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Author Topic: Still sad  (Read 793 times)

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Offline Guineagirl

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Still sad
« on: June 25, 2018, 06:03:43 AM »
 :039: :sign0144:  Hi,


I found here by chance googling.  Hope people are friendly.  Iíve had empty nest now for two years four months, I have on child.  At the same time two weeks after empty nest my Mam who I cared for for two years died of bladder cancer, I was with her at her death.  I miss her terribly still and still cry about missing her, I donít think I will ever stop missing her.  That and my child moving three hours away with their job.  Then two guineas passing away.  Itís all been so hard.  I hear from my daughter a lot, she texts, rings and Skypes.  She visits a lot and we do her and have wonderful trips out and treat her to meals out.  My Mam never hugged me so I always make a point of hugging her and giving her a kiss. I still miss her though.  I have told her I miss her but I never burden her and she knows I know she has a life.  She is in a triangle of thought, missing us, going where the work is and living away, she has found it hard so we visit a lot and help her as much as we can.  I think Iíve developed a fear of death and keep thinking whatís now, just getting older.  How do others deal with this.  When we do things I feel so guilty my daughter isnít with us and that we are trying to live our lives almost without her now.  So hard though.  I donít think I was the best mother in the world so look back critically at been too busy or too impatient and never at the good points of me raising her.  Sorry to rant Iíve never discussed this with anyone other than a counsellor last year but it didnít help x

Empty Nest Moms

Still sad
« on: June 25, 2018, 06:03:43 AM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #1 on: June 25, 2018, 02:52:27 PM »
Oh Guineagirl,  you are in the right place!   :big hug smiley sign:   I can feel the pain in your post and my heart goes out to you.  I think you were a great mom or you would not be so unselfish now! That shows how you love your child and want what's best for her.  I am so glad to hear she does include you in her life, but I understand it is hard none the less. This is a new chapter in your book,  and it's hard letting go of the past.  We all face this.  To bad someone didnt tell us when we were young moms, that they would leave us.  I guess we knew but somehow it never sunk in, like they would be in our life forever.  I am so sorry...  you will carve out a new life, with new schedules for yourself but it does take time.  You will wake up one day and realize it is getting a bit easier.  I wish we could all live close to our children like the old days.  That sure would help.
You vent anytime my friend.  People here will love you and cry right along side you.


Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2018, 03:34:15 PM »
Hi Mary,


Thank you.  Yes I agree when they are little every thing in development is letting go in a way, pre school, school etc but theyíre still with us and we feel young donít we too, our whole life ahead. If you think though how long they are with us, no wonder itís strange.    She is a lovely daughter including me, she rings for a rant a lot and I just listen.  You may hear a lot from me x

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Still sad
« Reply #2 on: June 25, 2018, 03:34:15 PM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #3 on: June 25, 2018, 07:53:15 PM »
You come on anytime.. 
An elder once told me (when I was young) that the most important and hardest part of parenting, was knowing when to let go.  I said how will I know, and she said Oh you'll know.  those were such true words, and no one can know how painful it is to a parent.  I think it's comparable to a mother bird kicking her baby out of the nest and watching it try to fly for the first time.   :(

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #4 on: June 26, 2018, 09:59:29 AM »
Hi Guineagirl,  :welcome:  I think Mary pretty much said it all (she's usually pretty good at that)  :13:  but just wanted to say also, come here anytime, someone will usually be around. Some only come here a few days whiles others every day or so, so be patient, you will get responses!


Some of us just seem to have more trouble letting go then others so hang in there. We all know it is just part of the life cycle but still hard to face sometimes.


Joining in on some of the other conversations going on here also helps in getting to know some of the other members and how they are doing.


