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Author Topic: Roles since the children went off?  (Read 211 times)

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Offline MaryB

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Roles since the children went off?
« on: February 05, 2019, 02:59:41 PM »
What has changed since the children went off?  Does one person still do all the cooking?  Are you still cooking full meals like you did?  Has the husband started helping with things, like laundry or dishes? 
 :039:

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Roles since the children went off?
« on: February 05, 2019, 02:59:41 PM »

Offline JustUs2

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #1 on: February 05, 2019, 08:22:13 PM »
What has changed since the children went off?  Does one person still do all the cooking?  Are you still cooking full meals like you did?  Has the husband started helping with things, like laundry or dishes? 

My parents modeled an egalitarian relationship for me, so I've always had things that way too.  My husband's family was the same.  We sort of divide tasks based on who enjoys what more than anything else, but the workload is the same.  If one of us gets done more quickly than the other that person will start pitching in on the other tasks.  Many hands make light work and all that.  We came from similar families and we were both cradle Catholics.  There's a lot of volunteering and helping that's ingrained in all that.  I do the cooking and baking at home instead of us eating out because of our low-carb diet.  I love cooking and baking.  It relaxes me. 


Our roles haven't changed much over the years.  I would take care of him if he needed me to and vice versa.


My son, on the other hand, is lazy, lazy, lazy.  He's happy to go to work and he works hard while he's there.  However, when he comes home he expects to do nothing while my daughter-in-law continues caring for the house and kids all day.  We most certainly didn't raise him to be like that.  He had chores as a kid and was also a cradle Catholic with the same values  instilled in him, so where did he go wrong?  He's just always been lazy.


Offline Katy

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2019, 06:02:31 AM »
Since we moved my mom in, I've been cooking bigger meals again. We often have leftovers for the next day, which lightens my load a little. My husband is taking on a few more chores since we moved my mom in because I'm spending a lot of time helping my mom with various things. We try and help each other out if one of us has more to do on any certain day than the other.

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #2 on: February 06, 2019, 06:02:31 AM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #3 on: February 06, 2019, 09:05:57 AM »
JustUs2 and Katy, you both sound like you have good caring husbands and that's how it should be.   


What about cooking?  Dishes?  I would love someone else do the dishes once in a while!   :13:

Offline Quiet Abode

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #4 on: February 06, 2019, 05:00:29 PM »
Can't you tell your husband or son to do them, MaryB?  Sometimes you have to speak up.  We eat out a lot because it's just us two.  We have a dishwasher and we each put our own dishes up.  Can you guys use paper plates and just trash them once you're done.  It's bad for the environment, but it might make you want to throttle your husband less.  If push came to shove, I'd just wash mine and leave his sitting there dirty.  I wouldn't be willing to clean up after a grown man (or my son either).  You're too nice. 


When the kids were little, I did more of the housework.  We shared in responsibilities and it was meant to be even, but he could make extra money on the side while I didn't have those skills.  We needed the cash for our kids, so we put in the same time but I was at home more.  It made me grumpy as I'm no Suzy Homemaker.  I have to say that  he does a lot for my mom and it bugs me that society praises him for it.  I'm always told how lucky I am to have a caring husband.  Uh, no.  He's a part of the family too, he should do those things.

Offline MaryB

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2019, 06:03:24 PM »
I agree 100% Quiet Abode.  It's not hard to be nice, unless the person does not have a nice bone!
I think those that say they would marry again, have had a good marriage..  that's why I say I would never marry again. 

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #5 on: February 06, 2019, 06:03:24 PM »

Offline LeeAnn

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #6 on: February 06, 2019, 09:33:10 PM »
My husband has been doing more cooking since our youngest kid left for college. I'm fine with that since he's the better cook! I still do over half the cleaning.

Offline MaryB

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Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2019, 11:02:59 AM »
LeeAnn, that's what I heard so much of, and stupidly thought my life would be like,  my husband picking up some slack when he retired.  I guess my husband is to old fashioned and thinks it's all women's work.  Sad we never get to retire..   :(

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Roles since the children went off?
« Reply #7 on: February 07, 2019, 11:02:59 AM »

 

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