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Author Topic: Child moving to another country  (Read 3187 times)

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Offline NewmieB64

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Child moving to another country
« on: October 06, 2018, 08:17:27 AM »
I am new here & not quite sure how to do this but am trying something new. Hoping it helps. My son, who is my only child is moving to Vietnam in 6 days. This all came about very suddenly. He just graduated from college & came back home to live with me in May. All was going well until 2 months ago when he told me he was going to teach in VN. I was so not prepared for this & was hoping he would change his mind. But that isn't going to happen & I am struggling. I cry daily...in secret for the most part. I don't want to ruin this for him. I have an SO. We live together & he has 3 grown children & he has been there done that but he really can't relate. My son is and always will be my world. The fact that I won't see him for a year or more is killing me. I just need help managing the intense sadness. It feels like a death. I am curious to know if there are any others with this type of empty nest situation. And I am so hoping to get advice as to how to get through this. Thank you


Offline Elizabeth

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2018, 12:32:53 PM »
Hi NewmieB64, welcome to the forum. Oh my sounds like a hard place to be in and sure feel for you! I can understand not wanting to put a damper on his choice but it must be really hard to hold back your feelings in front of him.


Can you ask him if he will have computer access or cellphone in the area he will be in? Maybe you could do some Skype or texting, emailing etc. I know it wouldn't be the same but at least you would have contact.


As for me, I wouldn't have a problem letting him know (not so much to make him feel guilty) how much you will miss him and would like to be able to have some kind of contact during that time. He's got to know you will want to be touch.


I'm not sure but seems we had/have another member or two that has a child move out of the country or very very far away. Hopefully they will see this and pop in.


Take care and hang in there. You can come here anytime you feel the need to 'talk', we've all been through something or other and needed some support so don't be shy.


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Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2018, 01:29:13 PM »
I am new here & not quite sure how to do this but am trying something new. Hoping it helps. My son, who is my only child is moving to Vietnam in 6 days. This all came about very suddenly. He just graduated from college & came back home to live with me in May. All was going well until 2 months ago when he told me he was going to teach in VN. I was so not prepared for this & was hoping he would change his mind. But that isn't going to happen & I am struggling. I cry daily...in secret for the most part. I don't want to ruin this for him. I have an SO. We live together & he has 3 grown children & he has been there done that but he really can't relate. My son is and always will be my world. The fact that I won't see him for a year or more is killing me. I just need help managing the intense sadness. It feels like a death. I am curious to know if there are any others with this type of empty nest situation. And I am so hoping to get advice as to how to get through this. Thank you


Hi Newmie,


Just wanted to welcome you here and other posters will come along with better advice, I aren’t thinking clearly myself at the moment.  One thing I have learned is to ask if you can skype and text, I learnt that it’s best to say you miss them as well,  I was worried about putting guilt on my daughter but worded in the correct way and because your son knows you and knows you want him to be happy won’t take it the wrong way.  To know you are missed means a lot.  It feels like a death as we have to grief the situation.  I have an old child, a daughter, so like you she was and is my world, I never would imagine she would live hours away from me.   You sound like a great parent whom your son will miss I’m sure.

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2018, 01:30:28 PM »
Sorry an only child not an old child  :039:

Offline David

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2018, 04:31:24 PM »
Welcome to the forum, NewmieB54!  My only child just left for college, which I know isn't the same since she's in the United States still, but I have a friend whose kid teaches English overseas and he has flourished.  He spent two years in Vietnam and loved it.  Now, he's in China and he likes it there too.  My understanding is that expats stick together and really help one another out.  English speaking teachers are treated well by the community too. 


