Lots of complains and arguments

[horizon]

Because there are only the two of us in the house, we talk and act more freely. Unfortunately, that means we nag on each other more, get mad over small mistakes or little details more. It's loud sometimes, but not in the positive way. I didn't know if we were this intolerant with each other. As if we drop our happy masks now that the child is not around anymore.

Is this okay? At what point do we need to address this more seriously?

[Melee]

Horizon, so sorry to hear that this type of thing is going on. I think it is a very common thing that happens though, unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how one views this type of thing). The bottom line is, "Are you happy?" Were you just staying together for the child? If so, then one can approach this in a myriad of ways.

I know there are some couples out there that use this empty nest time to get real with each other. If the marriage was over years ago, and now there is no "reason" to stay together... well, that's where things might get tricky.

I say if you two really love each other and want to stay together... and when I say want to, I mean really want to, not just pretending to want to because you think that is what the other one wants, or pretending to want to be together because one or both of you is afraid to be alone, or afraid of losing face... if you really want to stay together but you know that the vibe in the home is no longer a nice one, then I think that you should seek outside counseling immediately.

[BettyBoop]

Like Melee said, are you happy?  If you are, then continue.  If not, do something about it.  Life is too short to be miserable and fight all the time.  You also need to let your spouse know how you feel.  It may be that you are both looking for common ground and just don't know how to find it.  You must communicate with him and take it from there. 

[Moonlight]

If you feel uncomfortable, then it's not okay.

I expect my partner to understand me even when I say or do nothing. Same goes with him and that happens unconsciously. It gets frustrating quickly until we explode. We realize later that we still need to communicate even after spending years living together. I wonder if that's what happens with you. See if talking honestly with him helps you to find out the root of the arguments.

[horizon]

We put aside so many things for the kids, so right now we are probably just looking out for ourselves. Unfortunately, we somehow forget about our partner on the way. I realize that we can't always go offensive at each other if we want to work this out. I try to be more considerate and tone down my voice even when I disagree. All while waiting for the right moment to ask him where I stand in his happiness. I still think that I want him included in mine, though.

Thank you all so much, your responses mean a lot. I'm not yet sure where this will lead to, but I'll do my best.

[Marie]

Some outside counsel may help you two explore your feelings about each other and your marriage. 

I think it's normal to begin to notice little things you didn't see when the kids were around.  You notice them now because you aren't being distracted by the kids in the house. 

I know it's difficult, but could you try complimenting your husband more?  Also, ask yourself what is worth bringing up and potentially having a disagreement over.  For instance, is it worth it to complain about your husband's habit of leaving his plate on the counter instead of putting it in the sink?  Or is this something you can overlook?  Try to let the smaller things go and focus on the bigger things. 

I really hope that you get the answers you need from your husband soon.  This sounds like a scary and confusing time for you, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

[4am coffee]

Not to be too risque about this horizon, but some couples consider this foreplay. 


If that isn't you guys, I would address this issue right away, if not sooner.


Life is too short to live in an angry household.