Have any questions, just ask!  :tinypinkflowers:

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2018, 10:35:09 AM »
Thank you.  I have read a lot of threads and I can honestly say people describe exactly how I feel.  Itís not something you can discuss with people as a lot I know their children live closer.  We were a threesome for 24 years and so going back to two I feel is very hard and just not the same.   I miss silly things like people watching with her, and her knowing exactly what I was thinking or saying, something my other half is no good at.  Itís hard to believe the baby I had how lives three hours away, the years seem to have flown by.  I maybe feel better than a year ago but I donít think itís something I will get over more accepting that she has a life to live just as I did.  Iím just thankful I get to hear how she is. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Still sad
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2018, 10:35:09 AM »

Offline 4am coffee

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2018, 12:34:25 PM »
So much loss in so little time.  :tinypinkflowers:  Prayers to you. You have every right to feel sad. Don't feel guilty about grieving and please, come by as often as you need. We're all in this together.  :big hug smiley sign:

Offline MaryB

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2018, 01:50:20 PM »
Thanks for the vote of confidence, Jeanine!! :039:  I'm doing good when I dont stick both feet in my mouth! ha!
4AM Coffee,  welcome to the family!  You are so right that we are all in this together and no one needs to feel guilty.
I can tell how close you and your daughter are, Guineagirl,  that finishing each other's sentences is not something that everyone shares.  I bet she is missing you just as much.  I agree and wish you could live closer together and hopefully that is just what will happen in the near future!

Offline MerryMe

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #8 on: June 28, 2018, 01:08:54 AM »
We are on the same boat, Guineagirl. I joined this forum in order for me to let my emotions out as sometimes our husbands are too strong that they handle emotional stress easier than us. I always tell my husband that he cannot remove my bond with our son because I literally carried him in my womb. Having said that, saying our thoughts and emotions to people who have the same predicament will ease the process of missing our children. It won't remove the pain, but at least it will cushion a little bit.

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #9 on: June 28, 2018, 02:29:26 AM »
Hi Merry Me,


Yes itís why I joined to be able to say things without someone saying back the obvious things like..... well volunteer, get a new hobby, itís your time the list goes on all these things are said when their child lives nearby and they are one of a few children.  They donít understand an only child living three hours away or five hours in bad traffic, it took five hours drive the last time🤨 like you say as well itís hard for some husbands to understand.  My husband is the sort of man who keeps emotions inside and so my grief of my Mam and daughter hasnít been allowed out and as time passes itís stuck inside.  Some days are better than others arenít they.  The bad thing is when she visits which is next week for five days or we visit her itís so hard saying bye again, and so the emotions start up again.  They seem in our thoughts all the time donít they.

Offline Marie

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #10 on: June 28, 2018, 03:26:47 AM »
Guineagirl, you have been through so much in the past few years, and my heart goes out to you.  Please let yourself grieve at your own pace.  Everyone grieves differently, and there is no time frame for grief. 

I think it's great that your daughter includes you in her life and that you go and visit her.  I know it's difficult, but try not to feel guilty for doing fun things without her.  You deserve to have an enjoyable life.  This is a new chapter for you, and it will take some time to adjust and learn a new, "normal." 

I'e found everyone here to be very supportive, and I hope you find the support you need here during this difficult time.

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #11 on: June 28, 2018, 05:43:23 AM »
Thank you Marie,


I think I will be posting on here, at various times when my emotions are surging thank you.  Iíve read so many threads on here,  without reading these you honestly feel crackers that you feel like this and that so many other people donít,  maybe I find change hard as well.  Yes I am pleased she includes us, then I worry what if a future partner doesnít want her to, mmm stop worrying stupid woman I think.  At Mams funeral a family member I overheard commenting to my husband (they never had children) said to him Ďit must be so strange children leaving homeí I never forgot what they said and thought it was very empathetic to say. Xx

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2018, 11:45:15 AM »
My girl visited for three days and we had a lovely time.  She said she wishes she was back today when she rang and had a good time.  She said she always sleeps well when she comes home.  Looking forward to three weeks when we meet again.  Miss her

Offline MerryMe

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #13 on: July 17, 2018, 07:40:42 AM »
Hello again. I'm glad to hear that you had a great time with your daughter. How I wish my son can go home as often as your daughter does. My son works in another country so we will be lucky if we see him once a year.

Offline Guineagirl

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Re: Still sad
« Reply #14 on: July 17, 2018, 10:08:25 AM »
Iím sorry about your son  :tinypinkflowers:  I think it will come to seeing her less one day, she has a car at the moment but once she moves nearer the city she will have to sell it, and once sheís more settled we will see less of her.  We make the most of seeing her now but I get depressed that one day in the near future we will see less of her.  I see her again next weekend so look forward to it.   It must be hard your son living away from you. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Still sad
« Reply #14 on: July 17, 2018, 10:08:25 AM »

 

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