rebellious while also seeking to pass a message.

Offline MomOfTwo

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2019, 02:17:33 AM »
Based on my experience with my boys, they do things that are different from what I think is right because they wanted to test the waters, so to speak. Teenagers are different, but one thing in common that I notice is that they do the opposite of what we tell them. What I did with my boys was to ask them why they did the things they were doing instead of saying that they shouldn't do it. This will open up a door for communication instead of closing one.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #5 on: June 05, 2019, 02:17:33 AM »

Offline Olive

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #6 on: June 05, 2019, 09:57:13 AM »
I had a talk with my friend just now, she just left the house actually. I mentioned all the positive support you said here. I even told her to join us here so she won't have to keep her thoughts and emotions for herself.


Thank you all because she received your kind words with gladness.

Offline Elizabeth

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2019, 11:49:37 AM »
You know I used to say that when the kids hit around thirteen everyone should 'exchange' kids until they hit around 20 or so! :)


Seems you always heard how really nice and polite 'your' child was or how you thought someone else's was the same. They always mind when they are at your house  (and I guess your own did the same when over at their friends house or at school).


So really when kids hit their teens they seem to turn into a different child! Doesn't mean you haven't done things right it just means mostly that they get a mind of their own and seem to think they know more than you.


I would just tell  your friend not to fret about it too much unless he gets really unruly. You do the best you can and hope the child picks up on some of the good.

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2019, 02:33:54 PM »
That theory is cute Elizabeth! Sounds soooo true too. Everytime I heard a teacher or another parent talk about how polite and mannerly one of my kids were I'd say, "Excuse me?"  :) :)  Guess it means you're doing something right if they behave themselves at their friends homes or school.


Seriously though, the teens are hard years so you just do the best you can and hope for the best. 

Offline cherie

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Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2019, 05:13:49 AM »
This is a really lively discussion and I have picked very important lessons from this thread. Olive, thanks for being there for your friend and I'm sure she left your house a better person. Teenage years can be the most challenging and it is useful to have that open-door policy, in terms of communication channels.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Failure As A Mother
« Reply #9 on: June 11, 2019, 05:13:49 AM »

 

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