Roles since the children went off?

[MaryB]

What has changed since the children went off?  Does one person still do all the cooking?  Are you still cooking full meals like you did?  Has the husband started helping with things, like laundry or dishes? 
 

[JustUs2]

What has changed since the children went off?  Does one person still do all the cooking?  Are you still cooking full meals like you did?  Has the husband started helping with things, like laundry or dishes? 

My parents modeled an egalitarian relationship for me, so I've always had things that way too.  My husband's family was the same.  We sort of divide tasks based on who enjoys what more than anything else, but the workload is the same.  If one of us gets done more quickly than the other that person will start pitching in on the other tasks.  Many hands make light work and all that.  We came from similar families and we were both cradle Catholics.  There's a lot of volunteering and helping that's ingrained in all that.  I do the cooking and baking at home instead of us eating out because of our low-carb diet.  I love cooking and baking.  It relaxes me. 


Our roles haven't changed much over the years.  I would take care of him if he needed me to and vice versa.


My son, on the other hand, is lazy, lazy, lazy.  He's happy to go to work and he works hard while he's there.  However, when he comes home he expects to do nothing while my daughter-in-law continues caring for the house and kids all day.  We most certainly didn't raise him to be like that.  He had chores as a kid and was also a cradle Catholic with the same values  instilled in him, so where did he go wrong?  He's just always been lazy.

[Katy]

Since we moved my mom in, I've been cooking bigger meals again. We often have leftovers for the next day, which lightens my load a little. My husband is taking on a few more chores since we moved my mom in because I'm spending a lot of time helping my mom with various things. We try and help each other out if one of us has more to do on any certain day than the other.

[MaryB]

JustUs2 and Katy, you both sound like you have good caring husbands and that's how it should be.   


What about cooking?  Dishes?  I would love someone else do the dishes once in a while!   

[Quiet Abode]

Can't you tell your husband or son to do them, MaryB?  Sometimes you have to speak up.  We eat out a lot because it's just us two.  We have a dishwasher and we each put our own dishes up.  Can you guys use paper plates and just trash them once you're done.  It's bad for the environment, but it might make you want to throttle your husband less.  If push came to shove, I'd just wash mine and leave his sitting there dirty.  I wouldn't be willing to clean up after a grown man (or my son either).  You're too nice. 


When the kids were little, I did more of the housework.  We shared in responsibilities and it was meant to be even, but he could make extra money on the side while I didn't have those skills.  We needed the cash for our kids, so we put in the same time but I was at home more.  It made me grumpy as I'm no Suzy Homemaker.  I have to say that  he does a lot for my mom and it bugs me that society praises him for it.  I'm always told how lucky I am to have a caring husband.  Uh, no.  He's a part of the family too, he should do those things.

[MaryB]

I agree 100% Quiet Abode.  It's not hard to be nice, unless the person does not have a nice bone!
I think those that say they would marry again, have had a good marriage..  that's why I say I would never marry again. 

[LeeAnn]

My husband has been doing more cooking since our youngest kid left for college. I'm fine with that since he's the better cook! I still do over half the cleaning.

[MaryB]

LeeAnn, that's what I heard so much of, and stupidly thought my life would be like,  my husband picking up some slack when he retired.  I guess my husband is to old fashioned and thinks it's all women's work.  Sad we never get to retire..   

[adanna]

Daily chores aren't that different than before. But I do notice I have a lot of free time now, like too much free time. I used to spend all the time with my kids. Now they are all grown up so I don't have much to do. My husband and I got divorced a few years ago too. I feel really lonely some days but now I got more things to distract myself.

[Olive]

I would love someone else do the dishes once in a while!   

Same here. The problem is that everyone hates doing dishes. What's with dining utensils that we, humans, don't want to clean our own mess?

As for the roles in the home, we have to adjust the responsibilities when someone has left. For that matter, everyone should chip in and do the chores. Everyone should know all the chores in the house, so that when someone is gone, then those who are left behind can take over the responsibility of the person who left.

[noodle]

I do the dishes and laundry more often now! At least he took over paying the bills (which I used to do) and does all the lawn mowing, leaf raking, and moving trash and recycling.

[MaryB]

It's just good manners to me, that if you see your mate struggling with anything,  outside work or in, that you pitch in to help where we can.  To sit like a king and be served without lifting a finger to help is just nasty to me.   If everyone treated their mate like their best friend,  then it would not need rules but help would be offered willingly.  That's how it should be if this were a perfect world.. ha!