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Author Topic: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us  (Read 201 times)

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Offline Katy

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Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« on: August 13, 2018, 05:54:09 AM »
We recently found out that my mother is in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease.  She is still able to care for herself right now, but my husband and I are thinking about going ahead and having her move in with us.  She has agreed that moving in with us is a good idea because she doesn't want to go to a nursing home.  In the later stages of the disease, she won't be able to live alone anymore.


I'm really quite nervous about her moving in with us because she is very critical.  I feel like nothing I do is quite right.  I love her so much and want to take care of her.  I just need to figure out a way to not let her criticisms get to me.


Do you all have any tips for helping us all adjust to her move?  I want everything to go as smoothly as possible for everyone involved.

Empty Nest Moms

Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« on: August 13, 2018, 05:54:09 AM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #1 on: August 13, 2018, 12:04:46 PM »
Boundaries.  God bless you for what you are doing but you will need to hold your boundaries from the beginning,  not sweating the small stuff, of course.  Just remember what ever happens is temporal and that your mom needs to feel like an adult and not that she has lost all of her freedom.  That's a tightrope.    Good luck to you (hugs)

Online Jeanine

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2018, 12:45:23 PM »
That is a tough one Katy but I think Mary's post is pretty much right on. I believe this is something we all fear as we get older. Losing your independents is a tough one. Just try to remember to take care of yourself also and don't wear yourself out both physically and emotionally.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #2 on: August 13, 2018, 12:45:23 PM »

Offline Katy

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2018, 03:38:08 AM »
Yes, we want my mom to have as much independence as she can have for as long as she can.  We were afraid that putting her into assisted living or a nursing home would take away too much of her independence.  She is going to lose her independence due to the disease someday, so we want her to enjoy it as long as she possible can. 

This is going to be a long and tough journey, I know.  I don't think we can ever fully prepare for it, but we will do our best.

Offline MomOfTwo

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2018, 09:06:21 AM »
When things like this happen, then I think of the time when my mother took care of me when I was still a baby. She gave all her love and care in taking care of me so now I will also do the same to take care of her as much as I can. Kudos to you for deciding to move your mother with you.

Offline Katy

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2018, 03:17:46 AM »
That is a wonderful perspective, MomOfTwo. I feel like it is my duty to give my mother the same love and care she showed me as a child. She gave up a lot to raise me and my sister, and I appreciate all that she's done. I will take care of her here at home for as long as we feasibly can.

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #5 on: August 30, 2018, 03:17:46 AM »

Offline MomOfTwo

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #6 on: September 02, 2018, 10:05:15 PM »
I would like to show my respect and appreciation to your husband. It is not easy for in-laws to go along, especially with parents-in-law. I had a struggle with my own mother-in-law because she always thought that she knew better than me.

Offline Yosita

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #7 on: September 03, 2018, 09:20:44 PM »
How is your mother now Katy? Taking care of our mothers is not the same as nurses or caregivers taking of our moms. We have an emotional and physical bond that will make it harder for us to see our mothers like that.

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #8 on: September 14, 2018, 07:26:02 AM »
We recently found out that my mother is in the early stages of Alzheimer's disease.  She is still able to care for herself right now, but my husband and I are thinking about going ahead and having her move in with us.  She has agreed that moving in with us is a good idea because she doesn't want to go to a nursing home.  In the later stages of the disease, she won't be able to live alone anymore.


I'm really quite nervous about her moving in with us because she is very critical.  I feel like nothing I do is quite right.  I love her so much and want to take care of her.  I just need to figure out a way to not let her criticisms get to me.


Do you all have any tips for helping us all adjust to her move?  I want everything to go as smoothly as possible for everyone involved.


How is your Mam Katy?  Will she have her own granny type flat in your home?  I know it will be very hard for you especially as the disease progresses, I wonder if you would be able to have carers to help at this point.  My Mam had dementia and she couldn’t remember who I was she thought I was her sister.  I had to place her in a care home and how I wished my home was big enough for her and that I could of have her live with me.  I still battle with that guilt.  She died two years ago not of dementia but bladder cancer.  At the end we got very close. I would cherish your Mum as the feeling you will get that you did all and everything you could will feel wonderful.  We only get one Mam and I’m glad I cared for mine by helping her so much xx

Offline MaryB

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #9 on: September 14, 2018, 08:49:43 AM »
Guineagirl,   :big hug smiley sign:   

Offline Katy

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #10 on: September 16, 2018, 03:30:16 AM »
Oh Guineagirl, ::hugs::  I am so sorry you and your mom went through all of that. I'm sorry your home wasn't large enough for you to care for her there. It is such a wonderful blessing that you and your mom got close before she passed away. That's something you can always hold dear. <3

My mom is still in the early stages of the disease, so she is only forgetting little things right now, like where she put her keys, people's birthdays, appointments, etc. We have her house on the market for sale and will move her in as soon as it sells.

Offline David

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Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2018, 09:11:29 AM »
Katy, it's much harder to cease responsibility once you've taken it on.  It's very difficult to get them out of your home too.  Consider how it will affect your marriage and family.  Siblings and other relatives might say they'll help, but unless it's in writing, don't expect much.  The further along the stages go the worse the behavior might change to where violence might become an issue.  This could last for years and years too.   What about all the lifting and bathing that will eventually come into it?  Can you work out how she might pay you to be her caregiver?  Would your siblings agree to that?


My grandmother lived with us for fifteen years.  It wrecked havoc on my parent's marriage and caused a lot of resentment in the family.  What doctor's don't tell you is that nursing homes and assisted living places fill up quickly.  If your elderly person is in your home, the doctor will declare them "safe" and you'll likely be stuck.  I believe in helping my family, but there has to be a stopping point. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Moving My Mother with Alzheimer's in With Us
« Reply #11 on: September 23, 2018, 09:11:29 AM »

 

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