Empty Nest Moms AND Dads! > Your Life After the Nest has Emptied: How is it?

Should Adult Children Follow Rules?

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Quiet Abode:
My husband and I have had nothing but friction with our college-aged son this past holiday visit with him.  The issue is that his girlfriend is from another state, and in order for them to stick together during the holidays, he wishes to share a room with her in our home.  Otherwise, she'll go home to her own family and they won't be able to see each other.  Unfortunately for him, the family rules have always been that unmarried couples are not allowed to sleep in the same house, let alone the same room together.  My husband and I like the girlfriend just fine, but we've never allowed this type of situation.  I can't imagine that her parents would be okay with it either.  What do you think?  Are we too old fashioned?  We've offered separate accommodations.  She can visit for a week over Christmas and we'll pay for the hotel.  She also has the option to stay for the entire month long break, so long as she stays with either our daughter or my mom while my son stays with us or vice versa.

cherie:
They need to stick with the rules at all times. I have just been reading your post and wondering what I would do in such circumstances because it would make me angry if a child didn't understand a family tradition. On the flip side, it is normal for teenagers to want to make rational decisions, all in the name of love. The harsh reality is that the girlfriend he is head over heels with, could end up being someone else's wife in future.

I hope you get him to understand that all you are trying to do is nurture him into a future husband who will look back and be proud of the decisions he made as a young man.

Katy:
It's incredibly kind of you to pay for a hotel for her or to allow her to stay with another one of your relatives! I understand that times change, but if this has always been your rule, your son should understand and respect that. I think the alternatives you've proposed are quite reasonable, and I hope that your son and his girlfriend can see how accommodating you're being so that they can spend time together over their break.

Quiet Abode:
I guess I'm glad to hear that I'm not overreaching with him, but I have a feeling the friction will continue right on through the break.  That is if he comes here at all instead of going to his girlfriend's house.  Though, I still don't think the girl's parents will be okay with our son staying with their daughter either so there is that.   


Is the rule itself okay?  Do you all think it's too old fashioned that my family doesn't allow unmarried couples to stay together in our homes?

Layla:
I agree with the others. Your son should definitely be respecting and following your rules. You have gone out of your way to make accommodations for his girlfriend, and I would have hoped they would have appreciated that.

The rule of unmarried couples not staying together may be a little old-fashioned, but honestly, I think it instills good values into your son. Sometimes good old-fashioned traditions stick around for good reason!

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