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Author Topic: When their marriage is falling apart  (Read 100 times)

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Offline JustUs2

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When their marriage is falling apart
« on: December 10, 2018, 08:24:13 AM »
I haven't posted here in a while because we're going through some family upheaval that is just exhausting and sad.  My son's marriage is falling apart and it's mostly his own fault to be honest.  He is just plain lazy and always has been despite all we tried to do to nudge him in another direction.  He has a good job and is a hard worker for his employer, but he doesn't do much with his daughter and son, doesn't clean or cook, doesn't keep the yard up unless nagged to do so.  His wife is a stay-at-home mom who really wants to go back to work, but daycare expenses make that impossible, at least for a couple more years.  We aren't willing to babysit full-time for them, but we do give them breaks by keeping the grandkids for a couple of days here and there.  Our daughter-in-law came from a well to do family, so she is a little spoiled and isn't the best with money, but she isn't lazy and seems to love our son and their children. 

It's just a tough situation because they fight all the time and of course we hear about it.  Then we end up angry with our son (again) and we wind up arguing with him and each other over it.  Our daughter-in-law's family sticks their noses in it too, and it's just a mess.  I worry that they'll divorce, she'll get the kids, and we won't see them much anymore.  I worry our son will be left in financial ruin.  I worry about where we went wrong as parents and husband and wife to have this upheaval going on.  Aren't your kids supposed to have a marriage similar to yours?  I think I read that somewhere.  Well, my husband and I are happily married and I want that for them as well.

Have any of your children gotten a divorce?  When their spousal relationship is on rocky ground, do you try to help or do you stay out of it?


Offline cherie

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Re: When their marriage is falling apart
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2018, 09:46:50 AM »
Any parent out there will never sit back and watch their child's marriage fall apart; we all have the natural instinct to try and help. Have you tried to have them both in a sitting to hear what each of them has to say? You may also want to find them a counselor. I sincerely hope that all will be well in the long run.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: When their marriage is falling apart
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2018, 09:46:50 AM »

Offline CountryMom

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Re: When their marriage is falling apart
« Reply #2 on: December 15, 2018, 12:50:21 AM »
Have any of your children gotten a divorce?  When their spousal relationship is on rocky ground, do you try to help or do you stay out of it?
My daughter got a divorce last year. I helped her through it every step the way. She came to me for help when their relationship first started going downhill. It came as a shock to me initially because it all went down so quickly. In fact, I had just helped her plan an anniversary surprise for her husband. It came out in the end that he was having an affair and they divorced soon after that information came to light. The same thing happened in my marriage, so I was her rock as she worked her way through everything.  So, it's kind of a different situation than the one you described. However, even if the circumstances had been different, I'd still be there to help and try to provide guidance.

Offline JustUs2

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Re: When their marriage is falling apart
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2018, 06:25:39 PM »
 Cherie, I am pushing very hard for them to get marriage counseling before it's too late.  My husband and I let them know we'll pay for any licensed counselor of their choice and we will babysit the grandkids while they're having therapy.  To solve some of their issues I'd like to hire them a weekly cleaner so my daughter-in-law doesn't feel like she's going it alone with chores.  My husband absolutely won't agree to that.  It's sad because we're usually in sync and enjoy spending time together, but lately we're arguing about how to help with their situation.  It doesn't feel right to just take the money from our account without both of us agreeing.  It would hurt him terribly if I did that.  I just pray they'll agree to get counseling soon!


CountryMom, I'm sorry to hear that you both went through that!  Some spouses are just not worth it!  I wish it hadn't happened to you both, but it's oddly comforting to know another person made it through okay and that you also felt it was important to step in and help. Your daughter is lucky to have such a strong support system!



Empty Nest Moms

Re: When their marriage is falling apart
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2018, 06:25:39 PM »

Offline Katy

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Re: When their marriage is falling apart
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2018, 04:12:00 AM »
I am so sorry to hear about your son's relationship. Do you think he would be willing to work on it? Maybe you could suggest they go see a couples counselor together the next time he brings it up?

My daughter is married and expecting her first child. She has a pretty good relationship, but as with any relationship, hers has had its bumps. When she asks for my advice, I'll give it to her, but I also remind her that she needs to take responsibility for whatever her part is in the problem. Relationships involve two people, and they each play a role in it.

Offline Indiana

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Re: When their marriage is falling apart
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2019, 06:10:36 AM »
So he is lazy and she is spoiled. That's rough. I would say counseling on this one.


And the next time you babysit, do it on one condition: That he takes her out and spoils her just a little.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: When their marriage is falling apart
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2019, 06:10:36 AM »

 

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