She doesn't want him returning

[cherie]

I have every reason to say that my friend Emmy, is losing it. His son has quit his job and wants to return home as he reorganizes his life. The husband is okay with it and is already looking forward to his arrival. Emmy won't hear any of it. She cannot imagine beginning to miss him again when he finds another job. She can't bring herself to telling this to her son. That's quite a dilemma, right?

[JustUs2]

I find the idea of an adult quitting a job and returning home to reorganize his life rather odd.  I mean, you quit your job when you've found a better one.  You organize your life as you go.  I wonder if your friend, Emmy, is worried that her son isn't growing up, or pushing himself enough.  Perhaps she's afraid they're coddling him?  Gosh, I just don't know.  It can be hard to have someone return home, then leave again.  I can imagine going through the pain of separation all over again.  Let her know she can come here if she needs extra shoulders to lean on.

[MaryB]

Yeah I dont know either but if he wants to come home for help I cant see turning my back on him.  I couldnt do it.

[JustUs2]

Yeah I dont know either but if he wants to come home for help I cant see turning my back on him.  I couldn't do it.

Well, I'm honestly not positive if I could or not.  But, I sure can talk a big game when it's not my decision to make.

[kismetique]

My goodness that is a dilemma!  My very first inclination was to say no, sorry.  But, could I really?  No....there is no way I could say no to him; to helping him with whatever life struggles he is having.  Here's what I might do though.....offer to get him an efficiency apartment nearby, if finances permitted.  Of course, he could come over to meals and to visit, but if he is needing to get his life in order, he doesn't need to be in my busy household.  He needs to be where he has time to himself and can think.  Any way, I just downsized and turned the only spare room into an office - so, there is no room in this inn!


Here's my deal and I'm sure in some ways her deal as well.  I worked pretty hard to get my pre-children life back.  There were buckets of tears shed, most of which I don't think they even knew about when they left!  I was the one left at home pining away from him/them, looking at the 4 walls and thinking - what now?  Would I really want to go through that again?  Even the possibility of it happening again? 


I suppose you could try and insulate yourself, not allow the closeness to develop, but that would likely depend on the son's mood, attitude, and disposition around the house.  All I can do is base it upon how I feel when they come to visit.  I absolutely jump for joy inside when I know they are planning a visit.  I tidy the house, I want things to be as they like them.  I can't wait for them to arrive.  They walk in the door, hugs and kisses all around, they sit and visit for about 30 min - I'm all caught up and OMG - I want them to GO!  I almost have small anxiety attacks thinking, how much longer could you possibly want to stay?  Don't you have lives to lead - I know I do!   


Maybe she could broach the subject with him and say, I'm sure you are not aware of the devastating affect your leaving home the first time had on me and while I'm not blaming you - because it's the way life is supposed to be, I'm not sure I want to experience that again.  Maybe have some rules.  He takes turns cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, just so that life doesn't completely go back to him being the child and they being the parents.  It might be enough of a difference to keep her emotions in check while appreciating the help.  Just some ideas.