Considering moving but I'm hesitant

[Treasure]

Our house is wonderful but it's far too big for my husband and I. We've been considering selling the house and getting a couple of condos instead. We thought this would be a neat way to have a place to call our own wherever our children end up settling down, as well as a place near our extended family (who are all conveniently located in Portland). It's such a fun idea but it's putting us in a weird place. We want to move forward, to start our next chapter, but we've lived here for over 25 years. It's our home, it's our children's home. My kids are torn as well since they think they'll visit our hometown a lot less frequently and miss out on seeing their friends and, well, all of the places that were a part of their childhood.

Has anyone moved to a different location? How did you feel when you left? Do you still feel that way now? What about your kids, how did they feel?

[Berta]

Yes, I moved but it has been 5 years. I can't really remember HOW strongly I felt five years about leaving my home of nearly 30 years. I do know from what I wrote in my diary at the that I had doubts and asked myself similar questions to yours.


All I can say is that, several years later, I don't regret it. I live closer to my daughter, without being on her doorstep, and that has been good for us. She worried about losing contact with her friends from where we used to live. But I felt that, as an adult, it was her responsibility to maintain her friendships. She does go back, maybe less than she would if I lived there, but she doesn't find it a problem.


I'd say that you have to put yourselves first, before your adult, independent children. When you think about what might be few years ahead imagine what is going to be best for you and your husband. If you focus upon what you have now and what you'll be leaving behind, you could end up living in some sort of limbo tethered to the past.

[nvgt16]

I chose to make a huge move south back in November, leaving behind my home that I've known for 30 years. I went for a 4 bedroom Cape to a 2 bed/1 bath Florida house. Major shortage of space and I've had to go through so many mixed feelings and experiences. I closed on both houses this past March 6th and am still adjusting to everything. My kids live far away, my son in Utah and my daughter in Spain..so being single, I'm still on my own but in a totally different environment. And yesterday I just found out that my teacher's contract is not being renewed.   I'm kind of feeling bittersweet about my move. I did get rid of a huge mortgage but still have a bigger mortgage than I wanted. One positive thing about my move is that I don't miss the snow and cold weather of RI. I do miss the beaches that were so close to my house along with my house, especially having a wonderful lawn. I also miss my nice neighbors and the food. I do love that where I live I walk about 100 yards to swimming pools and jacuzzis. So, moving is a decision that you have to make for yourself. I would have definitely made other choices too...I would have waited for a better teaching job and better movers. Good luck on your decision. I think that I also would have taken more time to make my decision to move. My kids don't really plan to return from RI even though that's where they grew up. What's kind of weird is that my daughter graduated from high school with the girl of the couple who bought my house. It was quite bittersweet to see pictures of my kitchen being updated...and it honestly didn't look that great...very dark now...but I get the need to update. I am trying to update the bathroom in my house.

[ava]

The thought of moving out of a home that I have lived in for more than a decade can be gruelling. We live in a fairly big house but I love it for the fact that there's always enough space when the visitors come. There are a lot of factors to consider but I wouldn't immediately sell the house. How about leasing it out in the meantime and probably finding a smaller house to rent? You may decide to move back after a few years.

[Treasure]

Berta, I'm glad that things have worked out for you! You're right, I need to make my husband and I more of a priority. That's one of those mental shifts that make having an empty nest so challenging. It goes against the grain!

nvgt16, I'm so sorry to hear that your move didn't work out like you planned. I can't believe that your teacher's contract isn't going to be renewed! That must be really hard to go through. I'm definitely going to make sure that I really think out the practical parts - not just the emotional ones - before we make too much headway one way or the other. I don't think I could handle seeing what people would do to my home once I moved out. It would be too weird!

Ava, that's how I've always justified our large home too. It's great when we have a bunch of visitors. That might not be a bad idea, for us to do a test run and see how we feel.

Thanks for the help!

[Melee]

I don't know if you've made a choice, but I think that since your kids are torn on the decision that means that they maybe really want you to keep that home. There is something very appealing about having a familiar place that you can always go back to. I think if you can continue to live in the same house, even though it might be a challenge, then that would be a good thing.
On the other hand, moving can be nice too, especially if things are more convenient to get to, and if the new place is easier to maintain.

[Treasure]

Oh no, we haven't made any decisions yet. My husband and I are procrastinators. I can absolutely understand why my children would want to have a place in their hometown. We've been wondering if we could make some kind of compromise. Since we plan on having a few different 'homes', we might sell the house and get an apartment or something in town so that they have a place they can crash if they ever want to visit.

[Melee]

Oh no, we haven't made any decisions yet. My husband and I are procrastinators. I can absolutely understand why my children would want to have a place in their hometown. We've been wondering if we could make some kind of compromise. Since we plan on having a few different 'homes', we might sell the house and get an apartment or something in town so that they have a place they can crash if they ever want to visit.

In this particular case, I think procrastination is a good thing.
I feel strangely really invested in this decision!! I really don't want you to sell the house! Is that weird? Because I'm not trying to be weird at all. I guess my penchant towards the nostalgic gets all revved up when I hear about things like this... a couple considering selling the family home. Add to that the remarkable amounts of Hallmark movies I watch where grown children are always returning to the town they grew up in, and once they reach town they head straight to their childhood home.
It's a tough decision, but a good one to be able to have.

[Jeanine]

Hi Neale (nvgt16) Missed this post somehow, did you say that your teacher's contract isn't being renewed? Have you applied to other schools? I hope you find something even better then the one you had and can feel more settled.


How has it been going for  you? Haven't heard in a while. Isn't your daughter getting married soon or has that already happened? Time is flying by so fast it's hard to keep up with things!


Hope you are doing ok ad enjoying your new life down here in Florida!


Catch us up when you can. 

[Elizabeth]

Oh nvgt16, that's a real bummer! I hope things have changed up a bit since  you last post and as Jeanine mentioned, would love to hear an update on how things are. Still enjoying being in Fl.? I know you mentioned you didn't miss the snow this past winter so that is a good plus! How have your kitties been adjusting to the move? Some do fine while others take a while. Hope yours did great.