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Author Topic: My Son's Girlfriend  (Read 2056 times)

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Offline Treasure

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My Son's Girlfriend
« on: November 05, 2017, 01:22:20 AM »
My youngest son has been dating this girl for about six months. He's brought her home and they are moving so fast - far too fast. He's in college with plans to go to medical school to be an Orthopaedic Surgeon. He has goals, priorities. He always wanted to go to Stanford for medical school. Now, he's thinking of just staying around here (our local schools do not have great programs for what he wants to do) and I know it's because of her. How do I know? I've heard her telling him that he can't move away from her because she could never leave her job. She's a hairstylist. I'm pretty sure they can get jobs anywhere. She's just very controlling and he is putty in her hands since this is his first serious girlfriend and, I'll admit it, she's gorgeous. But already she is holding him back. Already she hints, in front of me, what kind of rings she likes.


 I've already tried the direct, honest route. It did not go well. He told her and she told him that he shouldn't talk to me for a while. (Thankfully, he didn't listen to that one!) What can I do?

Empty Nest Moms

My Son's Girlfriend
« on: November 05, 2017, 01:22:20 AM »

Offline Becki

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Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2017, 01:48:21 PM »
Hairstylists can get a booth practically anywhere.  I don't really understand why she says that she can't leave her job to move to a college town.  I would think that would be great for them both.  Maybe she is just not as serious as he is.  Hopefully, time will work it out!  Good Luck!

Offline Treasure

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Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2017, 12:26:30 AM »
Right? I didn't even think about the fact that it's a college town or that it's only about 30 minutes away from San Jose which has to have jobs available for a hairstylist. Maybe that's the problem, her not being as serious as he is, but then she shouldn't be encouraging him to stay. Thanks!

Empty Nest Moms

Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2017, 12:26:30 AM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2017, 09:16:35 AM »
I cannot tell you the shivers up my spine, this sends me!  This is so much like my son it hurts.   I dont know why some males feel they have to follow the female and not the other way around.  Why is it that HER career is more important than his, or why does HER family mean more than his!  I hope your situation turns out better than mine did.  Mine left for his girl and didnt talk to me for 8 years, now he has came back into our lives because he left her (she would not have us in their lives) but come to find out he is being led around by ANOTHER woman so we are last on his list again.    Your son is risking a whole lot for that girl..  I wish you the very best.   My heart goes out to you dear.

Offline JustUs2

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Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2017, 08:03:18 PM »
Maybe her career matters to her more than your sons does to him.  Or maybe she made more money.  Maybe your son was running from his father, grandparents, who knows.   Really though, I think it's typical to follow the gal for a lot of families.  My uncles told their sons not to fall in love while in the military.  The boys were told to wait until they came back home to fall in love or the family would be separated forever. 


But heck, that doesn't mean you all can't talk. You literally didn't speak for eight whole years?  Is this a Scientology thing for those two?  Disconnection or something?  I find the whole not talking thing bizarre.  Doesn't he realize our generation aint getting any younger.  Gosh.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #4 on: November 07, 2017, 08:03:18 PM »

Offline MaryB

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Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #5 on: November 08, 2017, 08:53:35 AM »
Maybe her career matters to her more than your sons does to him.  Or maybe she made more money.  Maybe your son was running from his father, grandparents, who knows.   Really though, I think it's typical to follow the gal for a lot of families.  My uncles told their sons not to fall in love while in the military.  The boys were told to wait until they came back home to fall in love or the family would be separated forever. 


But heck, that doesn't mean you all can't talk. You literally didn't speak for eight whole years?  Is this a Scientology thing for those two?  Disconnection or something?  I find the whole not talking thing bizarre.  Doesn't he realize our generation aint getting any younger.  Gosh.


This is an empty nest site and not an estrangement site so I dont expect you to understand.  I am here because before I knew what had hit my family I thought it was empty nest and Jeanine and the family here welcomed me and supported me, but I dont wish estrangement on anyone.  To have someone you love with all your heart turn on you and take their love away from you is no small thing and not like it is easily fixed or no one would go without contact with their children.   :big hug smiley sign:

Offline Treasure

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Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2017, 03:49:46 AM »
MaryB, I am so so sorry! That sends shivers up MY spine. That is my nightmare. I can't imagine losing my son for eight years. I cannot express how much my heart is reaching out to you right now. I hope things don't go the same way this time around. Hopefully he's aware of everything he lost during the last relationship so he might be able to snap out of it. Either way, positive vibes/prayers are headed your way.

While there's nothing wrong with following a girl around, it is a problem when their life, their career, and their family are their only concerns and think they should be his primary concerns as well.

Offline cherie

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Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2017, 04:35:23 AM »
I am just reading through the comments and wondering why any person would not think of their families first, before making any decisions. I remember someone saying that not anyone that comes into your life is there to stay and you have to learn to let go.

Your son should realize that anybody who's not willing to support his career path isn't worth his time. Worse still, this girlfriend could easily drive a wedge between the two of you. I cannot imagine anyone who wouldn't speak to a parent for such a long time; they brought you into this world, for goodness' sake!

Offline MaryB

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Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2017, 04:26:31 PM »
MaryB, I am so so sorry! That sends shivers up MY spine. That is my nightmare. I can't imagine losing my son for eight years. I cannot express how much my heart is reaching out to you right now. I hope things don't go the same way this time around. Hopefully he's aware of everything he lost during the last relationship so he might be able to snap out of it. Either way, positive vibes/prayers are headed your way.

While there's nothing wrong with following a girl around, it is a problem when their life, their career, and their family are their only concerns and think they should be his primary concerns as well.


Thank you.   We're pretty down over it all right now because he told me today he will probably go back, but  he wont lose contact this time.  Neither me or his dad are comforted by that since he seems to jump thru hoops for a woman. 


Cherie,  I know, right!  I cannot imagine anyone coming between me and my family.  Just wouldnt have happened. 


Empty Nest Moms

Re: My Son's Girlfriend
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2017, 04:26:31 PM »

 

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