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Author Topic: Visiting is tough  (Read 213 times)

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Offline Katie Ann

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Visiting is tough
« on: February 06, 2018, 10:20:37 PM »
It breaks my heart to visit my favorite aunt.  She's about two hours away, so I can only go twice a month.  She hardly even remembers me anymore.  She's just wasting away.  I wish there was something more I could do.  I take her supplies and stuff, but we used to be so tight and I'm about the closest relative nearby other than her son who doesn't come around much.

Empty Nest Moms

Visiting is tough
« on: February 06, 2018, 10:20:37 PM »

Offline Kidless

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Re: Visiting is tough
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2018, 06:23:19 AM »
Is she still in her home or in a nursing home?  Mom is in a nursing home and much the same way you described your aunt.  It is very hard to go see her but she looks forward to my visits.  I just try to bring her as much happiness as I can while there.  Be happy, make jokes.  That's about all you can do at this stage in her life.   :hugs:

Offline Blaire

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Re: Visiting is tough
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2018, 07:11:28 PM »
From what I know about people in situations like your aunt's, they usually don't feel as much pain as you do because they don't remember much about the life they had before. You are feeling the pain so deeply because you remember her as she was. I hope it brings you a little comfort to know that she probably feels more at peace than you imagine.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Visiting is tough
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2018, 07:11:28 PM »

Offline Katie Ann

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Re: Visiting is tough
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2018, 11:09:47 PM »
Blair, that is a very poetic way to look at the situation.  It does help to view things through that lens.  Thank you!

Kidless, she is in the nursing home.  She requires more help than offered by the assisted living facilities near her residence.  I wish I could chat with my aunt on the phone.  Unfortunately, they don't allow family or friends to call into the rooms, even though she has a private room, so it wouldn't disturb a roommate.  She can't phone me because it would be long-distance which they don't allow either.  They don't allow cell phones because of privacy issues (people taking photos of residents that they had no business taking).  Lots of rules, but they are kind about explaining things and they have extended my visiting hours since I can only come twice a month.  It just feels like that isn't enough.  Not enough love.  And she was always so kind to me growing up.

How is your mom doing now, Kidless?  I remember how worried you were when it was time to consider a nursing home.  Glad you found a good one!

Offline horizon

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Re: Visiting is tough
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2018, 10:54:34 AM »
Katie, I'm sorry to hear. If it's something like dementia, then I think the memory can come and go randomly. Sometimes she remembers you, other times she doesn't. What do you think about talking to his son and maybe organize a place closer to you?

Offline Kidless

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Re: Visiting is tough
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2018, 08:08:19 AM »
Katie Ann.  It sounds like you are doing all you can.  My mom is in a nursing home and I go as often as possible. That may be 3 or 4 times a week.  It always amazes me that some of the residents there never have any visitors.  It makes me sad.  You keep doing what you can for your aunt and don't feel guilty.  She sounds like the kind of woman who wouldn't want you to feel that way.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Visiting is tough
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2018, 08:08:19 AM »

 

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