As for dealing with the intense sadness, well that's tough.  My wife is working towards making new friends.  All of her old ones revolved around our daughter's activities.  Can you try doing something new or meeting new people?  You can always come here anytime to chat.  Goodness knows we all get where you're coming from.   :smileyholdingflower:

Offline Moonlight

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2018, 09:48:56 AM »
I am new here & not quite sure how to do this but am trying something new. Hoping it helps. My son, who is my only child is moving to Vietnam in 6 days. This all came about very suddenly. He just graduated from college & came back home to live with me in May. All was going well until 2 months ago when he told me he was going to teach in VN. I was so not prepared for this & was hoping he would change his mind. But that isn't going to happen & I am struggling. I cry daily...in secret for the most part. I don't want to ruin this for him. I have an SO. We live together & he has 3 grown children & he has been there done that but he really can't relate. My son is and always will be my world. The fact that I won't see him for a year or more is killing me. I just need help managing the intense sadness. It feels like a death. I am curious to know if there are any others with this type of empty nest situation. And I am so hoping to get advice as to how to get through this. Thank you
Hi there. I worried a lot when the children went overseas for a short vacation, so I could somehow relate to your post. Do you know how long he has to teach there? Does he have any plan on returning? I understand that you don't want to get in his way, but I think it is okay to let him know how hard this is for you. That way you two may be able to find a solution, such as visiting you every few months.
Some things can only heal with time. Try to distract yourself as much as possible by doing your hobbies. We are here if you need someone to talk. I can't promise complete understanding, but I can at least listen.
 :big hug smiley sign:

Offline cherie

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2018, 02:44:52 PM »
This is nothing easy for both of you and the truth is that as much as your son may not feel it now, feelings of loneliness and home sickness, may set in over time. Now that he seems to have made up his mind, you can have a talk with him and express how you feel. He may help you get through this by promising to keep in touch more frequently, that is if he doesn't change his mind.

Offline mkendrick

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #7 on: February 10, 2019, 10:25:17 AM »
Welcome to the forum NewmieB64!  I was new just a few days ago and have been enjoying communicating about things with other parents who have been through similar situations and can give great advice.


None of my kids went overseas for work but they did move across the country. I know it's not exactly the same so I will try to put myself in your shoes.  The first thing that comes to mind is, "Is this his passion?" It might be a small comfort, but I can tell from your post that you love your son very much and I'm sure you would want to see him as happy as possible. If this isn't his passion but is just the first job that came around, you could encourage him to think of the time there as a stepping stone and continue to apply for more local work as he builds his resume with the current job. If it is his passion I would imagine he would have mentioned it in the past and given you some time to prepare for it. I think how sudden the news came is probably the hardest part.


I really pray you find the strength and clarity to endure this change in your life. I think you should at least talk with your son about how you are feeling. He might surprise you and share with you that he already feels a bit guilty about leaving so suddenly and you can arrange how you'll stay in contact while he is away. You can even play a short trip back home within a reasonable amount of time so he can get his feet wet and come back to share his experiences with you.

Offline Vanessa

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #8 on: May 12, 2019, 06:12:49 AM »
I'm not in the same situation because I do get to see my child over the year even though she moved to another country, but I have to admit it was hard and I felt like I was losing her. What helped me tremendously is that I know how much better it is for her. When I finally do see her, I see a young, strong woman, and when she was leaving she was still a little girl. When I hear about how she's doing what she's always wanted to do in her life, I'm happy for her even though it's hard for me.

Offline Olive

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2019, 01:14:13 AM »
It is not easy, but it will get easier. The hardest part is saying goodbye at the airport. I believe we can contact our friends and relatives abroad through the internet so long as your son has an internet connection where he will be going. I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask your son whether there will be an internet connection in the workplace he is going so you can schedule your time with your son.

Offline EllieM

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2019, 02:49:32 AM »
I cannot imagine how much this must hurt. My children don't live close to me but they are able to visit every so often. My daughter was looking into taking on a teaching job in Asia last year and just thinking about it made my heart hurt. But on the other hand I want the best for them and to have life-changing experiences.

Offline nvgt16

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #11 on: September 22, 2019, 10:55:13 AM »
I totally understand how you feel. My daughter moved to Spain in 2013 to teach and also because she met her, now husband who is from Spain. I haven't celebrated a single holiday with her since 2012. They were married last year in Spain so I was able to go to that and they came over this summer to see my new house in Florida. It was hard to see her leave but it's part of life. I'm actually planning on getting a newer home by February. Now the 2 of them moved to France for his job. She just started her first official full time teaching job so I know she's busy but it would be so awesome to hear from her more than once a month. It's not easy but she's happy...I used to be concerned that she was 2 hours away from home when she was in college!?

 

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