Need Some Advice Please...

[Serenity]

I need a bit of advice…
My two kids (17 & 22) never call, come over, or make any effort to connect with me in any way. I feel forgotten and worthless. I love them and gave up my whole life to put their needs, wants and desires first. I don’t expect them to always be all about me. They have their own lives and for the most part I try to respect that. However Thanksgiving is coming up and either of them cannot find any time to spend the holiday with me. I will be spending Thanksgiving alone, while they spend it with other peoples’ families or friends. I don’t think it is too much to ask that they stop by for an hour or so, even the next day would be nice if Thanksgiving is too busy. For all of the effort I invest in them I feel I deserve a little bit in return.

My question is- should I tell them how I feel? That their behavior is completely unfair and hurtful? Or should I just let this go, accept things are the way they are. I don’t want to be “that mom” that nags her kids to spend any time with her. I don’t want to force them because that would just be painful for everyone. However I am so tired of feeling worthless, as if I just simply do not matter one bit.


**UPDATE** I did tell them both how I felt. With my son, now 19, I blew up at him and it all came out...nothing changed. A year later I tried again, this time in a calm planned conversation. I made it clear what I needed out of our relationship. Still nothing changed. I have been left with no choice but to walk away until he chooses to make our relationship some sort of priority. My daughter, now 24, went far better. We had a nice chat and things improved. We were always closer and my son was always a daddy's boy so in the end it does not surprise me things went the way they did. Even though it didn't work out as I would have liked with my son it is better to have the answer then wonder and worry and always feel horrible.

[cherie]

You definitely should tell them what you feel and even when speaking to them, try to find out why they aren't willing to come and spend some time with you, their mother. Have you ever had a discussion about this? I can imagine how it feels when they don't feel like visiting.

[MaryB]

I just got to spend 2 weeks with my estranged son, and although he is putting another girl over us (not spending the holidays with us AGAIN)  I got to have my say.  Not in anger but just talking and it made me feel so much much better.  Nothing changed (he still left) but I felt better.   I hope you get your say, not in anger but just to get it off your chest.   

[Treasure]

You should absolutely tell them how you feel. You can do that in a way that doesn't come off as "nagging". But just letting it go isn't going to help anything. It sounds like there isn't much to lose by telling them how you feel, but there's the potential of a lot to gain; either you spend more time with them again or you at least know you tried and got it off your chest.

[Becki]

I can only say that my mother cried and told me that she was afraid that she would never see me again.  She was correct.  We only have so much time on this earth and you have to tell your children how you feel because you never know what is going to happen.