Encouraging independence

[ava]

Looking back, I realize that it would have been easier to deal with my empty nest, had I realized that at some point, the children would leave. In light of this, at what instance did you leave them to learn on their own, including allowing them to make mistakes? I feel that allowing them to experience life's trials would be the best way to learn. Your thoughts?

[Augi]

This might not be a popular stance to take on this, but I really don't believe in the school of hard knocks. I know that some people feel that you have to let your kids make their own mistakes, and while that is true, I believe in helping them to make as few as possible. Life is too short to spend it on mishaps that could have been avoided.

One of my mentors, a drill sergeant in the Marine Corps, said that we don't live long enough to make all the mistakes that we need to make in order to learn how to live life, so what we have to do is learn from other people's mistakes. I agree with this 100%.

Years ago I was watching a documentary on the singer Stevie Nicks, and she was talking about all the issues she'd had due to her being addicted to cocaine. She went on to say something along the lines of you don't have to make the mistakes with drugs like I did. You've seen what being addicted did to me, so you can learn from what I went through, you don't have to go through it.

It depends on the child, because some children are more open to correction and instruction than others, but if you are blessed with children who easily take instruction and who are at ease with learning from you, then I say it's okay to help them to avoid as much heartache as possible. Mistakes are a part of life, but in my opinion, there is no need to make more of them than is necessary.

[cherie]

Hey Augi, I agree with you completely. Like I have heard it said many times before, people should learn from mistakes but because all of us are wired differently, our adaptability to situations normally varies. It is good to walk each step with your child and help them sail through life experiences, with relative ease.

[Kidless]

 I like your Drill Sergeant  Augi. Sounds like he has been around the block a time or two.  If children were left to learn totally by their own mistakes then what does that say about our parenting?  I feel it is our job to be their bumper or buffer between inexperience and the world.  We all make mistakes but we should be there to help our kids.
 

[4am coffee]

I think 16 or 17 is a good time to start with this. If they make a bad decision, it's not going to be so big as to be life shattering and you are still there to pick up the pieces and tell them where they went wrong.


It is a life experience that you are helping them with before the time comes when you can't be for them anymore.

[MomOfTwo]

My father taught me this principle, "Wise People Learn From Experience, Smart People Learn From The Experience Of Others." I have tried my best to share this principle I've learned to my sons. I tell them the pros and cons of the things they will do and let them decide. I have done this since the time they were old enough to talk and explain what they think.