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Author Topic: Having children/grandchildren in different states  (Read 429 times)

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Offline CharleneS

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Having children/grandchildren in different states
« on: February 22, 2019, 02:00:31 PM »
My 2 older kids moved out in April of last year. It's been tough adjusting to them being gone. But now I've graduated my master's and am working on my phd and find myself having to look for work for the first time in years. I want to be close to my kids but they are going in different directions! I don't know what to do. I know there are plenty of people out there with this problem. What do you do? I've always wanted to be a "hands on" grand mother. I can't do that if they are so far away. LOL Help please!

Empty Nest Moms

Having children/grandchildren in different states
« on: February 22, 2019, 02:00:31 PM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2019, 07:21:35 PM »
Hello CharleneS  :cute group hug:  and welcome to the family!
I'm so proud of you for all you've accomplished!  Wow I am in awe!   
I understand and completely agree with you wanting to be close to the kids.  I say move closer to the daughter..  That's my opinion.  Seems the daughters seem to want the mom's more..   maybe I am wrong, but that's my 2 cents..  haha you can give me change!   :big hug smiley sign:

Offline CharleneS

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #2 on: February 26, 2019, 03:08:38 PM »
MaryB,
Thank you for your input! I never expected the house to be so lonely without the kids. LOL To be honest I never really thought about them leaving, other than to go to college. How crazy is that?

Offline noodle

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2019, 03:19:30 PM »
@MaryB, interesting what you said about moving closer to the daughter. Compared to our brother, my sister and I make a bigger effort to get together with our mom. Is it an in-law thing, maybe?

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #3 on: February 26, 2019, 03:19:30 PM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #4 on: February 26, 2019, 03:33:16 PM »
MaryB,
Thank you for your input! I never expected the house to be so lonely without the kids. LOL To be honest I never really thought about them leaving, other than to go to college. How crazy is that?


Not crazy at all Charlene!  I have said it many times how we are like blinded when we have children, or we wouldnt have any if we knew the heartaches that come with them leaving us.  We all think those babies are ours forever, right?  I did.  I always thought I'd be in my son's life, but boy he doesnt feel that way. 
I'm glad you are here Charlene..   :cute group hug:

Offline MaryB

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #5 on: February 26, 2019, 03:35:09 PM »
@MaryB, interesting what you said about moving closer to the daughter. Compared to our brother, my sister and I make a bigger effort to get together with our mom. Is it an in-law thing, maybe?


I surely dont know noodle, but all I've heard is a son is a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all your life..  and as much as I hate that saying, by george, it seems to hit home from what I see anyway!   :(

Offline CharleneS

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2019, 10:24:01 AM »
MaryB,
It's that way for me as well, with my son. When he was at home we would stay up till early morning just talking. We would discuss everything. Now that he has moved in with his fiance I hardly ever hear from him. I pay for his PHONE and I don't hear from him! LOL When my daughter moved out she made sure that we played words with friends every Tuesday night until other obligations got in the way for both of us. I know it sounds funny and unrealistic, but I always dreamed about building a big "compound" and housing all of us along with significant others and any children that came along.


I'm glad I found this site. It's good to be able to talk to others that know I feel.  :13:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #6 on: February 27, 2019, 10:24:01 AM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #7 on: February 27, 2019, 01:30:43 PM »
You know I think that when family did live near each other it was better..  they took care of the elderly as needed and each generation looked out for the sick or needy ..  That's how I thought too,  Charlene!  I always thought my son would marry but stay close by..   
I would have never thought my son would turn on us but a girl has that power I've come to find out..  she can be your new daughter or the one that took your son away.  We dont have a say.  The power is in that girls hands..  At least this is how my life has been.  My son turned on us like a snake for that one he married.. now divorced.    But he is not the same.   I would not trust him now.  I  hope you have better luck than I did.

