Empty Nest Moms



Netrition

Netrition - 
The Internet's Premier Nutrition Superstore!

You can find many Low Carb products here!

Dixie USA has many to choose from and a lot of them are very tasty! I've Tried them myself and all are pretty simple to make!

.....Looking to make some cake? Try these....Dixie USA Carb Counters Cupcake & Frosting Mix

.....How about a really good Cinnamon Sugar Substitute? Then you may want to try this one! Sans Sucre Cinnamon Sugar Substitute

.....Need a great zero carb sweetner? Try the the 0.5 size! Last a long time.....EZ-Sweetz Liquid Sucralose

.....This is a great Brand to check out for a large variety of low carb products....Bob's Red Mill

.....And another great Brand with lots of low carb products to check out is.....NOW

You can always do a 'search' for other health foods and such while your there so be sure to check them out!

User Info

 
 
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

.

Author Topic: New here...  (Read 284 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Nu2day

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 11
  • Gender: Female
New here...
« on: January 13, 2019, 12:46:00 AM »
Hi there,
I joined awhile ago, wrote quite a long post and then somehow lost the whole thing. So I'm trying again!
I was reading some of the entries on the forum and it sounds like we are all in similar boats.
Sorry in advance if this is long.
My husband and I have two kids, ages 25 and 21. One is at college in a city an hour away and the other one is working in the States. We live in Canada, so that's been majorly hard to deal with. One positive thing though, is that it's about a 7 hour drive - not ideal, but do-able.
Our oldest daughter moved there in October and for the first time our house is empty. And so am I.
I'm having a lot of trouble lately with depression. It may be empty nest, menopause and caring for my mom, all rolled into one, but it sucks. Also, our children have both had mental health crises over the years and I'm always worried about them.
Never in the early days of marriage and kids did I think we'd go through some of the things we have as a family.
I also have no career, I'm obese, unhealthy and feel bad about myself.
There is still much to be thankful for in my life though and I acknowledge that. I try to tell myself to smarten up and get on with it, but there are days when I'm just so sad.
I find myself kind of reliving the past lately, thinking about when the kids were little and what kind of mother I was. Sometimes I think we did a good job as parents, other times I feel like the worst mother in the world. I blame myself for their problems and I go back in time and wish I could have approached things with the wisdom I have now.
I feel lost. I feel like my life is over. I feel like it all just went too fast. I know it took years for our children to grow up and become adults, but it feels like it happened overnight. And I'm shell-shocked.
It's like... now what?
My husband wants to downsize too and I will be a mess if we sell our house. We moved here when the kids were 10 and 6 years old. I'm still very attached to our house and that will be just another difficult change to adjust to.
I'm the youngest of my siblings also and we've already lost a brother to cancer. My middle sister has had two strokes and my oldest sister had knee surgery. Seeing them grow older and have health issues freaks me out  and being the only one left scares me. It's a statistical probability though and it's hard to wrap my head around. Since I turned 50 a couple of years ago, I think about death a lot. I know I have to make some changes in my life because I feel like I'm not living.
Thank you for listening.


Empty Nest Moms

New here...
« on: January 13, 2019, 12:46:00 AM »

Offline MaryB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1946
Re: New here...
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2019, 10:51:45 AM »
Hello Nu2day..    I am glad you jumped in.   This is a whole new stage in your life and it's not going to be easy.  Instead of the stage of driving and the excitement of freedom, this stage is just what you said.. now what!  But there is happiness in other areas that you may have to push yourself to explore.  Maybe card writing to the service men, or knitting hats for the preemies at the hospital, or knitting scarfs and hats for the children's home..  what I'm getting at is doing things for others..   if you get involved in something that you can do with your limitations it will help you mentally, and believe me when I say I understand!!!!!!
Good luck to you dear, and please write often..  you are among people just like yourself..
 :big hug smiley sign:

Offline Nu2day

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 11
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2019, 04:48:53 PM »
Thank you MaryB for responding. Those are all good suggestions. I do feel great when I'm helping other people and it does give me a focus. Being alone all day with your own thoughts can be counterproductive. I just have to find motivation to do something!
I know others are struggling with their new circumstances too and it helps to know I'm not alone or unusual in my sadness. Thanks for the hug too!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: New here...
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2019, 04:48:53 PM »

Offline MaryB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1946
Re: New here...
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2019, 05:37:37 PM »
You're welcome.  I know it's tuff starting but baby steps.   There are even online puzzles you can put together..   You can download your photos and make puzzles out of them....  brainsbreaker.com  I think... 
Or you could play me dominoes on pogo.com   It would be a start anyway

Offline MaryB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1946
Re: New here...
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2019, 05:39:01 PM »

Empty Nest Moms

Re: New here...
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2019, 05:39:01 PM »

Offline Quiet Abode

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 178
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2019, 10:47:25 PM »
Welcome to the group!  I'm glad you decided to write everything out again and join in.  I've had my typing disappear before too and it sure is frustrating when it happens.  I've found being a caretaker is much tougher than being a parent.  I deal with demanding elderly relatives who are never grateful or satisfied and I've learned it's pretty common for caretakers to feel depressed and to struggle with their weight.  I'm not sure what could help that though. 


I hope you've expressed to your husband that you don't want to sell your home.  It doesn't make sense to sell it if doing so will make you feel worse.  Have you heard of 7cups.com?  That might be a good place to find help with mental wellness.  Of course, this forum is a great resource too and members here are super friendly.  I hope you'll stick around and post often.

Offline Layla

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 169
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #6 on: January 16, 2019, 06:14:38 AM »
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find a lot of support here. I just love this place as everyone can relate to how I'm feeling; it's like I'm never alone.

