Sharing some of your experiences getting through your empty nest

[cherie]

They have been married for 40 years but just like any other couple out there, they believe that family and friends have been a blessing, ever since the first child left. We frequent their home every so often and to date, there is always something new to learn.

We agree on many fronts and they offered a lot of support when our first child left. Something that we didn't immediately notice was the effect this had on the siblings. They had been so close (the three of them) until the eldest left for college. At times, kids will not share how they feel. Meal times started becoming unusually quiet and we realized the importance of encouraging them to frequently communicate with their older sister.

[Melee]

It's really good that you found some nice people to support you when your first child left the nest, the fact that this couple you mention here has been married for 40 years speaks volumes, because these days some people find it difficult to be married for 40 months, or in some cases even 40 days. I absolutely love talking to people who have a great deal of life experience.

I can totally understand how one child leaving the nest can affect the whole dynamic of the family. That person not being there can throw things off-kilter for awhile, sometimes for the worst, sometimes for the better. Awhile ago I saw a program about a family; the mom and dad, and two teenage sons. For years the youngest son had a terrible stutter, and therefore struggled with having a decent conversation with anyone.

Well, the show goes on to talk about how when the oldest son went off to college, something interesting happened with the youngest son. He began to talk better and better, and in just a little while the stutter that he'd had since he was a young child had gone away.

The mother said that looking back in retrospect she realized that for many, many years the older brother who(m) had a strong personality always cut the younger son off mid-sentence, interrupted him constantly, and just all around always talked over the younger brother.

The parents said they noticed that after the older brother left for college, the younger brother was finally able to get a full sentence out without being interrupted... thank goodness his parents weren't the interrupting type.

They were amazed at his transformation. I guess he had been going to doctors about his stuttering or something, and certain people involved wanted to put the family's story out there.

In this particular case, a child leaving the nest spawned a whole new lifestyle for the youngest sibling, and fully opened the parents eyes to something that they had been seeing and hearing go on for years but had not realized the extent of the damage it was doing. Good for the parents having the generosity to share their story on national TV.

You're so right about kids sometimes not sharing what they feel. Sometimes we forget that even though someone is technically an adult at 18 and 21, they lack the life experience that is sometimes needed in order to talk about certain things.

[cherie]

I completely agree with you Melee, marriage seems to be a different thing altogether, in this day and age. The thing is people seem all aware of the challenges of being an empty-nester and with the various support groups available now, it may be easier to sail through now than ever before. Throw in technology and you realize how easy it is to keep in touch and encourage each other, while going through this phase!

[Melee]

I completely agree with you Melee, marriage seems to be a different thing altogether, in this day and age. The thing is people seem all aware of the challenges of being an empty-nester and with the various support groups available now, it may be easier to sail through now than ever before. Throw in technology and you realize how easy it is to keep in touch and encourage each other, while going through this phase!

I agree, it can be a real test of how strong a marriage is when the child/children move out and now husband and wife have to be on their own. It's good that there are support groups out there, forums, in-person events and other things that can help people deal with the feelings that arise from the kids leaving.