Empty Nest Moms



Netrition

Netrition - 
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You can find many Low Carb products here!

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Author Topic: New here...  (Read 69 times)

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Offline Nu2day

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New here...
« on: January 13, 2019, 12:46:00 AM »
Hi there,
I joined awhile ago, wrote quite a long post and then somehow lost the whole thing. So I'm trying again!
I was reading some of the entries on the forum and it sounds like we are all in similar boats.
Sorry in advance if this is long.
My husband and I have two kids, ages 25 and 21. One is at college in a city an hour away and the other one is working in the States. We live in Canada, so that's been majorly hard to deal with. One positive thing though, is that it's about a 7 hour drive - not ideal, but do-able.
Our oldest daughter moved there in October and for the first time our house is empty. And so am I.
I'm having a lot of trouble lately with depression. It may be empty nest, menopause and caring for my mom, all rolled into one, but it sucks. Also, our children have both had mental health crises over the years and I'm always worried about them.
Never in the early days of marriage and kids did I think we'd go through some of the things we have as a family.
I also have no career, I'm obese, unhealthy and feel bad about myself.
There is still much to be thankful for in my life though and I acknowledge that. I try to tell myself to smarten up and get on with it, but there are days when I'm just so sad.
I find myself kind of reliving the past lately, thinking about when the kids were little and what kind of mother I was. Sometimes I think we did a good job as parents, other times I feel like the worst mother in the world. I blame myself for their problems and I go back in time and wish I could have approached things with the wisdom I have now.
I feel lost. I feel like my life is over. I feel like it all just went too fast. I know it took years for our children to grow up and become adults, but it feels like it happened overnight. And I'm shell-shocked.
It's like... now what?
My husband wants to downsize too and I will be a mess if we sell our house. We moved here when the kids were 10 and 6 years old. I'm still very attached to our house and that will be just another difficult change to adjust to.
I'm the youngest of my siblings also and we've already lost a brother to cancer. My middle sister has had two strokes and my oldest sister had knee surgery. Seeing them grow older and have health issues freaks me out  and being the only one left scares me. It's a statistical probability though and it's hard to wrap my head around. Since I turned 50 a couple of years ago, I think about death a lot. I know I have to make some changes in my life because I feel like I'm not living.
Thank you for listening.


Empty Nest Moms

New here...
« on: January 13, 2019, 12:46:00 AM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: New here...
« Reply #1 on: January 14, 2019, 10:51:45 AM »
Hello Nu2day..    I am glad you jumped in.   This is a whole new stage in your life and it's not going to be easy.  Instead of the stage of driving and the excitement of freedom, this stage is just what you said.. now what!  But there is happiness in other areas that you may have to push yourself to explore.  Maybe card writing to the service men, or knitting hats for the preemies at the hospital, or knitting scarfs and hats for the children's home..  what I'm getting at is doing things for others..   if you get involved in something that you can do with your limitations it will help you mentally, and believe me when I say I understand!!!!!!
Good luck to you dear, and please write often..  you are among people just like yourself..
 :big hug smiley sign:

Offline Nu2day

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Re: New here...
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2019, 04:48:53 PM »
Thank you MaryB for responding. Those are all good suggestions. I do feel great when I'm helping other people and it does give me a focus. Being alone all day with your own thoughts can be counterproductive. I just have to find motivation to do something!
I know others are struggling with their new circumstances too and it helps to know I'm not alone or unusual in my sadness. Thanks for the hug too!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: New here...
« Reply #2 on: January 15, 2019, 04:48:53 PM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: New here...
« Reply #3 on: January 15, 2019, 05:37:37 PM »
You're welcome.  I know it's tuff starting but baby steps.   There are even online puzzles you can put together..   You can download your photos and make puzzles out of them....  brainsbreaker.com  I think... 
Or you could play me dominoes on pogo.com   It would be a start anyway

Offline MaryB

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Re: New here...
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2019, 05:39:01 PM »

Empty Nest Moms

Re: New here...
« Reply #4 on: January 15, 2019, 05:39:01 PM »

Offline Quiet Abode

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Re: New here...
« Reply #5 on: January 15, 2019, 10:47:25 PM »
Welcome to the group!  I'm glad you decided to write everything out again and join in.  I've had my typing disappear before too and it sure is frustrating when it happens.  I've found being a caretaker is much tougher than being a parent.  I deal with demanding elderly relatives who are never grateful or satisfied and I've learned it's pretty common for caretakers to feel depressed and to struggle with their weight.  I'm not sure what could help that though. 


I hope you've expressed to your husband that you don't want to sell your home.  It doesn't make sense to sell it if doing so will make you feel worse.  Have you heard of 7cups.com?  That might be a good place to find help with mental wellness.  Of course, this forum is a great resource too and members here are super friendly.  I hope you'll stick around and post often.

Offline Layla

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Re: New here...
« Reply #6 on: Yesterday at 06:14:38 AM »
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find a lot of support here. I just love this place as everyone can relate to how I'm feeling; it's like I'm never alone.

I'm so sorry you are struggling with depression right now. I think it is natural to go back and relive the past when our kids leave the nest. I know I have done the same thing. Remember that you did the best job you could.

I am trying to make some changes in my own life now that my daughter has left the nest. Start small. Set realistic goals for yourself. Remember to congratulate yourself when you accomplish a goal or make headway toward one, and be sure to share with us, so we can celebrate with you!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: New here...
« Reply #6 on: Yesterday at 06:14:38 AM »

 

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