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Author Topic: My married son never calls...  (Read 141 times)

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Offline Gerri

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My married son never calls...
« on: August 09, 2018, 08:19:27 AM »
My dear son got married to his high school sweetheart about a year ago. When he first moved out, he moved out to live with her. He would call me two or three times a week. I know she has told him he shouldn't be such a "mommy's boy" and the past months he's stopped calling me. I'm usually the one calling him, and that's maybe twice a month. If I don't call him, he won't call and we won't speak for a month. He visits about every 2 months, and when they are here it's always a great time, but I'd like to keep in touch through the phone or Skype. Does anyone have this problem, or am I being too difficult?

Offline MaryB

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Re: My married son never calls...
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2018, 10:26:01 AM »
I dont know that I have anything decent to say but no one else has said anything.  I know the past years of estrangement when my son was with his girlfriend (then wife),  I got so sick of hearing a son is a son till he takes a wife but a daughter is a daughter all of her life..   people came out of the woodwork to say boys are like that.  To me it all falls on if the wife/girlfriend either calls him a momma's boy (like mine and your's) or if she promotes good strong family values. 
Good luck with that.
I say keep contact like you are, which is not to much in my opinion.   I hope things get better for you.

Offline Gerri

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Re: My married son never calls...
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2018, 11:26:40 AM »
Thank you, it is really difficult at the moment. I really try to let go, but it is hard and I feel like I am starting to hold a grudge against my daughter-in-law, which is never good. She's great but I know (he has told me) that she doesn't love that he was a mommy's boy. Letting go is hard!

Offline Joann

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Re: My married son never calls...
« Reply #3 on: August 12, 2018, 06:24:41 AM »
I can imagine it is so hard, especially when they live far away, you would like to keep in touch with them more. My children live close by so I see them once a week and so we don't have to stay in touch through phone calls as much. Maybe try talking to them if you see them again? I don't know if that may come across as desperate. I think letting go is the most difficult part of an empty nest!

Offline kismetique

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Re: My married son never calls...
« Reply #4 on: August 12, 2018, 01:48:18 PM »
Sometimes, I think the breakdown is perception.  I had an interesting conversation with my son a couple of months ago.  He too is not great in the communication department.  I finally just stopped wanting it and moved on.  When I hear, I'm happy and respond, but I don't wish it anymore and my life is better for that.


I love love love his wife and I think she loves us too.  My son was a momma's boy to some degree.  We were really close, but he definitely didn't lean on me or need me. We talked almost daily before they got close.  So it was very hard when he threw me over for her.  But, if he were going to, I can't think of anyone I would want to have taken my place but her.


We were talking a couple of months ago one afternoon...it was just a chatty convo and I asked if he had ever thought of moving out of state in order to better his career and earning potential.  He looked aghast at me and said - you would WANT me to move away?  I said, no of course not, but I am aware that growing and maturing and bettering yourself sometimes means relocating.  His answer almost made me fall off my chair!  NO!  There is no way I could move away from you and dad.  Ya'll need me!  I tried best I could to contain my snicker....but I had no idea that this man, who used to be my little boy, and NEVER communicates with me, felt that way!


I think he thinks he communicates a LOT.  Once every other month is a LOT to him.  So....I just keep in touch with his wife.  If I call, I never ask for him, I speak to her about what's going on in their life.  If they don't answer, I don't leave a message, I don't ask for a return call - I wouldn't get it even if I told them I'd pay them! I treat her like my daughter and him like my son-in-law.  That seems to work very well for us.  I know she enjoys the attention and free lunches and occasional shopping spree - that I would prefer were with my son - but in order to stay in touch, I lavish on her.  Hey....it works!


I think some of these boys (men) THINK they communicate a LOT!  Silly little boys!

Offline Gerri

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Re: My married son never calls...
« Reply #5 on: August 13, 2018, 10:58:50 AM »
How wonderful that you had this conversation with your boy and also that you love your daughter in law! That's the perfect position to be in! Maybe I should talk to him, but it's difficult, because I know I am part of the problem by not being able to let go. But who knows there might be a surprisingly positive outcome, like what happened with you!

Offline Jeanine

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Re: My married son never calls...
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2018, 12:48:44 PM »
Thanks for your post kismetique and for stopping in. Good to hear from you again!  :039:  I also think you have a good attitude about it all and are probably right on. Most guys just don't think about something like that. It is also good that you have a great relationship with your DIL.


Stop back in anytime!

 

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