Dealing with insecurities

[Bewitched]

I've always had issues with insecurity and it seems to be getting worse with age. How do you all deal with insecurities and self-doubt? Do you read self-help books? Do you have a mantra? Do you just try to ignore your inner critic? Do you have inspirational quotes taped on your mirror?

[David]

When I'm getting down on myself, I tell myself - "STOP!"  Believe it or not, it immediately stops the process. It takes a while for it work, so hang in there until it's second nature.  Saying positive things about others helped me too as did looking at things from a more realistic viewpoint.  I don't contemplate whether Paul is a better worker than me.  I don't sit around cataloging my wife's faults.  Odds are, they aren't doing that to me either.  I hope you find something that works for you!

[Moonlight]

That's a great tip, David. I'm most insecure about myself and the mistakes I do. I can think of something minor for days. I usually try to distract myself, thinking about the next thing to cook or a new plant for the small garden in front of the house. At least that cuts off the spiral of negativity so I can approach the topic in a better state of mind.

[Bewitched]

That's great advice, David!

I've tried to tell myself to stop but I don't know if I ever do it with enough gusto. It's definitely not an all-caps "STOP!" but more of a Willy Wonka "stop." Only recently have I made a sincere effort to try to think of others in a positive way, to find something to compliment about everyone. I also try and tell them if given the opportunity. It's helped a lot but it's all still a work in process.

I wonder what it is about human nature that has us try and compare and contrast everyone and everything, including ourselves. Does it all go back to our primitive mentality for survival and/or mating? Is it something that the media and consumerism have prompted?

@Moonlight, I can think of something minor for days too! Sometimes I'll get random flashbacks of conversations I've had years ago where I felt like I said something lame. Sad, right? Distraction can be a great technique!

[Katy]

I also try to compliment those in my life - I look for their strengths and remind them about them. I think it's important to lift others up in today's world.

I do believe the media fosters comparison, competition, and dissatisfaction and insecurity with ourselves. I had to stop reading women's magazines because they are always featuring articles on how you can be better, do things better, etc. I'm all for self-improvement, and I try to grow as a person everyday. However, I don't like the attitude the media takes. It's almost as if we are not good enough just the way we are. I believe we need to accept ourselves no matter where we are at this point in time - know that we are doing the best we can, and that's okay.

[Guineagirl]

I've always had issues with insecurity and it seems to be getting worse with age. How do you all deal with insecurities and self-doubt? Do you read self-help books? Do you have a mantra? Do you just try to ignore your inner critic? Do you have inspirational quotes taped on your mirror?

Me too, as I age I’ve got worse but I think that’s because we go through some sad, hard times compared to being younger.  My confidence and self esteem is at an all time low if I’m honest and do get sick of hiding it.  Also, I have developed social anxiety.  Nothing seems to work, sorry if that’s a grim reply.  The only thing that works for me is my favourite coffee shop and being on my cycle x

[Bewitched]

Katy, it really is important to lift up others. It's good for them and good for you. It's a win-win.

I agree, I think the media is at least partially to blame. You're right about the articles featuring things about how you can be better. I'd be all about it if it was phrased in a way that aims for self-improvement, not encouraging you to aspire to be someone else (usually whoever is on the cover or some other "it" woman). You know, the headlines are usually things like, "Get [Beautiful Celebrity's Name]'s Abs," instead of, "Great Ab Exercises." You know what I mean?

GuineaGirl, it's always nice to know you're not alone, but I'm sorry that you deal with this as well. I'm also sorry to hear that your self-esteem is at an all-time low. I've dealt with (and am still dealing with) social anxiety too. I know it's easier said than done, but forcing myself to put myself out there has helped. I also try to remember that most people aren't thinking about me, they're thinking about themselves. My husband has this, "If they don't like me, I don't care," attitude and I so wish I could adopt that. I try to tell myself that over and over, hoping that one day it will become true. It's helped a little bit.