Did you always notice when the kids became distant?

[cherie]

When they left for college then later on to start work, it was easy to notice those days in which a child would go quiet for a while. I learned that this was a normal process in adapting to the new environment(s). I would hardly be settled if they didn't pick my calls or respond to my texts; calling them continuously didn't help, either.

Letting them be at times worked and over time, my husband and I realized that silence did not necessarily mean that they did not want to talk to us, after all. Did you always notice it when they became distant or it (at times) hit you that it had been a while since you last spoke?

[Yosita]

We can call them if we miss them, but not when they are busy. My daughter was mad at me for calling her in the middle of her class presentation. We can ask them their schedules so we won't be disturbing them when they are doing something.

[MaryB]

A lot of kids start pulling away at around 14, when they'd rather talk to their friends instead of us.  If we could just get that thru to the young moms it may help when the kids do break away, but you cant tell them anything.  I met a woman at Walmart the other day, of all places,  and she was counting the days till her 12 year old and 14 year old would be off school for the holidays!  I thought oh boy she is in for a whole world of hurt!  We talked a bit and I told her to take my number that she may want to talk to me one day.  She said oh no, her kids and here were tight..   
My son about killed me and I wasnt even that stuck on him!   I wish she'd took my number

[ava]

Hey Yosita, I always love to make impromptu calls because we agreed that the best approach would be to switch off the phone when the schedule is tight. It has been ok for us, thus far. MaryB, it is true that kids start pulling away at that age and most parents struggle to understand what that is all about.

[Yosita]

most parents struggle to understand what that is all about.

Or maybe we understand too much that we don't want our children to make the mistakes we did in our adolescent years. We've been there and may have done those silly things that we don't want our children to get hurt from those silly things. This can be the cause for our over-protectiveness. I'm speaking for myself here.

[littleone]

As parents, I think we can naturally tell when our children drift away from us. (I feel like it's especially harder with boys, but maybe that's just me.) I'm worried that college would make it even worse, but I guess we just have to find the new balance. We are learning about how to hold back and wait for the right time, and maybe we always will.

[EllieM]

At first I was more aware of it because I was still getting used to having no one to take care of anymore and the first few weeks they would call me a lot to take care of some things but overtime they started figuring life out by themselves and they wouldn't need us as much. It helped seeing them and hearing about what they do in their day to day life, realizing that they are busy and that's okay!

[4am coffee]

I most certainly noticed when it happened. It was kind of hard for me at first, but I realized that she needed to become her own person.