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Author Topic: Child moving to another country  (Read 103 times)

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Offline NewmieB64

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Child moving to another country
« on: October 06, 2018, 08:17:27 AM »
I am new here & not quite sure how to do this but am trying something new. Hoping it helps. My son, who is my only child is moving to Vietnam in 6 days. This all came about very suddenly. He just graduated from college & came back home to live with me in May. All was going well until 2 months ago when he told me he was going to teach in VN. I was so not prepared for this & was hoping he would change his mind. But that isn't going to happen & I am struggling. I cry daily...in secret for the most part. I don't want to ruin this for him. I have an SO. We live together & he has 3 grown children & he has been there done that but he really can't relate. My son is and always will be my world. The fact that I won't see him for a year or more is killing me. I just need help managing the intense sadness. It feels like a death. I am curious to know if there are any others with this type of empty nest situation. And I am so hoping to get advice as to how to get through this. Thank you


Offline Elizabeth

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #1 on: October 06, 2018, 12:32:53 PM »
Hi NewmieB64, welcome to the forum. Oh my sounds like a hard place to be in and sure feel for you! I can understand not wanting to put a damper on his choice but it must be really hard to hold back your feelings in front of him.


Can you ask him if he will have computer access or cellphone in the area he will be in? Maybe you could do some Skype or texting, emailing etc. I know it wouldn't be the same but at least you would have contact.


As for me, I wouldn't have a problem letting him know (not so much to make him feel guilty) how much you will miss him and would like to be able to have some kind of contact during that time. He's got to know you will want to be touch.


I'm not sure but seems we had/have another member or two that has a child move out of the country or very very far away. Hopefully they will see this and pop in.


Take care and hang in there. You can come here anytime you feel the need to 'talk', we've all been through something or other and needed some support so don't be shy.


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Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #2 on: October 06, 2018, 01:29:13 PM »
I am new here & not quite sure how to do this but am trying something new. Hoping it helps. My son, who is my only child is moving to Vietnam in 6 days. This all came about very suddenly. He just graduated from college & came back home to live with me in May. All was going well until 2 months ago when he told me he was going to teach in VN. I was so not prepared for this & was hoping he would change his mind. But that isn't going to happen & I am struggling. I cry daily...in secret for the most part. I don't want to ruin this for him. I have an SO. We live together & he has 3 grown children & he has been there done that but he really can't relate. My son is and always will be my world. The fact that I won't see him for a year or more is killing me. I just need help managing the intense sadness. It feels like a death. I am curious to know if there are any others with this type of empty nest situation. And I am so hoping to get advice as to how to get through this. Thank you


Hi Newmie,


Just wanted to welcome you here and other posters will come along with better advice, I arenít thinking clearly myself at the moment.  One thing I have learned is to ask if you can skype and text, I learnt that itís best to say you miss them as well,  I was worried about putting guilt on my daughter but worded in the correct way and because your son knows you and knows you want him to be happy wonít take it the wrong way.  To know you are missed means a lot.  It feels like a death as we have to grief the situation.  I have an old child, a daughter, so like you she was and is my world, I never would imagine she would live hours away from me.   You sound like a great parent whom your son will miss Iím sure.

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #3 on: October 06, 2018, 01:30:28 PM »
Sorry an only child not an old child  :039:

Offline David

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #4 on: October 06, 2018, 04:31:24 PM »
Welcome to the forum, NewmieB54!  My only child just left for college, which I know isn't the same since she's in the United States still, but I have a friend whose kid teaches English overseas and he has flourished.  He spent two years in Vietnam and loved it.  Now, he's in China and he likes it there too.  My understanding is that expats stick together and really help one another out.  English speaking teachers are treated well by the community too. 


As for dealing with the intense sadness, well that's tough.  My wife is working towards making new friends.  All of her old ones revolved around our daughter's activities.  Can you try doing something new or meeting new people?  You can always come here anytime to chat.  Goodness knows we all get where you're coming from.   :smileyholdingflower:

Offline Moonlight

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2018, 09:48:56 AM »
I am new here & not quite sure how to do this but am trying something new. Hoping it helps. My son, who is my only child is moving to Vietnam in 6 days. This all came about very suddenly. He just graduated from college & came back home to live with me in May. All was going well until 2 months ago when he told me he was going to teach in VN. I was so not prepared for this & was hoping he would change his mind. But that isn't going to happen & I am struggling. I cry daily...in secret for the most part. I don't want to ruin this for him. I have an SO. We live together & he has 3 grown children & he has been there done that but he really can't relate. My son is and always will be my world. The fact that I won't see him for a year or more is killing me. I just need help managing the intense sadness. It feels like a death. I am curious to know if there are any others with this type of empty nest situation. And I am so hoping to get advice as to how to get through this. Thank you
Hi there. I worried a lot when the children went overseas for a short vacation, so I could somehow relate to your post. Do you know how long he has to teach there? Does he have any plan on returning? I understand that you don't want to get in his way, but I think it is okay to let him know how hard this is for you. That way you two may be able to find a solution, such as visiting you every few months.
Some things can only heal with time. Try to distract yourself as much as possible by doing your hobbies. We are here if you need someone to talk. I can't promise complete understanding, but I can at least listen.
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Offline cherie

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Re: Child moving to another country
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2018, 02:44:52 PM »
This is nothing easy for both of you and the truth is that as much as your son may not feel it now, feelings of loneliness and home sickness, may set in over time. Now that he seems to have made up his mind, you can have a talk with him and express how you feel. He may help you get through this by promising to keep in touch more frequently, that is if he doesn't change his mind.

 

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