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Author Topic: To tell or not? That is the big question!  (Read 2295 times)

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Offline EnjoyingLife

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To tell or not? That is the big question!
« on: July 11, 2018, 05:27:45 PM »
Wasn't sure where to put this or to even ask it but thought...why not?


My husband and I have some long time friends (not super close but have hung out with at times) and recently just found out (no doubt about it) that his wife is, errr, fooling around on him. I know it is usually the other way around but not this time. It has certainly dimmed my friendship with her and do feel for him as I don't think he has a clue.


So far we have kept our mouths shut and feel that it isn't our business to tell him. I've also heard that it usually ends up with that person being mad at you in the long run. Sooooo, what would any of you do? I really wish we had never found out!

Empty Nest Moms

To tell or not? That is the big question!
« on: July 11, 2018, 05:27:45 PM »

Offline Quiet Abode

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2018, 10:25:16 AM »
Hello, EnjoyingLife.  You're both in a sticky situation for sure.  I hate to say it, but in my experience telling never ends well.  The adultery will say you're lying or you saw someone similar to her and misjudged.  The wounded partner will resent being told the truth about his spouse.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.  Having said that, when I've caught someone cheating I've always told because it seems like the ethical thing to do.  I mean, what about sexually transmitted diseases?  Most  married couples don't use protection, is her dalliance putting her husband at risk?


Oh, and I know several women who have run around on their husbands.  I think it's easier for women to get away with it because no one expects the woman to cheat.  It's sad not to honor your marriage vows.

Offline MomOfTwo

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2018, 01:12:59 AM »
It is hard indeed, but all we can do is encourage the husband, for this case, to do what makes the wife happy so that the wife will get her senses that what she is doing is harming the relationship. I agree that when we tell about what is happening that it will not just tear the heart of the husband, but it might also tear your relationship with him.

Offline Krista

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2018, 04:51:11 AM »
Wow, what an incredible dilemma!  If I were married (again) and a friend of mine knew my spouse was cheating, I'd want that friend to tell me, even though it would break my heart. 

He may get angry about the news, and he may direct that anger toward you instead of at his wife, but I think you should tell him.  I agree with @Quiet Abode - if the couple isn't using protection, the wife is putting your friend at risk for STDs, and that's just not fair to him. 

I'm sorry you're in such a predicament. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2018, 04:51:11 AM »

Offline Elizabeth

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2018, 03:45:27 PM »
Wow that is a bad situation to be in! Personally I don't think I would say anything but be there for him if/when he finds out. He may already have a clue but just doesn't want to face it yet, never know. Let us know how it comes out (if it does) and hang in there I know it can't be fun knowing something like this and not knowing exactly what to do.

Offline EnjoyingLife

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #5 on: August 02, 2018, 02:00:52 PM »
I think you may be right Elizabeth as to him maybe already knowing or at least suspect that something is up. We've seen him a couple times lately and he seemed  more quiet than usual. We have decided not to say anything though. I think this is something that needs to be between the two of them when and if it 'hits the fan' so to speak. It is a sad situation though.

Offline Gerri

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2018, 10:54:57 AM »
I've been in this position unfortunately. Well, not exactly, in my case it was that I found out my good friend's husband was fooling around on her. I wasted no time to tell her, because she's my friend. I never cared for him too much. But I do think that if it was a couple that I had befriended, I'd still tell, because who wants to feel guilty? She's in the wrong, so she should come clean, else I'd have a very hard time staying in touch. Now you risk losing both of them as a friend...

Empty Nest Moms

Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2018, 10:54:57 AM »

Offline EnjoyingLife

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #7 on: May 02, 2019, 06:58:24 AM »
Hi everyone! Oh my it has been awhile since I was last here so trying to catch up on all the post I missed. Guess I could update you all on this one. He talked to us for a bit a month or two after I last posted this and said that he found out she was 'fooling' around and they are now separated and I believe a divorce is in process.


He mentioned it was hard at first but he is slowly adjusting to everything and trying to move on with his life.


It was sad but sometimes these things happen.


Hope everyone here has been doing ok? I see lots of new members since I was here last!  :039:

Offline Elizabeth

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2019, 02:08:19 PM »
Thanks for that update EnjoyingLife. Yes, it is sad when marriages end this way but it sounds like he is getting his life back together again.

Offline CountryMom

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2019, 03:53:49 PM »
I'm so glad this situation has been resolved. Just to chime in with my opinion on the subject, I wholeheartedly believe that if you are aware someone is cheating on their significant other you should tell them. My ex-husband cheated on me and some of my friends were aware. No one told me, I had to figure it out by myself. Needless to say, I am not friends with those women any longer.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #9 on: May 04, 2019, 03:53:49 PM »

 

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