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Author Topic: Father-in-Law  (Read 71 times)

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Offline Treasure

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Father-in-Law
« on: November 16, 2017, 01:42:48 AM »
My father-in-law is going through kidney failure right now. It's apparently a very peaceful way to go, but it's very hard to watch someone wither away. I know it's particularly hard for my husband who has already lost a mother and isn't overly fond of his only sibling. I am fortunate enough to still have both of my parents; I can't imagine losing both. He doesn't really like to talk about it, he's very much a "suffer in silence" type, so it can be difficult for me to know how to be there for him other than constantly reminding him I'm there. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes I think he just wishes I'd go away (which is fine, I just wish he'd say so). Either way, this isn't about me. It's about my father-in-law and husband and I hope you guys can send some prayers, happy thoughts, good vibes, whatever their way.

Empty Nest Moms

Father-in-Law
« on: November 16, 2017, 01:42:48 AM »

Offline JustUs2

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Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2017, 10:13:03 PM »
Treasure, I'll be praying for husband and father-in-law.  You're in a tough spot because it's hard to watch the person you love suffer so.  Especially when you think you can help if they'd just let you. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2017, 10:13:03 PM »

Offline Treasure

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Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2017, 08:29:16 PM »
Thank you so much, JustUs2. I really appreciate it. It's the hardest thing in the world! Especially, because like you said, I think I can help him. But I'm sort of a busybody like that. I need to remember that everyone deals with things in their own way and there's no "right" way. We got to go see his father this weekend. He seems to be in better spirits which thankfully helps my husband and his brother be in better spirits as well.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2017, 08:29:16 PM »

Offline JustUs2

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Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2017, 10:53:30 PM »
How are your father-in-law and husband fairing now?  Anything changed?  I got to thinking, would your father-in-law tell you what he needs if you asked directly?  You could try making specific queries like, "I'm going to the store this afternoon, what do you need?  Oh, it looks like you're out of milk, what else?" Maybe doing small chores would take some of the pressure off your husband.  Of course, that might not work and you're likely doing a thousand things on your own like most women do. 

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #3 on: December 03, 2017, 10:53:30 PM »

Offline Kidless

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Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2017, 05:49:23 AM »
Treasure, up have just described my husband.  "Suffer in silence."  Over the years I have learned to just leave him alone during these times.  Anything I do or say usually makes it worse.  I just go on about my business and daily routine.  I know he will talk when he gets ready.  And it's a tough spot for us gals.

Offline Treasure

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Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2017, 11:57:35 AM »
JustUs2, they are still more or less the same, although my husband does seem to have reached the acceptance stage of grief - at least this particular grief. Unfortunately, he had a close friend last week as well; and one of our children's friends died from an overdose. So it's just a lot of grief going around. I think he's processed what will happen to his father though and is in a healthier place about that. One battle at a time, right? Thank you for the advice! I usually try to do the small chores, but I know I could be doing more. It's a good idea to ask his father-in-law rather than my husband though. I haven't tried that route. Thank you!

Kidless, I'm still trying to learn that lesson. I'm trying my best to leave him alone because I'm trying to remember exactly what you said: when I do or say things, I usually make it worse. It's tough to deal with though because it just goes against every fiber of my being. But once again, this isn't supposed to be about me. Thank you for the kind words!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Father-in-Law
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2017, 11:57:35 AM »

 

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