Empty Nest Moms



Netrition

Netrition - 
The Internet's Premier Nutrition Superstore!

You can find many Low Carb products here!

Dixie USA†has many to choose from and a lot of them are very tasty! I've Tried them myself and all are pretty simple to make!

.....Looking to make some cake? Try these....Dixie USA Carb Counters Cupcake & Frosting Mix

.....How about a really good Cinnamon Sugar Substitute? Then you may want to try this one! Sans Sucre Cinnamon Sugar Substitute

.....Need a great zero carb sweetner? Try the the 0.5 size! Last a long time.....EZ-Sweetz Liquid Sucralose

.....This is a great Brand to check out for a large variety of low carb products....Bob's Red Mill

.....And another great Brand with lots of low carb products to check out is.....NOW

You can always do a 'search' for other health foods and such while your there so be sure to check them out!

User Info

 
 
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

.

Author Topic: re: My guilty feelings.....  (Read 289 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Moonchild

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 6
  • Gender: Female
re: My guilty feelings.....
« on: April 01, 2019, 09:17:35 AM »
I finally got my 20 year old to move out this weekend to go live with his dad until he moves into an apartment with some friends.


While he lived here, he never helped do anything around the house.  His room was disgusting beyond belief with dirty dishes he would't bring down (never respected my rules to eat downstairs) and garbage everywhere.  His room smelled of smoke and nasty things I can't even describe.  He had piles of clothes strewn all over that he never washed. 


Talking to him was aggravating.  If I told him to cut the lawn that afternoon, he'd go off on why did it have to be today?  After all, what's the difference if the grass grows an extra 1/4".  There was never any - okay, mom I'll do it - and, then actually doing it.  It was a constant battle and one I gave up trying to fight.  The older I get the less conflict I want, especially in my own house.


His disrespect of his sibling and myself was obvious.  At one point he decided to let loose and tell me how much he hated living here and that his father's place was more like a home - with food and all.  (yes, we don't have any food here - I'm 40 pounds overweight because I keep such bare cupboards lol)


I had enough and told his father he needed to go live with him.  It didn't materialize since the step-mom didn't get along with him. 


Fast forward a few months and now he's not here.


And, despite all the attitude and aggravation - I somehow feel guilty.


Maybe because I wanted our relationship to be different.  Maybe because although he was a royal pain in my arse, and treated us crappy, he was my son.  Maybe because when I looked at him, I saw the adult child, but I really saw the inner, hurt little boy that I knew was in there.  Maybe I'm just a mom.


In my mind, I see him as my little boy.  He's my child.  An adult, yes...but, still my child. 


How is it possible I could feel two very different emotions so strongly?  A part of me feels like I've abandoned my son (which is why I never insisted he go live with his father years ago).  And, the other side of me is happy the aggravation is out of my house. 


It's a tough cycle mentally to go through.


In the end, I know he needs this.  It'll be good for him to move on and help him to grow up.  Hopefully. 


But, it doesn't change how I feel.  At least not yet. 












Empty Nest Moms

re: My guilty feelings.....
« on: April 01, 2019, 09:17:35 AM »

Offline haidyl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 350
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #1 on: April 01, 2019, 02:17:42 PM »
You know a child will always be a child in our eyes, whether or not they become adults. This is quite a turn of events but the truth is that it is never too late for anyone to change. It wouldn't surprise me if he turned into a responsible adult once he moved into an apartment with friends..just don't give up on him yet!

Offline MaryB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1972
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2019, 03:27:25 PM »
MoonChild  :big hug smiley sign:   You should be a writer,  you are so good at expressing your feelings...  you spoke for me too because the range of emotions of wanting them out then feeling guilty seems to be part of the mom DNA!  I got it too! 
I dont think we will ever stop worrying about them but it sure would help if they were to be responsible people, right!  Hopefully like haidyl said this will help him mature into a man now..  Well she didnt say that but in so many words...  you know what I mean!   :dunno:
   Just keep in touch with him.  That will make you both feel better, even if he does not admit it. 


Empty Nest Moms

Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #2 on: April 01, 2019, 03:27:25 PM »

Offline Katy

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 172
  • Gender: Female
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #3 on: April 05, 2019, 07:05:51 AM »
Moonchild, I'm proud of you for setting and enforcing these boundaries. That situation didn't sound like a healthy one for anyone. Hopefully your son will begin to grow up into a responsible adult now. It sounds like he is rebelling. He will probably make a lot of mistakes before he fully grasps what it means to be an adult, but I hope he learns quickly without too many consequences.

Of course you feel guilty. He is your son. You will always want to protect him. He will always be your baby boy. It's so hard to kick our little birds out of the nest and watch them learn things on their own, but it is a necessary part of life. So, remember that while guilt is a normal reaction to this situation, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

I truly hope that you and your son can have a better relationship someday. I know it took me moving out to really see all that my parents did and sacrificed for me. I think when we're young, we just can't appreciate it yet. Hang in there!

