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Author Topic: Having a Hard Time  (Read 34 times)

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Offline Serenity

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Having a Hard Time
« on: November 13, 2017, 02:01:58 PM »
My kids (17 yr. old son & 22 yr. old daughter) were never very close to me as they were growing up. I was a stay at home mom for 15 years, yet for reasons beyond my understanding either of them maintained a close bond with me past the age of 5 yrs. old. Still, I made them my world and accepted that I would never be theirs. That is just how it works sometimes.

This past summer I chose to leave a broken marriage and decided to leave my son to finish high school in his home rather than disrupt everyone more then was needed. Since moving out I have been pretty much disowned. No one comes to visit, call or text. I try to reach out, there is always an excuse why they cannot stop by. At first I would pick up my son on Friday’s, but I always seemed to be an annoyance. It was as if spending time with me was something he “had” to do. Rather than force him I gave him a bus pass so he could stop by any time he chose. He never has. Every week there is an excuse or even worse…no response at all.

As the holidays are quickly approaching it is no surprise that they have other plans and will not be attending Thanksgiving at my home. I fully anticipate Christmas will be the same. This is the first time I have not had them around for Thanksgiving or Christmas and I am finding it extremely difficult. I miss my kids, they are my world.

I guess all I really want is someone else who has been through this…who understands how painful it all is. I feel so alone & isolated and really do not know how to cope with it all.


Empty Nest Moms

Having a Hard Time
« on: November 13, 2017, 02:01:58 PM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: Having a Hard Time
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2017, 05:27:50 PM »
Serenity, welcome to the forum. 
My son seems to put women ahead of me so I can understand a bit of what you mean.  I love him knowing I will never be important to him.  My heart goes out to you.  You said it is this way sometimes so do we just accept it or is there anything that can be done?  Let me know if you have that answer.
 :big hug smiley sign:

Offline JustUs2

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Re: Having a Hard Time
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2017, 03:32:09 PM »
Serenity, I wonder if the problem is that the woman, the mother can do no right in this world.  Men leave broken marriages all the time.  Some never pay child support, some never ever see their children, but it seems to be acceptable.  Could your kids feel abandoned because of that stereotype? You did nothing wrong, so it's silly if they do, but people can get in your ear and they're still rather young and impressionable. 


It takes guts to reach out like you have! I applaud you for putting yourself out there.  Have you tried just being blunt?  Just come out and asked what the problem is?  Can you go spend Thanksgiving with them?  If they'll be at your ex-husbands, can you go too?  If not, how about they stop by for dessert at your house.  If that won't work, then what about the day before or the day after?  I would push.  I'm sure I'd have us all escalating into a big argument, but unresolved issues eat at me.


I'm surprised by your daughter more than your son.  Most daughters have that need to please coupled with guilt.  Add in the fact that she's the oldest, and I'm surprised she isn't willing to comply at lest to some degree.


I'm sorry you're dealing with this.  It's not okay.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Having a Hard Time
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2017, 03:32:09 PM »

Offline Serenity

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Re: Having a Hard Time
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2017, 11:42:03 PM »
My daughter has never been a people pleaser...she is more the "queen" type. The one who thinks everyone should please her lol. As for Thanksgiving, both her and her girlfriend have to work, and my son is spending the holiday with his girlfriend and her family. My ex is working and won't be around that day. I have no other family to mention. The kids are too busy to even stop by for a little while and busy the next day as well.
[/color]
[/color]I don't think they blame me for leaving. I was treated pretty much the same way before I left. It just hits harder as they are not in the same house anymore. My daughter and her girlfriend have their own place, they moved out the first part of this year. My son pretty much lives at his girlfriends parents home. 




[/color]Thank you both for reaching out...it is nice to hear someone else's thoughts on the subject.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Having a Hard Time
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2017, 11:42:03 PM »

 

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