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Author Topic: When an adult child can't move on  (Read 143 times)

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Offline ava

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When an adult child can't move on
« on: June 25, 2018, 02:27:18 PM »
We probably agree that we face our own challenges as empty nesters, but nothing is as disheartening as when your child shows up one day at your doorstep with all sorts of justifications as to why they would need to return. Have you ever had to deal with such a child before? Transition is never an easy thing for both parent and child, right?

Empty Nest Moms

When an adult child can't move on
« on: June 25, 2018, 02:27:18 PM »

Offline Treasure

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Re: When an adult child can't move on
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2018, 10:08:42 PM »
It can be disheartening for sure. My son did this after college and I thought he was just trying to justify reasons to stay at home too. The reasons he gave me sounded like excuses at the time. My husband and I agreed that he could stay but he wouldn't be allowed to get too comfortable.

His stay was conditional; he had to be actively looking for jobs, do chores around the house, help with meals, perfect his resume, etc. For many reasons, he also wasn't allowed to have girls over to spend the night. He really didn't seem to like that! He eventually found a great job and has moved out of the house.

Sometimes, we might feel downtrodden when our children need to come back home but that really isn't atypical these days. It's hard to know if they are there for the right reasons but I feel like having rules in place will help you figure that out sooner rather than later.

Offline Krista

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Re: When an adult child can't move on
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2018, 07:03:06 AM »
Change is difficult for everyone. 

I have agreed to allow my daughter to move back in with me temporarily because she's having a hard time finding a job that allows her to be self-sufficient.  She is very responsible, and I have no doubt that she will find a great job.  I will check in with her every so often to see how her search is going, but she is very motivated to find a good job and live on her own. 

As long as our kids don't get too comfortable living at home again, I think a temporary stay at home is a good idea in some cases. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: When an adult child can't move on
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2018, 07:03:06 AM »

Offline ava

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Re: When an adult child can't move on
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2018, 01:38:03 AM »
Wow, thank you for your responses. I quite agree that taking them back is fine, only that we have to enforce some rules so as not to make them too comfortable. It is quite competitive out there and so a child cannot just relax and expect everything to come easy.

Offline Treasure

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Re: When an adult child can't move on
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2018, 01:39:14 AM »
Wow, thank you for your responses. I quite agree that taking them back is fine, only that we have to enforce some rules so as not to make them too comfortable. It is quite competitive out there and so a child cannot just relax and expect everything to come easy.

It really is competitive out there! We're in desperate need of more jobs in this country, that's for sure. The job market is a lot different than it was when I was their age. Another thing that's different for this generation is that they're so used to instant gratification. It's important to make sure that they know things aren't supposed to be handed to them, you know? So I think you're absolutely right that it's important to teach them that things don't come easy, no matter how qualified they might be.

Offline cherie

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Re: When an adult child can't move on
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2018, 12:21:15 PM »
Change is difficult for everyone. 


I have agreed to allow my daughter to move back in with me temporarily because she's having a hard time finding a job that allows her to be self-sufficient.  She is very responsible, and I have no doubt that she will find a great job.  I will check in with her every so often to see how her search is going, but she is very motivated to find a good job and live on her own. 

As long as our kids don't get too comfortable living at home again, I think a temporary stay at home is a good idea in some cases.
You have the sweetest daughter Krista and I am almost certain that things will get better for her. As Treasure says, it is quite competitive out here and so at times, things do not move as fast as we would want them to. I wouldn't mind granting a stay to any of my children that desired to come back. Motivation and hardwork are traits that we all want to see in our kids, right?


Empty Nest Moms

Re: When an adult child can't move on
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2018, 12:21:15 PM »

 

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