Hi everyone. I'm so glad I found this forum. I'm up late, unable to sleep, thinking about the road that lies ahead of me without any of my children at home. I suppose I should start by giving you a little background information.
I'm 59 years old. I have 5 children and 3 (soon to be 4) grandchildren. The age gap between the oldest and youngest is 14 years, so that's why I describe it as a "gradual" empty nest in the title of my post. When my oldest left home for university (quite a long time ago now) I was quite anxious at first but had my other 4 children to sort of distract me from worrying about her too much. As the years went by, watching my children leave home one by one, I began to dread the day that my youngest would go on his own way.
That day came last month. Prior to completely moving out he was living at home half of the time and close to his university the rest of the time. I thought I was prepared for him to move out, but its hit me a lot harder than I anticipated. He's now several hours away and isn't the type to call and chat. I constantly wonder if he's doing ok; handling his finances properly, eating healthy, being safe in general. He's 22 years old and very responsible so logically I know my worries are unfounded but I can't seem to stop the stream of thoughts running through my head. I would be totally embarrassed if he knew I felt this way so I just keep it to myself and try to think about other things.
Visits with my grandchildren (who thankfully live close-by) help me cope with the negative thoughts. They have become the light of my life and I'm delighted every time they come to see me. The only problem is, when they leave, I feel the pangs of emptiness even more sharply and the incessant worrying fires right back up. I feel like a shadow of my former self right now. My hope is that by talking to others in a similar situation I can get the support I need to move past the negativity building up inside me.
Thanks for reading my words. It helps to talk to people who understand how I'm feeling.