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Author Topic: Do you feel like your empty nest is still home to your kids when they come over?  (Read 146 times)

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Offline Melee

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I know someone who refers to everything in her house as 'hers'. So, when her kids come back home to visit, she says stuff like, "Go look in my refrigerator." "Close my front door." "Move your coat out of my living room and put it in the front closet." "Don't go in my kitchen without washing your hands."
Even though her kids grew up in that same house, everything is "hers". To be fair, she was like that even prior to them going off to college when they were living at home. It was, "Turn that water off in my bathroom, my water bill is too high already." "Make sure you take your clothes out of my dryer so you'll have some clean clothes to wear for school in the morning."

When your kids come home from college, do you act like the house is just yours, and your kids are just visitors, or do you treat them as if home is always going to be home to them?

I have to be honest, that 'my this' and 'my that' stuff irritates me. Sometimes I think that maybe it's her way of teaching her kids that they have to go out and get "their" own as well, but it still bugs me.

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Offline ava

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It would worry me if this was something that kept being said all the time. However, I have realized that at times, there's no point of trying to correct or change someone's nature. We have to learn to accept people as they are, especially when they have been that way for a long time.

Offline Melee

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It would worry me if this was something that kept being said all the time. However, I have realized that at times, there's no point of trying to correct or change someone's nature. We have to learn to accept people as they are, especially when they have been that way for a long time.

You're so right Ava, we do have to accept people as they are. I'm a firm believer in that. And her saying "my this" and "my that" all the time doesn't worry me so much as it just gets on my nerves. It's one thing if she says it to me, or says it to people who are guests in her home just over for a visit, and even her saying that to us is kind of ridiculous because we all know that it's your refrigerator. What bugs me is when she says it to her kids, it's almost like she doesn't want them to feel like they are at home in any way, shape, or form. Then, if she says something about how they don't come to visit often enough it's like, hello, would you want to visit someone who treats you like you're an interloper?

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Offline Pat

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My empty nest is definitely still home to my son. Or should I say "our" son .... his room is still his room with a few sets of clothes for when he visits. When he's here he's just as relaxed as he was when he lived here - no formalities associated with being a "visitor". In fact I'd hate it if it felt like he was a visitor. He is our only child and this house, or whichever house we end up in at the time of our deaths, will be his. It would be great if it felt like a home to him and really meant something.

Offline Melee

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My empty nest is definitely still home to my son. Or should I say "our" son .... his room is still his room with a few sets of clothes for when he visits. When he's here he's just as relaxed as he was when he lived here - no formalities associated with being a "visitor". In fact I'd hate it if it felt like he was a visitor. He is our only child and this house, or whichever house we end up in at the time of our deaths, will be his. It would be great if it felt like a home to him and really meant something.

I think this is wonderful Pat, and I certainly feel that how you are with your son is the way that things should be, but everyone is entitled to run their home the way they see fit. I just don't understand this particular woman's way of thinking, that's all, my this, my that.  One day I got so sick of hearing it, when she said to one of her kids to get away from her front door, or something like that, I repeated loudly, "Yes, her DOOR!" She looked at me and seemed embarrassed. I just couldn't hold my tongue any longer.

I think it's wonderful how you treat your son. Not everybody treats their child/children like that. How relaxing it must be for him to be able to come home and be able to relax.

Offline Beth75

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It's a little obnoxious to repeatedly say "my fridge" and "my door", etc. I get the message but you only need to say it once for it to be understood. Repeatedly saying it just seems hostile and I wouldn't feel very welcome if I was on the receiving end. It's like saying this is my house and you don't belong so you should be happy that I let you come here.

I think it's important for your kids to have somewhere they can call home, no matter what and no matter how old. It would be great to watch them succeed and never need us again but that's not how life works.
Personally, my home will always be open to my children. When they come over they know that this is home.

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