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Author Topic: Struggling with this now  (Read 422 times)

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Offline LannieD

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Struggling with this now
« on: October 04, 2017, 03:19:00 PM »
My father is getting up there in age (90) and until a few several months ago when had a bad fall he was doing pretty good taking care of himself. Lost my mother several  years ago. We live a couple hours away and he doesn't have any other family near by to take care of him.


We've ask if he wants to come and live with us but he doesn't want to be a 'bother'. He actually seems ok going into an assistant living home (has very good insurance and some savings) but it is us that are having a problem with it. I just feel guilty and think he needs to be with us. They do have a nice one near by that he wants us to check out so guess we will pretty soon as he really doesn't need to be on his own any longer although he's managed with having help come in a few times a week and I go see him as often as possible.


Anyone else been in this situation when it is the 'child' that doesn't want a parent to go into a 'home' but the parent doesn't mind?

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Struggling with this now
« on: October 04, 2017, 03:19:00 PM »

Offline Jeanine

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Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #1 on: October 09, 2017, 12:21:49 PM »
Hi LannieD, I'm sure there are others here that have had similar situations and will be  popping in soon. I think we all have that guilt when a parent needs to go to an assistant living home. I would say if you have the proper set up and can handle all that comes with taking care of him then why not give it a 'test run'. Just tell him to give it a try and if he still wants to go then you can look around for one that he will like. Sounds like the right way to go to me?


Let us know how it turns out.  :big hug smiley sign: [size=78%] [/size]

Offline Quiet Abode

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Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2017, 08:07:59 PM »
No, mine always assumed that I was supposed to take care of them.  I'm the oldest daughter though.  I've taking care of a few elderly relatives and I have to say that it's a ton of work.  I love them to death or I wouldn't be able to hang in there.  Even though your father is doing okay now, there's no telling when he might need help with mobility, bathing, and toileting.  At assisted living, they'll have the training and the equipment to make it easy on the body.  I've thrown my back out and injured my grandmother when I tried to lift her from the toilet.  It killed me to know I hurt her.  Your dad might also worry about you handling his hygiene needs if he reaches that point down the road.  I hope it works out for you both either way.

I like the test run idea, but in my area, once the person is in your home, you're responsible for that person.  You can't just insist they leave and go to assisted living if it doesn't work out.  The person has to agree to go.  Will your relatives give you push back over that?  It's something to consider.

By the way, I adore your beautiful avatar!







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Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2017, 08:07:59 PM »

Offline Kidless

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Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2017, 06:49:26 AM »
If he wants to go into a facility, I would respect his wishes.  Give him the opportunity to make friends and get settled in to his new surroundings before you have to put him in a facility.  We are currently preparing to put my mom in a nursing home at her request and because she's 93 and slipping away just a little bit every day.  Being a full time care giver is very taxing on you and your family. 

Offline LannieD

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Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2017, 02:40:21 PM »
Thank you all for your support, it's appreciated! Well we have talked some more and checke out the Assistant Living home near us. Just did a 'pop in' to see how it was and they were all very friendly, didn't mind us stopping in without an appointement so that is  a good sign. Another one is that everyone there seemed to be happy. There was a lot of laughing and moving around so they seem active (or the ones that still can be).


We will be taking him to check it out for himself next week so if it all goes well will make arrangements soon for him to get settled in.


Thanks again for the suggestions.


P.S.......Thank you Quiet Adobe, I love Irises and thought that one was pretty too.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2017, 02:40:21 PM »

Offline Quiet Abode

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Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #5 on: October 14, 2017, 06:56:45 PM »
LannieD, thanks for sharing your update.  It sounds like a fantastic facility where he'll have buddies and will continue to thrive.  I think it's amazing that your father is doing so well at his age.  Hopefully it all works out.


I adore those flowers and had a yard full until the ants got them this year.  I didn't realize I had a problem until it was too late.  I'm thankful I could save a few.  I'll have to go Iris shopping soon for new bulbs.

Offline haidyl

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Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2017, 12:57:16 AM »
We've never been for the idea of an assistant living home but I'm thinking that it is a good idea because it doesn't mean that anyone's been neglected. What are the visiting hours like? I am the kind of person that'd visit such a home almost on a daily basis, if someone I knew, lived there.

Empty Nest Moms

Re: Struggling with this now
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2017, 12:57:16 AM »

 

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