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Author Topic: How long does it take  (Read 76 times)

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Offline David

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How long does it take
« on: August 01, 2018, 10:47:41 AM »
to settle in and begin to enjoy this newfound freedom?  I would feel so much better if I had a time frame.  Something like, "David, you and your wife will be sad for a few months, but then you'll stop worrying so much and will begin to enjoy having your home to yourselves." 


We took our daughter to college yesterday, unloaded all of her stuff, helped her get settled in, then left her there.  She was rushing us out the door too. It looked like she and her roommate will become fast friends, which is good, but my wife and I miss her terribly. My wife cried the entire way home and it's all we can do to refrain from calling our daughter several times a day.   It feels like there's been a death.   :'(

Empty Nest Moms

How long does it take
« on: August 01, 2018, 10:47:41 AM »

Offline Quiet Abode

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Re: How long does it take
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2018, 02:02:16 PM »
 :grouphugsign:
I know it hurts, David.  It really does feel like there's been a death.  How long it hurts is different for each person, but for me, I felt happy with my empty nest about a month after my last child left.  My two kids remained nearby. which probably helped, and I struggled later on when my son returned for the summer then left again. It gets easier with time.  Here's a thought.  Why not take this time to focus on yourselves?  You can go on inexpensive date nights and learn all about each other again.  Could be fun.

Offline Elizabeth

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Re: How long does it take
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2018, 03:50:17 PM »
Well as quiet adobe says, it's different for everyone. Just be patient and keep busy and you'll get through it! Might be little steps at a  time but you'll get there.  :tinypinkflowers:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: How long does it take
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2018, 03:50:17 PM »

Offline David

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Re: How long does it take
« Reply #3 on: August 02, 2018, 08:07:02 PM »

Thank you Quiet Abode and Elizabeth for listening to me whine.  I'm usually much tougher.  I have to brag - I didn't cry while hugging her goodbye.  I made it all the way out to the truck first.

I've been reading the posts on another section of this forum called "A 'Different' Kind of Empty Nest."  It has put things in perspective!  My heart goes out to all those other parents. Reading there has shown me how things can be hard for others, I mean really hard, and I truthfully have it easy.  There are worse things than sending your daughter off to college.

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: How long does it take
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2018, 07:59:34 AM »
I missed the thread David, I hadnít realised your daughter went to college now.  It feels like a death because it is a loss and I feel we have to grieve the loss as well.   There maybe are worse things than your daughter going to college but I think there is only so much of this mindful thinking, thinking that way we can do and itís happening to us and we need support, so I try not to minimise whatís happened.  Your daughter will miss you definately, will she be back for the holidays?  I think some of us are better with change than others and also our personality plays a part in healing and if we get support or not.  I didnít get support nor did I when Mam died so I went for counselling and since being on here realise no wonder I feel so much sadness. 

Offline David

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Re: How long does it take
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2018, 01:41:46 PM »

Does chatting here on the forum help you, @Guineagirl?  I sure hope so.  You all have been a big help to me and you, in particular, have been tremendously comforting.  It does feel silly to mope about when I read how other members have children who have passed away, or are estranged from them, or suffer from terrible addictions.  It changed my outlook somewhat.  I miss my daughter and it hurts that she's not here, but I'm thankful too.  We have many tomorrows to look forward to as a family.  She's coming home for fall break in October and we're counting down the days!  I'm trying to keep busy, but my mind comes back to her several times a day.  I worry that she hasn't slept enough, hasn't been eating right, hasn't made friends, has made too many friends, isn't studying enough, is studying too much - it's madness.

I'm sorry about your mother and that you didn't receive the support you needed.  Good on you for seeking out counseling.  I always thought women were encouraged to talk about their feelings, but I guess that was false. Everyone needs a soft spot to land among those who get it. That's why I signed up here.  I'm not the best at putting my emotions into words, so I hope that makes sense. 

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: How long does it take
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2018, 02:14:18 PM »
 :039:  I bet youíre counting the days till she comes for the break.  I have to admit I have a hidden calendar and I mark when my daughter is coming and we visit on it itís not out as I would hate her seeing it and making myself look needy.  When she visits you could have planned a great day out or something, like you say great things to look forward to.  It has helped reading threads on here as these are from people who are feeling the same thing rather than someone just agreeing with you who canít really relate to the situation.  The worrying what they are doing is because you care so much David.  I donít like burdening people I guess so keep things in. Your daughter must be very confident you should be proud of that after all itís your parenting that has go her that far, she will realise but everything is an adventure at the moment. X

Empty Nest Moms

Re: How long does it take
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2018, 02:14:18 PM »

Offline haidyl

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Re: How long does it take
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2018, 12:22:10 PM »
She was rushing us out the door too. It looked like she and her roommate will become fast friends, which is good, but my wife and I miss her terribly.
I really relate to what you just said because the emptiness that we feel when our children leave to go and start a new phase of their lives, can really be overwhelming. However, I find this part where your daughter rushes you out of the door to be really interesting. The time it takes does vary depending on how fast you all accept and adapt to the circumstances.                                           

Offline MaryB

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Re: How long does it take
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2018, 03:55:29 PM »
Whew!   David!  Whew!   What a thread!  This is a great thread, in my opinion.  I think it takes as long as it takes for you and mom to get use to this new part of life.  Once that sets in, that our children are not little anymore and will never be, that this is their time now,  it will make the hurt ease up.  Acceptance comes  some peace.  If you live for the day you see her again, it will crush you each time she leaves again.  I am so sorry for being the voice of gloom, but I do see that accepting the changes in my son's life has helped me,  not that I like it at all!  Oh David, it will get better.. you have a lot of fun things to look forward to, like grands...   :big hug smiley sign:

Empty Nest Moms

Re: How long does it take
« Reply #8 on: August 12, 2018, 03:55:29 PM »

 

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