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Author Topic: I think they just want my mother's money.  (Read 306 times)

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Offline Augi

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I think they just want my mother's money.
« on: March 21, 2018, 11:40:42 AM »
My mother is a very sweet lady, classy, funny, extremely intelligent... but mentally fragile. She gave me up for adoption when I was born, but ended up "giving" me to her aunt, therefore I was raised by one of my great aunts. Even though I was not raised by my mother, I have been close to her because my informal adoption was kept in the family.
My mother stayed in constant contact with me, as I did her even though we were thousands of miles apart when I was a child being raised by my great aunt.

Present day, my mother still lives across the country from me. She lives with some family members. She has always adored them, but they have treated her badly.

My smart, intelligent elderly mother was brow-beaten and verbally abused to the point to where she finally had to be declared incompetent by one of her sisters, my aunt. I feel there was a plot to mentally "break" her in order to get her money.

The incompetency hearing went through, one of my aunts was declared my mother's guardian, with control over my mother and my mother's money.

Recently (less than a year later), the court ruled that my aunt was not keeping account of the money properly. And we're not even going to talk about the way she treats my mother, but one can imagine.

It's such a challenge.

I would love to be financially well-off so that I could have my mother come and stay with me and my family so that my mother can live a happy life. I love her for her, not for her money.

Empty Nest Moms

I think they just want my mother's money.
« on: March 21, 2018, 11:40:42 AM »

Offline haidyl

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2018, 12:33:46 PM »
Reading through your post, I cannot help but wonder how a lot seems to have changed over the years. Materialism has engulfed people's minds and degraded the true meaning of family. You have the sweetest mum and I pray that your wishes to be with her, will come to pass, sooner or later.

Offline Augi

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2018, 01:19:52 PM »
Reading through your post, I cannot help but wonder how a lot seems to have changed over the years. Materialism has engulfed people's minds and degraded the true meaning of family. You have the sweetest mum and I pray that your wishes to be with her, will come to pass, sooner or later.


Thank you for your kind words. I do hope that I can find a way to get my mother to come and stay with us. She is a kind lady and deserves to be treated kindly, not yelled at, and probably physically abused. Yes, materialism is something that people diligently seek, I guess they do so in order to feel like they are "winning" in life. It's okay to win, but not when you try to hurt someone else to benefit yourself.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2018, 01:19:52 PM »

Offline BettyBoop

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2018, 07:18:57 AM »
If you have any suspicions that your mother is being physically abused, please get social services involved.  They will keep a close eye on the situation and possibly take your mother out of danger.  No one should ever be physically or mentally abused. 

Offline Augi

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2018, 03:21:03 AM »
If you have any suspicions that your mother is being physically abused, please get social services involved.  They will keep a close eye on the situation and possibly take your mother out of danger.  No one should ever be physically or mentally abused.

You're right.

It's such a complicated situation. I pray that things will come to the light, no matter how much people try to control things. My only issue is that I don't want my mom to be put in a home (it could be even worse there), which is more than likely where she would have to go if she's taken away from where she is.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2018, 03:21:03 AM »

Offline Augi

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2018, 06:37:44 AM »
Update-- So, the court has recently decided to give my aunt another chance to come up with all of the accounting data that they need. A few weeks ago she was very distraught because the court had led her to believe that she was no longer going to be able to be my mother's guardian. When I tried to call my aunt and talk to her about things, she wouldn't answer the phone.

Yesterday she told me that the court has allowed her extra time to get them the accounting records that they requested a month ago. Her take on things is that she should be in charge of my mother's money because if I'm in charge (my mother's only offspring), that I will just spend the money. And I have no doubt that she is sharing that opinion with almost everyone she comes in contact with.

From the beginning my aunt said that taking care of my mother was her priority and that money was not the issue, so I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. But as I've listened to her talk (just yesterday), I'm feeling more and more like money was, and always has been the issue all along.

Offline Augi

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2018, 02:57:09 AM »
Update***** Those of you who believe in prayer, please pray for my mother. She had a stroke and is in the hospital. Just days before the final accounting hearing was scheduled...

I spoke to her on April 2nd, we talked and laughed. A few days later I found out that she was in the hospital with a stroke. My aunt is in charge of the medical decisions. That is not what I signed up for when I bowed out of the guardianship.

