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Author Topic: My Daughter is in an Abusive Relationship  (Read 232 times)

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Offline Marie

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My Daughter is in an Abusive Relationship
« on: July 10, 2018, 04:31:57 AM »
My daughter met a boy in college this past year.  I have had the opportunity to meet him a couple of times, and I don't like him.  Some of the things he says to my daughter are very disrespectful.  He has even called her names in my presence.  While she says he has never hit her, the way he talks to her is abusive, and I'm very concerned about it. 


I don't know what to do.  I want to express my concerns to her, but I don't want to push her away or for her to become angry with me.  I also don't want to see her being treated this way. 


Have any of you faced a similar situation?  What did you do?

Offline Henley

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Re: My Daughter is in an Abusive Relationship
« Reply #1 on: July 16, 2018, 03:29:34 AM »
I'm so sorry to hear this, Marie. I haven't been in this situation myself, but I remember dating a handful of guys that were bad news. Unfortunately, when my parents directly confronted me about it, I withdrew from them. That's not to say your daughter will do the same. We're all different. But if she thinks she's in love with him, then it's a precarious situation.

Did you say anything when her boyfriend called her names in front of you? I think, if it were me, I would probably try to make that an opening. It could be the wrong move, but maybe try calling him out when something happens around you. It might embarrass her or make her angry, but it plants a seed that his behavior is inappropriate.

Now I'm imagining all of the ways that could go wrong but, unfortunately, I don't think there's anything you can do that would guarantee a positive outcome. Are you very close with your daughter? Has she opened up to you about him or her relationship?

Offline Marie

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Re: My Daughter is in an Abusive Relationship
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2018, 03:26:12 AM »
We talk about once a week right now.  She doesn't talk too much about her love life with me, but maybe I can just start by asking her some general questions about her boyfriend to get to know him better.  I just want her to be happy, and I want whoever she is with to respect her and treat her well, the way she deserves.

I can see all kinds of ways this could go wrong, but I don't think I can stand idly by, either.  The next time he comes over, I will say something if he calls her names in our presence.  My daughter may get upset, but if I don't say something, she might think this kind of behavior is okay when it definitely is not.

Thank you for your suggestions, @Henley!  I really appreciate it.

Offline Henley

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Re: My Daughter is in an Abusive Relationship
« Reply #3 on: July 28, 2018, 01:47:14 AM »
That's all we want for our children! Asking some general questions about him sounds like a good way to go. She will probably appreciate that you are trying to get to know more about him while you might find out more about the nature of their relationship.

Sometimes we have to make unpopular decisions as parents. I think that's the right call though. The way that kids talk to one another these days can be really disrespectful. She might sadly assume that his behavior is normal.

No problem! Keep us posted. I'll be praying for you all.

Offline Gerri

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Re: My Daughter is in an Abusive Relationship
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2018, 09:24:18 AM »
I have in fact faced a similar situation. The way I handled it is that I never brought up the topic of abuse because I know that it is difficult for people who are stuck to admit that they are being abused, whether that's physically or emotionally. Just keep on being there for her, let her know she can always talk to you about anything and everything. So when things do go wrong, she knows that she can always turn to you for help.

 

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