Offline apmumof7

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #8 on: February 27, 2019, 09:43:18 PM »
I really really need this board as I am getting so depressed. I am in Australia one son is in Canberra, one in Perth, one daughter Melbourne, these are all long flights from me, one son South Korea and one daughter an hours drive. I have two at home with autism which is lovely but I too thought that they would all live around where we live. I am happy to be on the board and hope I can help and be helped  :grouphugsign:

Offline CharleneS

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #9 on: February 28, 2019, 10:19:27 AM »
Apmumof7,
I'm glad you found this site and my thread. I have a child with autism as well. Well she's actually 23 years old now. I know how challenging it can be to raise a child with disabilities. You must have an extreme amount of patience and love to be raising 2! Both of my older 2 moved out at about the same time which was the beginning of last April. I was so incredibly depressed. I had my doubts that I it would get any better. It did get better though! I have 3 adorable little dogs and I have started giving them baths once a week. This gives me something to do other think about what bothers me.
I have degrees in psychology and sometimes overcoming depression can start with something as simple as putting your favorite chair in a different spot. I know it sounds crazy, but it gives you different vantage point. Joining this site was a great start as well! Find things that will keep you busy and that are fun. Try creating a weekly date with yourself, or with your kids at home and plan on it every week so you have something to look forward to. Start a blog and talk about your day. Or start a journal. I don't know how bad your depression is, but you may want to think about seeing a therapist. We really do help.
I hope things get better for you.


Offline MaryB

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #10 on: February 28, 2019, 11:30:00 AM »
I really really need this board as I am getting so depressed. I am in Australia one son is in Canberra, one in Perth, one daughter Melbourne, these are all long flights from me, one son South Korea and one daughter an hours drive. I have two at home with autism which is lovely but I too thought that they would all live around where we live. I am happy to be on the board and hope I can help and be helped  :grouphugsign:


apmumof7,  welcome to the family!   :cute group hug: You have helped already, sharing your life and making contacts.  Thank you.  It sounds to me like you need to refill your well because giving as much as you do, you are running low. 
Our  Charlene knows just where you are and has so much good wisdom to share and a friendship, along with the rest of us, is yours.  I hope you can take baby steps to do something for yourself today.   Sending you love long distance!   :039:

Offline MaryB

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #11 on: February 28, 2019, 11:31:06 AM »
Apmumof7,
I'm glad you found this site and my thread. I have a child with autism as well. Well she's actually 23 years old now. I know how challenging it can be to raise a child with disabilities. You must have an extreme amount of patience and love to be raising 2! Both of my older 2 moved out at about the same time which was the beginning of last April. I was so incredibly depressed. I had my doubts that I it would get any better. It did get better though! I have 3 adorable little dogs and I have started giving them baths once a week. This gives me something to do other think about what bothers me.
I have degrees in psychology and sometimes overcoming depression can start with something as simple as putting your favorite chair in a different spot. I know it sounds crazy, but it gives you different vantage point. Joining this site was a great start as well! Find things that will keep you busy and that are fun. Try creating a weekly date with yourself, or with your kids at home and plan on it every week so you have something to look forward to. Start a blog and talk about your day. Or start a journal. I don't know how bad your depression is, but you may want to think about seeing a therapist. We really do help.
I hope things get better for you.


Love you honey!   :huggingsmiley:

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #12 on: April 23, 2019, 02:59:00 PM »
Hi CharleneS, just checking on you to see how you are doing? It's been a couple of months and hope things are going well? Are you still giving those furbabies baths every week? :) They can really help make us feel better sometimes. Do you happen to have any pics of your doggies? We'd love to see them. I do believe most of us here are pet lovers. :)


Take care and check back in with us when you can.  :039:

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2019, 03:07:16 PM »
apmumof7, how are you doing? I hope you are feeling better, you sounded really down in your post. Looks like charleneS gave you some good ideas on how to help make yourself feel a little better and to seek a therapist if need be. We would love to hear from you and how you are doing. Sometimes just having a place to come 'talk' with others that may be going through some of the things you are helps. Do pop back in when you can and let us know how things are going.


 :big hug smiley sign: :big hug smiley sign: :big hug smiley sign:

Offline CharleneS

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Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2019, 05:14:34 PM »
Jeanine,
I have had ups and downs. I started my PhD in Psychology, so that is keeping me busy now. And yes, I have plenty of pictures of my babies!Chunk is truly my emotional support baby. He knows when I start to feel depressed. He just senses it and comes running. Fluffy is my needy baby. He is a nervous baby. The bumble bee outside scared him! He is so cute! Beatrice runs the house and is the mother of the other 2.The picture I attached shows all 4 of my babies. The poodle on top of the sofa is Smoochie. He is the father of Chunk and Fluffy. The baby I am kissing is Chunk. The little white 1 is Beatrice, and the other black 1 is Fluffy. My daughter took Smoochie with her when she moved to Kentucky. Letting him go was so hard.
I hope things have been well for you and yours?

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Having children/grandchildren in different states
« Reply #14 on: April 23, 2019, 05:14:34 PM »

 

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