Offline Moonchild

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 6
  • Gender: Female
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2019, 08:56:06 AM »
Thank you for the support.  I've repainted his room and it's wonderful to walk by it with the sun coming in the windows and everything all fresh and new.  Yet, I still get my heartstrings pulled every time I'm in there.

I'm hoping to see him at Easter.  It's been 3 weeks since I've seen him, although I've found a reason or two to text him :)

I know this is a good thing for him (and, me)  Him and his dad have been getting things he needs for his apartment and I think the time there will do him good.  A lot of changes for all of us, and we just have to keep pushing on.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #4 on: April 16, 2019, 08:56:06 AM »

Offline Guineagirl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 134
  • Gender: Female
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2019, 10:44:14 AM »
Thank you for the support.  I've repainted his room and it's wonderful to walk by it with the sun coming in the windows and everything all fresh and new.  Yet, I still get my heartstrings pulled every time I'm in there.

I'm hoping to see him at Easter.  It's been 3 weeks since I've seen him, although I've found a reason or two to text him :)

I know this is a good thing for him (and, me)  Him and his dad have been getting things he needs for his apartment and I think the time there will do him good.  A lot of changes for all of us, and we just have to keep pushing on.


What a brilliant post Moonchild.  You have described those feelings brilliantly.  I donít have that ability to get things over in the context via typing :13:  I think those eggshells youíve been walking on are in the bin quite literally heh.


 Donít feel guilty itís easy to say but Iíve been having counselling and my counsellor has gone on at me we did a good job and we are as important as our kids and finally we just want some peace time. 


The affects on us of mess you describe is very bad mentally and I can feel the calmness that the room now feels for you.  Iíve been empty nested now since 2016 and like you have struggled with the emotions to near breakdown but I hope Iíve turned a corner.


 I love things tidy and clean too as itís good for my head but my daughter who visits tonight for Easter is a total nightmare, long showers, water all over, and although we are close we get on each otherís nerves a lot. She had different values I guess.  I value my head space now which when I look back I was missing her so much but now realise how did I stand the mess like you. 


Your guilt feelings will go mine have lessened and YOU are just as important remember xx

Online Jeanine

  • Have faith, it WILL get better!
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1232
  • Gender: Female
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #6 on: April 23, 2019, 02:51:55 PM »
Hi Moonchild, just checking with you to see how things are going? How long is it going to be before he moves into his own apartment with his friends? I hope things keep moving in a positive direction for you and please keep us posted on how it goes.

Offline Moonchild

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 6
  • Gender: Female
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2019, 08:17:49 AM »
Hi Jeanine,


Thanks for asking - has it really been 2 months since you posted that?  I've been busy with my daughter and her upcoming graduation activities that I haven't gotten back on here.


Life has a way of going where you don't expect it.  My son is still living with his father - moving out fell through and feeling bad for my son has added to the sadness I already feel.  Before he was planning on moving in with his friends, his father stopped paying child support for him which took a huge toll on my finances.  Because I am self employed and don't have any steady income to get a mortgage, I could sell the house but wouldn't have anywhere to live until I could use the proceeds to buy one.  The equity isn't bad, but house prices are way up so I'd have to move to the middle of nowhere to afford a house for cash.


I'm trying to stay in my house as long as I can now at least until I get things figured out.  I am a bit of emotional mess right now as I grieve the loss of my beautiful cat a few months ago, my son moving out, my daughter going to college in two months, my business slowing down, my health stopping me from being who I was and being able to get a job and whatever else might come my way lol.  It's a LOT and I'm trying to take it one day at a time.


I think the biggest detriment of all is my current health situation.  Closing my business and getting a job would certainly alleviate many of the financial and security issues I have right now.  But, it seems like every job I look at needs you to be able to lift a certain amount, which I can't do.  And, anything that doesn't require lifting isn't something I can do or want to do.


And, I miss my son terribly.  He is only a few miles away and I haven't seen him in quite some time.  I've texted him, but I need to see his face and hear his voice.  He drives by here to pick up his friend in the neighborhood, but doesn't stop by.  That just makes me feel like I must have been the worst mother ever and adds to the growing mountain of emotions. 


I'm just trying to ride it all out like a big wave.  Letting things fall into place instead of fighting against it all.  Easier said than done when the wave feels like it's going to pull you under and you know if you don't do something you're going to go down with it.


So, that's my update! I'm sure it will get better from here........ :smileyholdingflower:

Online Jeanine

  • Have faith, it WILL get better!
  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1232
  • Gender: Female
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2019, 09:54:16 AM »
Wow....thanks for that update Moonchild! Sounds like you still have a lot on your plate but are handling things the best you can. Sometimes just trying to be patient and let things run their course is the best thing to do and hopefully things will start to work out.


Hang in there, it does sound like you will get to a really good place soon.


Take care!   :grouphugsign: :grouphugsign:

Offline MaryB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1972
Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2019, 03:38:53 PM »
I wonder if we will ever stop missing our children.  You are a survivor and it shows!  You will make it thru this too.  Best of luck to you Moonchild!   :big hug smiley sign:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: re: My guilty feelings.....
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2019, 03:38:53 PM »

 

Copyright © Empty Nest Moms