Empty Nest Moms AND Dads! > The Grieving Room

Father-in-Law

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Treasure:
My father-in-law is going through kidney failure right now. It's apparently a very peaceful way to go, but it's very hard to watch someone wither away. I know it's particularly hard for my husband who has already lost a mother and isn't overly fond of his only sibling. I am fortunate enough to still have both of my parents; I can't imagine losing both. He doesn't really like to talk about it, he's very much a "suffer in silence" type, so it can be difficult for me to know how to be there for him other than constantly reminding him I'm there. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes I think he just wishes I'd go away (which is fine, I just wish he'd say so). Either way, this isn't about me. It's about my father-in-law and husband and I hope you guys can send some prayers, happy thoughts, good vibes, whatever their way.

JustUs2:
Treasure, I'll be praying for husband and father-in-law.  You're in a tough spot because it's hard to watch the person you love suffer so.  Especially when you think you can help if they'd just let you. 

Treasure:
Thank you so much, JustUs2. I really appreciate it. It's the hardest thing in the world! Especially, because like you said, I think I can help him. But I'm sort of a busybody like that. I need to remember that everyone deals with things in their own way and there's no "right" way. We got to go see his father this weekend. He seems to be in better spirits which thankfully helps my husband and his brother be in better spirits as well.

JustUs2:
How are your father-in-law and husband fairing now?  Anything changed?  I got to thinking, would your father-in-law tell you what he needs if you asked directly?  You could try making specific queries like, "I'm going to the store this afternoon, what do you need?  Oh, it looks like you're out of milk, what else?" Maybe doing small chores would take some of the pressure off your husband.  Of course, that might not work and you're likely doing a thousand things on your own like most women do. 

Kidless:
Treasure, up have just described my husband.  "Suffer in silence."  Over the years I have learned to just leave him alone during these times.  Anything I do or say usually makes it worse.  I just go on about my business and daily routine.  I know he will talk when he gets ready.  And it's a tough spot for us gals.

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