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Author Topic: She's not coming home for fall break  (Read 1624 times)

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Offline David

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She's not coming home for fall break
« on: September 13, 2018, 01:50:40 AM »
My daughter just started her freshman year in college.  She's living in the dorms, likes her classes, and everything seems to be going well. As a matter of fact, she likes it so much that she's decided to stay there during her fall break, which is a four day "weekend" in October.  Well, I'm glad she's settling in but we haven't seen her since August and we won't see her again until Thanksgiving if she doesn't come for fall break.  Her mother and I were really looking forward to this time with her.  I guess it just feels like a huge let down.  Did your children ever choose to go elsewhere instead of visiting you during breaks?  How did you handle it?  I feel like her decision is unusual.  I'm not the best at expressing my emotions, but it's hurtful.


I hope I've posted this in the right place.



Empty Nest Moms

She's not coming home for fall break
« on: September 13, 2018, 01:50:40 AM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #1 on: September 13, 2018, 09:06:56 PM »
Aww David,  I'm sorry.  I know this pain well, when my son would not come home for any of the holidays, and was just at his girlfriend's parents!   :(   
I am probably far off but my first knee jerk reaction was ...  is there a boy she is interested in? 

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2018, 07:16:20 AM »
My daughter just started her freshman year in college.  She's living in the dorms, likes her classes, and everything seems to be going well. As a matter of fact, she likes it so much that she's decided to stay there during her fall break, which is a four day "weekend" in October.  Well, I'm glad she's settling in but we haven't seen her since August and we won't see her again until Thanksgiving if she doesn't come for fall break.  Her mother and I were really looking forward to this time with her.  I guess it just feels like a huge let down.  Did your children ever choose to go elsewhere instead of visiting you during breaks?  How did you handle it?  I feel like her decision is unusual.  I'm not the best at expressing my emotions, but it's hurtful.


I hope I've posted this in the right place.


I just wanted to add my two Penneth and say I’m sorry.  You must of been looking forward so much to it.  Just wondering if a lot aren’t going home either and so has been invited to any activities or things going on.  I would feel upset too.  Maybe she thinks you aren’t upset, I don’t mean that you aren’t, what us parents tend to do is hide how we feel so as to not put guilt on them and it backfires some times.  It’s hard this empty nest I wish we could keep them forever xxx

Empty Nest Moms

Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2018, 07:16:20 AM »

Offline Katy

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Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #3 on: September 16, 2018, 03:00:19 AM »
I'm sorry your feelings are hurt, David. I can relate. My daughter decided to go on a trip with her friends during Spring break a couple of years when she was in college. I always looked forward to our time together, and, I, too, was hurt that she decided to go somewhere else. It's all part of our kids becoming independent, but it doesn't make it any less tough or painful for us.

Would your daughter be open to a visit from you?  If you don't live too far from where she goes to college, maybe you can go have lunch or dinner with her on her break sometime. Hang in there!

Offline David

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Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #4 on: September 16, 2018, 05:31:04 PM »
Aww David,  I'm sorry.  I know this pain well, when my son would not come home for any of the holidays, and was just at his girlfriend's parents!   :(   
I am probably far off but my first knee jerk reaction was ...  is there a boy she is interested in?
Not from what I can tell...from actively spying on her Facebook account.  I figure it's perfectly normal to spy.   :dunno:


Any boy could come here and visit.  They wouldn't be allowed to stay together, but we'd pay for his hotel room.  Now I'm worrying about a whole new set of issues I never contemplated.  Are chastity belts still not a thing?  Maybe we parents could come together and try to popularize them again.


My daughter says she doesn't want to leave her roommate alone who leaves too far away for a quick trip home.  However, we offered to host both of them here.  We might be coming off as too needy, but we have our own lives, and the kiddo just moved out.  We need a minute to adapt.  You know?

Offline MaryB

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Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2018, 05:45:08 PM »
haha David,  my husband always said we didnt have problems till our son got involved with a girl, that we should have had him neutered and things would have been fine..   only we can see the humor in that sad situation...  :dunno:
I can tell you from experience, the only things you are seeing on fb is what she lets you see.  We need to really have a way of them not knowing it's us to REALLY see what they are posting. 


Empty Nest Moms

Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #5 on: September 16, 2018, 05:45:08 PM »

Offline David

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Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2018, 09:48:50 AM »
Well, right now we still have her password.  At the time she made the account, we were worried about her online safety.  We might have been too strict really.  We didn't allow internet use outside of the living room in plain view and she had a dumb phone that didn't connect to the internet.  That probably sounds like too many rules, but at the time, girls were going missing left and right from meeting up with people they'd met on the internet.   She hasn't changed her Facebook password yet.  Then again, maybe my girl is clever enough to make another account now that she's in college and just not tell us.  I hope not.  Mary B., thank you so much for "listening" to me.  I feel like such a whiner, when I wasn't like that before. 


I think we've reached a compromise on the visiting thing, thanks to Katy's advice.   My wife and I are driving up there and taking our kid and her roommate out to eat and to the movies.  Then we'll come home.  It's a decent plan since it lets us see her before Thanksgiving. 


I really appreciate everyone letting me vent on here and for offering suggestions!

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2018, 10:07:34 AM »
Well, right now we still have her password.  At the time she made the account, we were worried about her online safety.  We might have been too strict really.  We didn't allow internet use outside of the living room in plain view and she had a dumb phone that didn't connect to the internet.  That probably sounds like too many rules, but at the time, girls were going missing left and right from meeting up with people they'd met on the internet.   She hasn't changed her Facebook password yet.  Then again, maybe my girl is clever enough to make another account now that she's in college and just not tell us.  I hope not.  Mary B., thank you so much for "listening" to me.  I feel like such a whiner, when I wasn't like that before. 


I think we've reached a compromise on the visiting thing, thanks to Katy's advice.   My wife and I are driving up there and taking our kid and her roommate out to eat and to the movies.  Then we'll come home.  It's a decent plan since it lets us see her before Thanksgiving. 


I really appreciate everyone letting me vent on here and for offering suggestions!


 :13:  She’ll see Mum Dad = fun things.

Offline MaryB

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Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2018, 01:44:40 PM »
Well, right now we still have her password.  At the time she made the account, we were worried about her online safety.  We might have been too strict really.  We didn't allow internet use outside of the living room in plain view and she had a dumb phone that didn't connect to the internet.  That probably sounds like too many rules, but at the time, girls were going missing left and right from meeting up with people they'd met on the internet.   She hasn't changed her Facebook password yet.  Then again, maybe my girl is clever enough to make another account now that she's in college and just not tell us.  I hope not.  Mary B., thank you so much for "listening" to me.  I feel like such a whiner, when I wasn't like that before. 


I think we've reached a compromise on the visiting thing, thanks to Katy's advice.   My wife and I are driving up there and taking our kid and her roommate out to eat and to the movies.  Then we'll come home.  It's a decent plan since it lets us see her before Thanksgiving. 


I really appreciate everyone letting me vent on here and for offering suggestions!


David,  you talk all you want..  we lean on each other. Thank God we are not all down at one time, but as it is when one is down another lifts them up, and vise versa.. 
I think it's great to go out and visit your daughter and her friend AND that you have her password!!! Wooohoooo  I would love to see my son's FB...  oh I would. 


Empty Nest Moms

Re: She's not coming home for fall break
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2018, 01:44:40 PM »

 

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