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Author Topic: To tell or not? That is the big question!  (Read 48 times)

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Offline EnjoyingLife

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To tell or not? That is the big question!
« on: July 11, 2018, 05:27:45 PM »
Wasn't sure where to put this or to even ask it but thought...why not?


My husband and I have some long time friends (not super close but have hung out with at times) and recently just found out (no doubt about it) that his wife is, errr, fooling around on him. I know it is usually the other way around but not this time. It has certainly dimmed my friendship with her and do feel for him as I don't think he has a clue.


So far we have kept our mouths shut and feel that it isn't our business to tell him. I've also heard that it usually ends up with that person being mad at you in the long run. Sooooo, what would any of you do? I really wish we had never found out!

Empty Nest Moms

To tell or not? That is the big question!
« on: July 11, 2018, 05:27:45 PM »

Offline Quiet Abode

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2018, 10:25:16 AM »
Hello, EnjoyingLife.  You're both in a sticky situation for sure.  I hate to say it, but in my experience telling never ends well.  The adultery will say you're lying or you saw someone similar to her and misjudged.  The wounded partner will resent being told the truth about his spouse.  Sometimes ignorance is bliss.  Having said that, when I've caught someone cheating I've always told because it seems like the ethical thing to do.  I mean, what about sexually transmitted diseases?  Most  married couples don't use protection, is her dalliance putting her husband at risk?


Oh, and I know several women who have run around on their husbands.  I think it's easier for women to get away with it because no one expects the woman to cheat.  It's sad not to honor your marriage vows.

Offline MomOfTwo

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #2 on: Yesterday at 01:12:59 AM »
It is hard indeed, but all we can do is encourage the husband, for this case, to do what makes the wife happy so that the wife will get her senses that what she is doing is harming the relationship. I agree that when we tell about what is happening that it will not just tear the heart of the husband, but it might also tear your relationship with him.

Offline Krista

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Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #3 on: Yesterday at 04:51:11 AM »
Wow, what an incredible dilemma!  If I were married (again) and a friend of mine knew my spouse was cheating, I'd want that friend to tell me, even though it would break my heart. 

He may get angry about the news, and he may direct that anger toward you instead of at his wife, but I think you should tell him.  I agree with @Quiet Abode - if the couple isn't using protection, the wife is putting your friend at risk for STDs, and that's just not fair to him. 

I'm sorry you're in such a predicament. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: To tell or not? That is the big question!
« Reply #3 on: Yesterday at 04:51:11 AM »

 

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