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Author Topic: Husband might be retiring  (Read 371 times)

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Offline Bewitched

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Husband might be retiring
« on: September 22, 2018, 11:58:18 PM »
My husband has been thinking a lot about retiring lately. While I love the idea of having him home more often, I'm also sort of apprehensive about it. I know that's probably bad to say, but I've grown accustomed to having the days to myself. I worry that it might bug me to have him around all the time, no matter how much I love him. Have any of you dealt with this before? What was your experience like?

Empty Nest Moms

Husband might be retiring
« on: September 22, 2018, 11:58:18 PM »

Offline cherie

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2018, 02:55:13 AM »
Well, even though I havenít experienced such a feeling before, this may actually be the best opportunity to do things together and get a helping hand. What are his plans after retirement? Being employed makes people get used to doing something all the time.

Offline Moonlight

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2018, 10:58:56 AM »
Well, even though I havenít experienced such a feeling before, this may actually be the best opportunity to do things together and get a helping hand. What are his plans after retirement? Being employed makes people get used to doing something all the time.
I agree. Sometimes it will be a stressful period because you suddenly have nothing to do and lack some private time. Arguments are inevitable. Both of you need time to adjust, so I hope two can talk openly when things get too stressful. What does your husband think about this?

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #2 on: September 24, 2018, 10:58:56 AM »

Offline FeelingBetter

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #3 on: September 24, 2018, 05:52:01 PM »
We have some friends that have retired. They seem to be doing fine but then they both have their own 'interests' so I don't think they get underfoot all the time. Seems to be the best thing to do. I would think when you are suddenly 'together' all day long every day it  could get a bit unnerving. So best I could say is to make sure you both have things to do on  your own. Pick and choose what  you like to do together. It can work out but you may have to work at it.

Offline Katy

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2018, 04:36:56 AM »
I agree with the others - retirement is quite an adjustment because you're used to doing something all the time. Suddenly, you have your days free and you don't know what to do with yourself. Does your husband have any plans for his days? Can you two do some things together that you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time/opportunity to?

Hang in there. The adjustment might be rough, but you'll make it through.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #4 on: September 25, 2018, 04:36:56 AM »

Offline cherie

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #5 on: September 26, 2018, 02:25:56 PM »
It is perfectly alright to have mixed feelings but the point here is that the time taken to adapt (definitely) varies from one person to the other. It would be great if both of you agreed on a common activity in the course of his retirement, to help in bonding further.

Offline Bewitched

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #6 on: September 26, 2018, 10:58:39 PM »

Thank you for all of the advice and support!

@Cherie, we have some things planned to do together, like attempting to remodel our house, but I don't know how much of an extra hand I really need outside of that. I have a lot less going on responsibility-wise now that the kids are grown. I say that now, but I'm sure that I would be able to find a way to put him to work if he was home.  ;D  He doesn't really have any plans outside of our plans to travel. He says he just wants to golf and relax. I think you're right though. He'll enjoy the life of leisure for a bit but then I'm sure he'll be itching to get to work on something. I'll have to try and think of some projects for him/us.

@Moonlight, I've only jokingly brought up concerns about my private time so far. Once things get more definite, I'll have an honest conversation with him. Thankfully, he's always been very good about addressing my needs. The only problem is that he loves to bottle things up and pretend things don't bother him until they reach the breaking point. That's something we might finally have a chance to work on.

@FeelingBetter, thankfully, we do have our own interests. He doesn't have quite as many as I do simply because he doesn't have as much time as myself. Thank you for the advice! I'll have to make sure that we have some "us" activities included in the individual ones.

@Katy, we have some plans for things we've always wanted to do but haven't had the time. Most of his plans are things that we can do together. While I am looking forward to getting to spend time with him and strengthen our bond, he doesn't seem to have any real plans for himself. I guess that's part of the appeal of retirement though, isn't it? That you don't have to know what you're going to do all the time?




Offline txzookeeper

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2018, 05:27:18 PM »
I'm right there with you in worrying because my husband is planning on retiring next year.  It would be fine except he has NO interests other than being on the computer or his iPad or watching television.  He will never leave the house unless he decides he needs to shop with me and shopping with him is like shopping with a toddler.  I turn around and bump into him because he's right on my heels like I'm going to lose him!  I will no longer have any time at home alone.  He has always worked a lot, which I complained about when the kids were young, but I gave up complaining when it did no good.  As they got older, he worked even more, mostly so he didn't have to deal with kids, I think.  I finally got used to him never being here and I like having my space.  I'm afraid I will be losing all that.  I understand him wanting to retire and I don't have a problem with that but I really need for him to find some interests.  I've tried getting him involved in different things and he refuses.  Anything I've bought for him to try as a hobby, he turns his nose up at.  He doesn't want to do anything but sit, surf the internet and doze.  That's so unhealthy but he doesn't seem to care.  I have a feeling my blood pressure will be rising next year.   

