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Author Topic: First son doesn't visit me  (Read 337 times)

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Offline Joann

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First son doesn't visit me
« on: August 19, 2018, 01:20:58 AM »
Hey everyone. I didn't want to post this, because it is a very painful topic but I need some advice. I have a grown son from my first marriage and the contact between us has never been great but about a few months ago he completely stopped visiting me. He will call me every once a while but when he is in town, he visit my ex husband but never me. My ex husband lives in the city and I live a few towns over, so I always tell myself it's probably a hassle for my son to make the 2 hour drive to come see me, but it has started to bother me. Should I be more forward perhaps?

Offline MaryB

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2018, 07:05:56 PM »
Hi Joann..   I lost my son for years and thru it all I learned to NOT let the door close.  I mean dont sit back and wait for your son to notice or change, you see the problem,  talk to him about it, offering to meet him in the middle or something.  You see him pulling away towards his dad more, and that is because your x is doing a lot more talking (the squeaky wheel gets the grease)
Good luck to you.   :big hug smiley sign:

Offline cherie

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2018, 03:27:42 PM »
Sorry for the loss of your son MaryB. I agree with you in saying that at times, a parent is required to initiate this kind of conversation, so as to know what could have caused this. Joann, my greatest hope is that your son will go back to what he used to be, soon enough!

Offline MaryB

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2018, 04:39:44 PM »
Thanks cherie.  My son is back, but so so different.  I would hope Joann does not go thru what I have been thru.  I would hope she is able to keep in contact.


Offline Joann

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2018, 05:20:54 AM »
Thanks for your help and advice, ladies, it really means a lot. I know I should have some patience and now feel bitter, because that's what I feel right now. I will try and speak to him about it and just ask him when he is going to come visit me or if I should come visit him. He knows that I have trouble walking long distances so me visiting him (he lives out of state) is probably not the best idea.

Offline MaryB

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2018, 07:48:09 AM »
Good luck, Joann...   we all pulling for you!   :big hug smiley sign:

Offline EllieM

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #6 on: October 12, 2018, 06:23:50 AM »
I wonder if this is a thing that boys do? My son is 35 and he also rarely visits or calls. My daughter and I stay in touch much more. It's a shame because when he still lived around here we had a very good relationship, but somehow when he got married and moved away it's been downhill. It's not that it's bad, but also not getting any better.

Offline Bewitched

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #7 on: October 12, 2018, 02:16:41 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear this, Joann! It breaks my heart. Are you on friendly terms with your ex-husband? If so, you could always ask him if it'd be alright for you to come visit when your son is in the city with him. I know that it can be uncomfortable to invite yourself but it sounds like the discomfort could be worth it. If you're not on friendly terms with him, maybe you could ask your son if you could come up to spend an afternoon with him while he's in the city?

Offline Layla

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #8 on: October 23, 2018, 05:50:11 AM »
I'm so sorry to hear about the problems with your son. I agree with the others - I think it is time for you to take initiative. Maybe the next time he's in the city, offer to meet him somewhere halfway between where you live and where the city is. If he refuses to do that, talk to him, and ask him what is going on, what is upsetting him.

You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I truly hope that you can work things out.

Offline MaryB

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2019, 05:36:44 PM »
I heard that a lot, that it's boys..   Maybe that's so but it doesnt make it any easier to accept.  :dunno:

Offline mkendrick

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2019, 02:31:15 PM »
Does your son stay the night when he used to come over?  I ask because I do understand how a two hour drive can seem like a hassle if it involves a round trip on the same day.  Perhaps you could encourage him to come over if you planned an event you two could attend together.  I know that coming up with creative ideas to spend time together as my son grew up was very challenging for me as I am not very athletic anymore. I found that going to a hockey game when his favourite team was in town was something I could still do so we made it a bit of a tradition. Now I certainly can't afford to take him out to every game, but sometimes we spend the afternoon and evening watching it on television.  What hobbies is your son into?  Can you find a way to share them with him?

Offline MaryB

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2019, 03:25:00 PM »
Hi  :039:  mkendrick, and welcome to the forum!   I'm so glad you joined us, and you have many good suggestions.. 
I look forward to getting to know you!   :big hug smiley sign:

Offline mkendrick

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #12 on: February 10, 2019, 10:32:41 AM »
Thanks MaryB! I have been really enjoying my time on this forum. It's a great place to share challenges I am facing and get great advice on what to do next. I aim to be as helpful as I can by sharing my experiences. My friends and I don't discuss this kind of thing so it has been invaluable for me to be here.

Offline MaryB

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Re: First son doesn't visit me
« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2019, 02:42:02 PM »
I am the same way, mkendrick, my friends dont know 1/2 of what you guys do.  It's easier to share personal things with people that dont live by you.  You all know more about me than almost any of my friends or family.
This is  a great forum because everyone is in the same boat and we all lean on each other.  I'm so glad you found us!  You are family now!   :13:

 

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