Empty Nest Moms AND Dads! > The Grieving Room

Words We Shouldn't Say

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MomOfTwo:
I had a conversation with my friend last weekend, while we were staying in their house. We talked about the things that we shouldn't say to a grieving person such as "God has a plan for your loved one", "I know how you feel", or "you can get over it as time pass on". These words will hurt more instead of consoling the person that is grieving.

Guineagirl:

--- Quote from: MomOfTwo on October 18, 2018, 09:09:43 PM ---I had a conversation with my friend last weekend, while we were staying in their house. We talked about the things that we shouldn't say to a grieving person such as "God has a plan for your loved one", "I know how you feel", or "you can get over it as time pass on". These words will hurt more instead of consoling the person that is grieving.

--- End quote ---


So true MonOfTwo also minimalising by comparing your situation to theirs.  My Mam was in a care home for ten months when she sadly died, she was on morphine from the Wednesday until Tuesday, sat with her all the time.  The days she died the cleaner said to me ‘it’s life’ I considered it to be the most disgusting thing anyone has said to me ever and I told her so.  My Mam died an hour later. Listening to someone is far better if you have nothing good to say isn’t it x

MomOfTwo:

--- Quote from: Guineagirl on October 20, 2018, 05:40:57 AM ---Listening to someone is far better if you have nothing good to say isn’t it x

--- End quote ---


Exactly. People think they can console or appease others by saying whatever they want. Being quiet, to me, is the best way to console me if ever I will be grieving for somebody.


I'm sorry to hear about your mother.  :big hug smiley sign:

Guineagirl:

--- Quote from: MomOfTwo on October 20, 2018, 09:00:24 PM ---
--- Quote from: Guineagirl on October 20, 2018, 05:40:57 AM ---Listening to someone is far better if you have nothing good to say isn’t it x

--- End quote ---


Exactly. People think they can console or appease others by saying whatever they want. Being quiet, to me, is the best way to console me if ever I will be grieving for somebody.


I'm sorry to hear about your mother.  :big hug smiley sign:

--- End quote ---


You’re right.  I think by listening and not saying anything even just giving a hug means we’ve digested everything they’ve said and what they said was important and we leave them to have the last word x.

MomOfTwo:
We are on the same page Guineagirl. What I don't understand is why people don't understand this matter. What we say or what we don't say to people who are lonely can affect them whether they will be encouraged or not.

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