I called the hospital to see how my mom was doing and was told that they could give me no information because I was not the person to speak to. That has since changed, and now I'm able to call and check on my mom.


I talked to her yesterday and today. She was just able to make incoherent sounds, but she is able to do that, so that's something. The way my aunt was telling me about things, I thought my mom was in a coma. Imagine my surprise when I called last night and the nurse said to me, "Do you want to speak to her?"

Please pray for her.

Offline horizon

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2018, 07:11:36 AM »
I'm really sorry to hear about that, Augi. I hope your mother is recovering by now. How are the court sessions going? It is very disappointing when family members seem to think of the money more than anything else because that is not what a family means. I can understand that you may have financial concerns but is it possible to transfer the guardianship to you and take care of her at home? That may minimize the cost of living elsewhere and improve her mental condition.

Offline Augi

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2018, 08:43:23 AM »
I'm really sorry to hear about that, Augi. I hope your mother is recovering by now. How are the court sessions going? It is very disappointing when family members seem to think of the money more than anything else because that is not what a family means. I can understand that you may have financial concerns but is it possible to transfer the guardianship to you and take care of her at home? That may minimize the cost of living elsewhere and improve her mental condition.


Thank you for your kind words. So sorry for the late reply. My mom recently passed away, it was somewhere toward the beginning of May, although no one told me until about two weeks after it happened, and there are two different passing dates on the mortuary website.

I didn't feel sad when I heard the news, I felt happy and relaxed. It was/is the first time in a long time that I have not had to feel concern about my mother.

After I wrote here talking about how my mom was in the hospital and I was surprised when the nurse said, "Do you want to speak to her?" I had a conversation with my aunt who told me that she had told the doctors to do whatever they could to help my mom. Great!

A couple of days later my aunt calls me and says that she has decided to have the doctors remove my mom's feeding tube because my mom wasn't getting better. I was stunned by this news, after all my mom had just had a stroke less than two weeks prior.

My aunt and I went back and forth, I kept my cool although it was hard. It was like I was pleading for the life of a complete stranger when, excuse me, is this not your sister? I told her that I had no idea this type of thing would happen when the hearing went on about my mom's care. My aunt's answer to me was, "Well you should've fought harder for her."

The next day I asked my attorney to fax a letter I had written to the hospital telling the doctors that although I was not power of attorney, and although I love my aunt very much, I strongly and vehemently disagree with removing my mother's feeding tube so quickly after her stroke.

When I called the next day to check on my mom (I called every day) I was told that I was no longer allowed to check on my mother because the password I had was changed that day. I no longer was able to find out any information about her.

I decided I had to let go. I wasn't going to beg my aunt for anything. I had already begged for my mother's life and she wasn't receptive to that, I certainly wasn't going to call and beg for a password, a password that changed the day my attorney faxed my letter to the hospital.

About three weeks later, my dad calls me on the phone out of the blue. I had not heard from him in weeks. We talked on the phone about this and that, then we got off the phone. About 10, 20 minutes later he calls back and asks me have I heard anything about my mom. I told him no. He told me that his wife had heard it announced in church that my mom had passed away. I asked when was this, and he said yesterday.

I found out by checking the mortuary site (I guessed which website because when my mom's brother passed away a couple of years ago, that's who did his services) that she had passed away weeks before my dad told me. There are two dates listed as the day she passed away, so I don't know when exactly.

I'm just glad my mother is at rest.  :tinypinkflowers:
My mom has been gone almost a month and I haven't heard about a will or anything. I suppose I'm going to have to pursue it. If people didn't call to tell me my mother passed away, and I am her only child, I'm not surprised they haven't mentioned a will.

Offline Marie

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Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2018, 06:17:04 AM »
You are an incredibly strong and generous person to forgive your mom and for loving her despite her giving you up for adoption.  :)

It's really awful that your family just wants your mom's money.  Is there any way an independent third party (a non-relative) can be in charge of your mom's finances instead?  That way, the person managing your mom's finances isn't invested in the situation personally.  This can definitely make it less complicated.

I'm sorry you and your mom are going though this.  Sending you both best wishes. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: I think they just want my mother's money.
« Reply #9 on: July 19, 2018, 06:17:04 AM »

 

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