I'm so sorry you are struggling with depression right now. I think it is natural to go back and relive the past when our kids leave the nest. I know I have done the same thing. Remember that you did the best job you could.

I am trying to make some changes in my own life now that my daughter has left the nest. Start small. Set realistic goals for yourself. Remember to congratulate yourself when you accomplish a goal or make headway toward one, and be sure to share with us, so we can celebrate with you!

Offline Nu2day

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 11
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2019, 10:52:56 PM »
Thank you MaryB for those links, my brain needs a challenge!! Keeping busy is a good thing and gets you out of your own head a bit.

Offline Nu2day

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 11
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2019, 10:59:02 PM »
Thank you QuietAbode for your post and the warm welcome! Yes, it's hard to be a caregiver to elderly folks and my mom is probably the most negative person I know, bless her. I go home exhausted and drained afterward as I'm sure you must too.
I will check out 7 cups, thanks.
I've told my husband i dont want to think about moving for at least a year! Not until I'm in a better place emotionally. Thanks again for your kind reply. :smileyholdingflower:

Offline Nu2day

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 11
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2019, 11:04:27 PM »
Hi Layla, and thank you for your reply. I wish there was a way to reply individually to each person's post, but I'm still figuring out the site.
I think you are wise when you say start small for goal setting. I'm glad you've found some strategies that help now that your daughter has left the nest.
One day at a time, I suppose. Thank you again for the welcome and your thoughts  :smileyholdingflower: [size=78%] [/size]

Offline SusanWGF

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 73
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #10 on: February 05, 2019, 01:27:48 AM »
I can relate to so much of what you said. I'm relatively new to this site as well. I'm a mother of 5 children and my youngest left a short time ago. When he left, I thought "Well, this is it then." Kind of like I'm just sitting around waiting to die  :( . However, those are my thoughts at my lowest moments. I have lots of happy moments where I relax, play some games, do some reading, chat with my husband, talk to my kids on the phone, cuddle with my big fat cat (he's the best at cuddles) and more. When I'm starting to feel like an empty shell of a purpose who has run out of usefulness, I like to take a look in my keepsake box that I've stored all the birthday/holiday cards my children have given to me over the years. It never fails to put a smile on my face. Checking out pictures of my heavenly grandchildren on Facebook helps too! Their tiny, beautiful faces take my breath away!

Offline Nu2day

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 11
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #11 on: February 20, 2019, 08:42:46 PM »
SusanWGF, what a lovely reply and I like your idea of getting out the birthday cards :) Congratulations on your beautiful grandbabies!

Offline redbirdsfly

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 1
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2019, 06:35:43 PM »
Hi Nu2day,  I just joined today and your post was the first one I read.  Boy, I felt like I was reading my own story...I have been a stay at home mom for 25 yrs as my husband travels all the time for his job.  I did it all for a long, long time and although as crazy as the days got, I loved the turmoil.  The noise.  The chaos.  Now my son is 20 a sophmore in college and my daughter is 25, lives nearby but is very busy with work etc...Hubby travels more than ever and I find myself most days looking in the mirror thinking what the heck has happened to you and what now?? 80 ibs overweight, 2 knee replacements later I feel like this is it.  I have looked for PT jobs but as of yet no luck.  One wanted FT which I cannot do because now I have to drive my elderly mom to and from appointments etc...The depression has been creeping up and up and lately has just been paralyzing.  My husband says he "gets it"  but I feel judged when I'm not always happy happy happy.  At 56 I do need to get some weight off, crazy as I have a reccumbant exercise bike in my bedroom which I can't seem to get my butt on.  Now dear hubby is pushing me since i made the mistake of mentioning to him that I'd like to lose weight. 
So, you are NOT alone in your feelings!  To basically be selfless for 25 yrs and then have to instantly switch to ok, now my turn is such an overwhelming chapter.  I feel my loneliness is worse when my husband is around and is just so work focused I feel invisible.  I hope to hear from some of you who have been here and turned around your sadness to  :jiggly smiley:

Offline MaryB

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1946
Re: New here...
« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2019, 07:17:49 PM »
redbirdsfly  :cute group hug: welcome to the family!  You are among  loving caring,  understanding people here!  I know how strange it is to turn our nurturing 'off' and I dont think it ever really stops, but it will get easier thinking about yourself, and it will snowball once you start, to want to love yourself and lose some weight and the healthier you get the happier you will find yourself.  Baby steps my friend.  This is the first step and I'm so proud of you for jumping in!   :huggingsmiley:

Offline Nu2day

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 11
  • Gender: Female
Re: New here...
« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2019, 06:29:29 PM »
Redbirdsfly, I hope you find some comfort in this group.  I would like to participate more but have been sick and have a lot on the go at the moment. Dont we all, right?! Lol...
People always talks about 'me' time and taking time to take care of ourselves. It hasn't really occurred to me until now that I have not done that - I take care of everyone else. To the point of where I feel there's nothing left.
I am sure I'm not alone, as most moms do tend to put their needs last.
I'm trying to eat better though and focus my goals on health. I know that includes exercise and that's been hard to get going on!
I dont know how I'd manage if I had two knee replacements as you have! Wow, that's a lot.
My sister had the same surgery and the recovery has been a long one. I hope you're doing okay with your knees now.
I understand about your husband, mine is a workaholic and sometimes when he's home I feel a bit stressed out. He's great, dont get me wrong, but I've been used to having my time to myself. He gets on my case about the weight issue too... but he says it's because he's worried about my health.
Yes, it is baby steps as we adjust to a whole different way of life. I'm going to try to have a different attitude about it all and I hope you find this group a helpful thing. Everyone is so warm and welcoming!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: New here...
« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2019, 06:29:29 PM »

 

Copyright © Empty Nest Moms