Offline EllieM

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #8 on: November 08, 2018, 08:21:35 AM »
I think it is important to find your own hobbies and circle of friends if you have them. It is never healthy to be home all day, let alone have your partner there all day, every day. Make sure to talk to him and set some "boundaries". You have to set time apart to do your own thing without feeling guilty about it.

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #9 on: November 08, 2018, 11:00:06 AM »
I'm right there with you in worrying because my husband is planning on retiring next year.  It would be fine except he has NO interests other than being on the computer or his iPad or watching television.  He will never leave the house unless he decides he needs to shop with me and shopping with him is like shopping with a toddler.  I turn around and bump into him because he's right on my heels like I'm going to lose him!  I will no longer have any time at home alone.  He has always worked a lot, which I complained about when the kids were young, but I gave up complaining when it did no good.  As they got older, he worked even more, mostly so he didn't have to deal with kids, I think.  I finally got used to him never being here and I like having my space.  I'm afraid I will be losing all that.  I understand him wanting to retire and I don't have a problem with that but I really need for him to find some interests.  I've tried getting him involved in different things and he refuses.  Anything I've bought for him to try as a hobby, he turns his nose up at.  He doesn't want to do anything but sit, surf the internet and doze.  That's so unhealthy but he doesn't seem to care.  I have a feeling my blood pressure will be rising next year.


One thing I hate supermarket shopping as well.  I used to go on my own and for some reason he comes now, I hate it.  I also dread him retiring x

Offline kismetique

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #10 on: December 16, 2018, 08:42:00 PM »
This has happened to me!  Hubby went out on a medical disability and retired since he couldn't return to work.  I miss my alone time desperately!  LOL We bought several rent houses around us and that keeps him a little busy lining up the work since he can no longer do it himself.


Fights have ensued and I remind him,  I'm not invading his world,  he is invading mine! If I weren't so busy with the rentals and my elderly mom,  I'd go back to work!  JK..Not really!


Once life settles down after the holidays and I've recently been advised to place my mom in assisted living,  I'm looking forward to maybe taking a trip or two and a cruise. 


We neither have individual friends or a group of friends.  And no outside interests either... so we sleep in of a morning, hang out, discuss the rental issues,  play a game together on our phones,  watch TV shows and argue over whose turn it is to let the dog out!  We are looking forward to our first grand child in January,  but I don't expect that will impact us a great deal as I've already made sure my son knows I'm no babysitter!


It's a huge adjustment,  but all in all,  I'm happy to have him home and LOVE watching TV till all hours and sleeping late! We haven't been able to do that since we were first married!


Enjoy him and do the little things that are nice like cheaper matinee's and lunch out.  Lunch is way less crowded and the service is better.  Go late afternoon and get their dinner specials!  It's fun.. almost like you are cheating the system because you can! !  Hahaha

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2018, 02:00:18 PM »
Hi kismetique, good to see you popping in. :111:  Sounds like you are handling everything pretty good once you got 'adjusted. Good for you.


Sorry to hear about your mom, I know that must be hard on you.


You must be very excited about that first grandchild and know you will enjoy him/her. Don't have much longer to wait either!


Hope  you and your family have a great Christmas and thanks for updating us.


 :merrychristmassanta:

Offline Shirley1965

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #12 on: December 17, 2018, 05:27:06 PM »
Well kismetique I think you pretty hit it right on. My husband retired not to long ago also and it took a bit of adjustment but we have finally gotten a routine down where we can both have our 'alone' time! I was just to use to that and didn't want to lose it. He picked up some hobbies that keep him busy and I have my things. We do spend some time doing things together and are having fun. So all in all things are much better.


So hang in there ladies. It can be fun but don't be shy about setting some 'guidelines' so that you both can enjoy the 'retirement years'.  :111: :111:

Offline Indiana

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #13 on: February 07, 2019, 06:19:46 AM »
And one of those guidelines should be that he needs to put those golf clubs you bought him to use at least 3 days a week.  :13:


But seriously, I would ease my way into it by way of gradually spending more time with him. You don't want start by spending every waking moment together. Ease your way into it.

Offline mkendrick

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Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2019, 02:11:26 AM »
It is interesting to read this from the other perspective. When I retired I had similar concerns but somewhat opposite. I was actually a bit worried my wife would sweep me up into her routine. It made sense to me at the time because the daytime hours at home was her domain and I was already getting antsy about what I would even do with my time other than oversleep. From reading what you've all written above, I can see that my fears were unfounded.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Husband might be retiring
« Reply #14 on: February 14, 2019, 02:11:26 AM »

 

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