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Author Topic: Trying to Forget  (Read 418 times)

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Offline Kidless

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Trying to Forget
« on: December 12, 2017, 07:19:33 AM »
My son has been gone for 11 years now but left behind 4 children and a wife.  She remarried and moved away.  At first we saw the children maybe once or twice a year but for the last few years , not at all.  Distance plays a big part. However, my daughter-in-law has quit keeping in touch, does not send texts, does not send pictures or acknowledge any gifts I send.  I just wonder if the contact brings back too many bad memories of what we all went through and that she is just trying to forget.  Any opinions?

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Trying to Forget
« on: December 12, 2017, 07:19:33 AM »

Offline haidyl

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2017, 10:28:58 AM »
My son has been gone for 11 years now but left behind 4 children and a wife.  She remarried and moved away.  At first we saw the children maybe once or twice a year but for the last few years , not at all.  Distance plays a big part. However, my daughter-in-law has quit keeping in touch, does not send texts, does not send pictures or acknowledge any gifts I send.  I just wonder if the contact brings back too many bad memories of what we all went through and that she is just trying to forget.  Any opinions?
This is a hard one for sure. I guess it helps to still keep sending the gifts because in a way, I'm sure she appreciates them. She may be going through a phase but what's important is to find out the kids' welfare. Despite the distance, are you able to make an impromptu visit? How old are the kids?

Offline JustUs2

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2017, 11:35:38 PM »
Can you ask her, Kidless?  Does she realize she's hurting you by not keeping in touch?  With social media available it should be easy to send a simple thank you and acknowledge your existence.  It seems cruel to behave the way she is.  I'm sure it's hard for her, but it would probably get easier as time and your connection went on.  She's depriving those kids of a grandmother.

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2017, 11:35:38 PM »

Offline Kidless

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #3 on: December 13, 2017, 06:56:12 AM »
She is on Face Book but never uses it that I know of to keep in touch.  The good news is that she tagged me 2 days ago with a couple of pictures of the girls going to a dance.  I was so happy I cried.  To ask her anything would be out of the question.  I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with a couple of bones every now and then.

Offline JustUs2

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #4 on: December 14, 2017, 11:38:55 AM »
To ask her anything would be out of the question. 
Well, why?  People aren't mind readers you know. Maybe she thinks you're mad at her for remarrying instead of staying faithful to your son's memory. Maybe she feels guilty for moving on and being happy with someone else. People get all kinds of ideas in their head.  If you don't ask, you won't get anywhere. Besides, you're her elder.  It's not like she can be rude about it. 


Did you respond to the tag?  You should start tagging them sometimes in your updates and messages.  Okay, I don't have a Facebook account so I hope I'm making sense here.  I'm just trying to elevate your interactions.  It might take me a minute to work up to it, but I would go for the direct approach. 

Offline haidyl

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2017, 12:03:45 PM »
Reading through this thread, I get the idea that she could be behaving the way she does as a result of guilt or something close to that. It'd help to reach out, but I believe this isn't easy to Kidless like it would be to some of us. I just hope that over time, you'll both keep in touch, even more. Good luck!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #5 on: December 14, 2017, 12:03:45 PM »

Online Jeanine

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #6 on: December 14, 2017, 04:08:57 PM »
Oh Kidless, that is sad that you don't have more contact with your grandchildren. I am glad to hear that you got tagged on FB though, at least it shows she is thinking of you now and then. It could possibly be guilt as to starting a new life and being happy again. She probably wondered if that would  be possible again in the beginning.


I would be sure to reply to the tag and maybe start to gradually get back into contact again and see, if possible, if you could go visit them for a few days or even have them come stay with you a bit in the summer time?


I know it has been almost six years for us (2/12/18) and think it would about kill us if our dil moved away with our one and only grandson. We have been very fortunate that she is still living here (next block over!) and we see our grandson all the time.(He really loves his "Papa"!) She does have a boyfriend and has for a long time now. I do think they are talking marriage so another step we will have to get pass. It's hard to swallow sometimes, but life goes on and I know that it is still hard for her at times (we have some really good 'talks' now and then) but she is trying to move forward and think of her son.


There have been other hurdles we have (or all of us) had to get over but you keep moving on. Life is different now but still a good one....you just take deep breaths now and then and push ahead.


I would seriously though try and get back 'in touch' if just very slowly. I imagine the kids are growing up fast and 'we' aren't getting any younger. Don't want any regrets later on.


Myself, I'm wanting to travel a bit more (not far away places, just some fun short trips) with our grandson while we are still young enough to do so and before he gets older and doesn't really want to! Don't want to look back and say "Why....?"


So go for it lady! Make contact and see those grankids if only once or twice a year! You deserve it and so do they.  :111:

Offline Kidless

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2017, 06:47:56 AM »

Thank you all for the words of encouragement.  You are right.  I should be more forthcoming in contacting her.  I did reply to the pictures on face book and she answered back.  That's a good start.  Right? 


Jeanine,  you love on that boy as much as you can for as long as you can.  He will always remember !!  What does he call you?  I'm G-mommy and my husband is PapPap.  :)

Offline JustUs2

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Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2017, 01:22:51 PM »
Kidless, that's an excellent start and brave of you!  Hopefully that little bit of back and forth will spark a closer friendship down the road.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Trying to Forget
« Reply #8 on: December 21, 2017, 01:22:51 PM »

 

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